Dear Gentlemen,
You have all taught me some amazing life lessons. I write to you, because first and foremost, there are many ladies who give of themselves too freely. I used to be like that but now find that I have become wiser. In Proverbs 4:23 it says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." (NIV) Ladies, if you give of yourself freely, you are not guarding your heart. You are actually making yourselves incredibly vulnerable. Gentlemen, likewise, you are asking a woman to give of herself completely in a relationship that may or may not be a forever thing. In a break-up, the woman is completely devastated because she has bonded with you. In her heart, you are with her completely because she has given herself completely. Meanwhile, you may or may not have been vested in the relationship from the get-go. Please -- men and women -- keep this in mind while in a relationship.
Also gentlemen, women like to be courted -- nurtured -- loved. When going out for dinner there should be no expectation of anything, other than that; conversation and dinner. And women, just because a guy buys you dinner, does not mean that you owe him anything else. I hope both sides have found this is freeing and clarifying and not punitive. Sex is a beautiful thing; it just has to be within the right context.
Gentlemen, you also taught me that it is okay to be on the receiving end of things. I have always been a giver -- a big one! And I was willing to give to you, regardless of what it cost me emotionally. That is no more. You see, I was taught that it is always better to give than to receive. But the truth is, in a relationship, you should both be willing to give and receive at different times. It's called compromise; and when couples do it well, their relationships go the distance.
You've also mentioned a time or twenty, that I overthink. That, gentlemen, is born out of insecurity and trust issues. That is something that may or may not ever be resolved. In my view, it is a non-issue. It is no different than if you were bald or wrinkled. I would not stand and tell you, "Hey -- you're bald!" It's truly something that some people can't help. I'm not sure if therapy would cure it. It's there and whether it goes away or not...who knows? But the truth is, we are 50+ years old and we are all bound to have some sort of baggage. It's just a question of what you can and cannot deal with. I personally can take a lot but being asked to take away my inquisitive or creative side? I just can't nor won't do it. It's innate.
You've taught me that although I like being spoiled and cared for, I also like my independence. I enjoy working and paying my own way. (However, preferably not on a date.) Granted, I don't have a lot of money but it feels great to be strong and able to take care of myself and my boys! This is the first time in my life I have had to be this strong and this independent. Despite the stamina required of working multiple jobs, I don't mind it. God has blessed me by putting these opportunities in my path. I embrace them and feel grateful.
You've taught me that I can get so wrapped up in a relationship that I can easily put God second. I don't want to do that. Hence, my waiting for the man God wants me to be with; a man who puts God first and me, second. I'm really, truly okay with that.
Lastly, I want to thank you for all the wonderful memories you created. From a first kiss to an evening on the town to even, walking down the aisle. I would do it all again -- the memories gained were immeasurable. Each and every one of you has shared a piece of my life journey. Despite what ever became of our relationship, I know everything worked together for God's plan and purpose for my life. I have a peace that surpasses all understanding. If going through love, life and heartache helped me learn how to do that, then it was worth it!
Thanks for it all...the good, the bad and everything in between!
Blessings to each of you as you continue your life's journey,
Lisa
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