Broken Girl

Today, I listened to a song by Matthew West called "Broken Girl".  The song made me sad because I WAS that broken girl.  The bigger question is "How did I move beyond my past?"  I can tell you this...therapy alone doesn't cut it.  Perhaps it does for some, but not for me.

No, my past was bigger than that, and something I struggled with for years.  It haunted me because out of my past came my marriage; something I was completely unable to handle.  I had no business getting married with such a screwed up childhood.  But, like all young adults, I thought it was the "right" thing to do.  I was wrong and I paid for it for 31 years.

I began my walk with Christ at the age of thirteen.  I was raised a reform Jew and frankly, although we went to Temple weekly, reform Judaism was new to the scene and was still being figured out at that time; the question being, how to take an ancient religion and assimilate into the 20th century.  No small task.  However, my parents thought it was best for us.  I did not really learn much about the faith other than the stories and traditions associated with it.  As a interfaith couple, I was sent to Vacation Bible School in summer; probably more to give my mom a rest than to instill faith.  Yet, I loved it.  I looked forward to it every summer.  The church was walking distance with only the parsonage separating my house from the church.  We sang, made crafts, played games and had a carnival at the end of the week.  Oh and yes, learned a thing or two about the Christian faith; mainly about Jesus and how He loved us.

As time went on, I found my belief in Christ outweighed my understanding of Judaism.  Was there a heaven and hell?  I thought so (and still do), although it wasn't really mentioned at temple. No, at temple we learned about Noah and Moses, Queen Esther and the Maccabees but no mention of  an afterlife. I felt unsettled.  I had already, in my thirteen years, experienced more than any child should have to; I wanted assurance that despite my past, I was going to heaven.

I lost that child-like faith in my early teens and it didn't return until my early thirties.  Crisis tends to bring one closer to God and I was in the midst of one.  A failing marriage, a father who committed suicide and an anxiety disorder that took over my life.  It was the perfect storm.  I began to read in my Bible more and more.  I found Jesus again and fortunately, He forgave me for straying.  Yet, I continued to live with anxiety and self-doubts.  I was still broken.  I sought counseling but not even that helped.  I finally decided it was time to forgive -- forgive the person who took away my innocence.  Now, I'm not saying this was an easy task, as I had the full gamut of PTSD and full-blown anxiety.  But, Christ walked with me and through it.  I forgave the person for the acts perpetrated upon me.  My story doesn't end there, though.

As time went on, I continued my walk with Christ.  I am still a follower and it is through His love that I was able to survive the further trauma of the emotional abuse I went through during 31 years of marriage.  It is through Christ that forgiveness was found.  It is through Him that I am fully healed.  Yes, I sought a good three years of therapy and over the ensuing months, realized that God really does put "earthly" angels in our paths -- we just have to recognize them.

Today, I am healed from all my brokenness.  Watching Matthew West's video was not easy this morning.  It brought back a lot of memories.  It also made me realize that in Christ, there is #hope #healing and #encouragement.   My ministry and blog is to let others know, you can overcome your past -- you do not have to let that be your legacy.  Go forward from today and know, with Jesus, you are loved more than you know.  You are worth a King's ransom, for He paid it.  And you are, always, His child.   Forgive yourself.  Forgive your past.  Be at peace.

"Broken Girl" by Matthew West
https://youtu.be/VOYyi_FL79w

But Do You Have an Oil for That?

How, oh how, did I come to love these oils so much?  Today I woke up -- feeling blah!  You know those days....it is 115 degrees out here in Vegas and there is little I wish to do.  Everything is an effort.  To top it off, I have vertigo, which has been hanging on for over a week.  Even writing is an effort.

However, I decided, today I am making up my own blend and diffusing some En-R-Gee, Peppermint and Joy together.  I must say, it is not the most amazing smelling aroma but I do know, I am feeling perkier since sitting in my office while it diffuses.  And my head feels clearer. So, what is it with oils that when you diffuse them, you feel better?  I decided to do a little research using "Essential Oils: Pocket Edition."

Here's what it says.  "The fragrance of an essential oil can directly affect everything from your emotional sate to your lifespan.  The specific mechanics of the sense of smell are still being explored by scientists but have been described as working like a lock and key..." (p.26)  In effect, when you smell something, it triggers your sense of smell, which in turn activates different parts of your brain such as where your sense of taste, memories and areas that control your heart rate, stress levels, blood pressure, hormone balance and a host of other areas.  "The sense of smell is the only one of the five senses directly linked to the limbic lobe of the brain, the emotional control center....Anxiety, depression, fear, anger and joy all emanate from this region." (p. 27).  You can see why diffusing these oils can be so incredibly powerful.

And so, for those of you who doubt, take comfort in the fact that I too was a doubter...until I actually started using essential oils.  Although not always the best-smelling, I know that the Joy and En-R-Gee will help kick start my day while the peppermint will give me a swift kick in the behind!  And frankly, that is what I have needed for awhile.  After diffusing for thirty minutes, I feel the sluggishness wearing away.

So, you can see why one might feel better when diffusing oils.  As for treating depression, anxiety, and other issues in ones' life?  Oils are not designed to take the place of traditional medicine, nor would I suggest it.  I still take all my medications that are prescribed by my physician.  However, I do know on days when I have a little more difficulty with concentration, waking up or feeling tense that yes, we do have an oil for that!

Yes, I love my oils and each month, my collection is ever-growing.  Research shows that they can support our health status.  That's all I need to know.  What about you?



www.yldist.com/lisalehr
(702) 623-1323

Psalm 46:10

I have gone through many things in life.  I continue to go through many more things; some good, some not so good.  Despite what I have been through or continue to go through, I am living my life authentically.  What does that mean?

To me, that means letting people know how I feel.  What I'm thinking.  I've been thinking a lot lately; perhaps, overthinking.  Never good.  But it's who I am.  So, here's the truth of what I have been thinking.

I am a Christian.  As a Christian, I am appalled by the hatred I see in our world.  I am not calling out the Muslims but rather the Christians and Jews as well.  I am calling out the white kid that thinks he's superior to anyone else.  I'm calling out anyone who thinks they are better than another.

My children were raised as Muslims.  Not as terrorists but as Muslims.  There seems to be a lot of confusion about that of late.  They were taught to respect life and to love God.  Taking the life of another was considered "haram" or forbidden.   Yet, everyone equates Muslim with terrorists.  Sorry -- not the same thing.  Radical Islam is as bad as Fundamentalist Christianity; you know, the ones calling out the gays?  Yeah,  I am a Christian and yet, I am pointing my finger at every Christian who has ever said something bad about gays, bisexuals, transgenders and lesbians.  Let's look at your own house first, please.  And leave God to judge for He is the one who is truly the Judge.  He is, after all, the most high -- our Creator.

And yes, I am aware of what our Bible says.  And if I hear one more time that God forbids homosexuality, I will scream.   The Bible is a book for ALL ages.   He also forbids adultery, lying and murder. Don't hate your brother or sister because it's the same as murder.  Yet, people still think if they are Christian, they get a free pass.  Sorry folks, doesn't work that way.  There are six verses in the Bible on homosexuality -- yet, Jesus spoke mostly on the ills of money.  Greed, power - that sort of lust was far more of interest to him.  Take a minute to swallow that.  He also said, go ahead and throw that rock at the woman who committed adultery BUT only if you have not sinned.  That's right... who among you has not sinned?  Love your brother as yourself.  You see, HE loved.  He died for US.

I believe strongly in our three greatest religions; Judaism, Christianity and Islam.  I know them well.  I was brought up as a Jew, converted to Christianity and lived in a Muslim home for over 30 years.  Yes, I know all three religions very well.  I denounce hatred and radicalism in any form.

I have become one who cannot stand to watch our world.  If you want to do something -- pray for it.  Pray for the innocents who have died at the hands of cold-hearted murderers.  Pray for their parents and their children.  Pray for people who are sold into sexual slavery.  Pray for societies that allow such cruelties and injustices to happen.  Pray for the unborn of an addict, who cares only about getting their next fix.   Pray for the one who has hurt you.  Forgive as you have been forgiven.

Pray for our Presidential candidates.  From where I'm sitting, this is going to be a pivotal election.  I don't hear people talking about issues except to say black, white, Hispanic, Jew, woman, gay...I hear division rather than coming together.  There is a complete disconnect in our society.

Today, I am saying, "WAKE  UP!"  It is not the other guy that is the problem -- WE are the problem.  You hide behind Tweets and Facebook and social media.  The truth is that we are all culpable.  "Jesus wept."  Yes, He cries for us.  "It is finished."  He suffered for us.  Listen.  Pray.  Learn.  We are ALL God's children.  Does anyone care?

Despite our frailties and humanness, God is there.  He is saying, "Be still and know that I am God."  Are you listening?  Can you hear Him?  Listen to your heart.  It is beating.  There is still time; time to come together and stop the madness!  "Be still and know I AM..."  "Be still and know..."  "Be still..."  Be. Still.

Taking Charge

Today, I did it.  I took a good hard look at what retirement will look like when I'm 67.  I think the financial advisor was somewhat disbelieving at the horror of my financial situation, but after sitting down with him, I found that life is not as grim as I thought.  To him, it's horrific but then again, it's all in how you see it.

First of all, I need to rectify some of the wrongs that have been done to me.  Although I have not wanted to do it, I now realize I have no choice.  I will be taking my ex-husband back to court in order to get him to pay on the student loans.  It is court ordered and he owes half.  I have struggled with doing so, because of our children.  However, it is time to do it or I may never be able to retire.

Secondly, I can pay into my teacher's retirement account to buy years   Prior to today, I thought you had to buy in with a lump sum; not so.   I can make installment payments.   To buy 2 years, will get me a 5% greater payout when I do ultimately retire.  It's worth it, according to the financial advisor.  I could not make that on any investment.    I also have the option to not ever retire and just draw social security while I'm working.  With two months off every year, do I need to retire?

Third, I definitely need to pay off my half of the student loans.  As a teacher, I qualify for forgiveness as a public servant.  If I make 10 years of on-time payments, the rest will be forgiven -- provided that program is available when I get past my bankruptcy.  If not, I definitely qualify for a $17,500 forgiveness working for a Title 1 school.  Again, provided the program is available.

Although the Edward Jones representative cringed as I told him my story and looked at my finances,  I  was pleased by the information I gleaned.  Truth be told, no one likes to look at negative numbers on their balance sheet.  Make no mistake, I am quite broke.  However, I have hope.  That's all I needed to hear.  I. Have. Hope.

My Oola Journey: From Fat to Fabulous

The other day, I was re-thinking my summer plan for losing weight.  Goal:  30 pounds.  Seems extreme but not for the plan I was on...quite doable in fact.  However, I got to thinking about my last school year.  The difficulty of maintaining my weight loss on such an extreme plan.  I had gained back 15 of the 25 pounds I lost.  Not good.  So, I decided to do something different...count calories...Oh wait but that's what you've done before?  Not this time;  not the usual 1200 or 1000 calories plans that I had been raised on.  Those days are over.  Instead, I went on My Fitness Pal app and said, I want to lose one pound a week.  The results?  1500 calories a day.  More than I've ever allowed myself to eat before.  I have to tell you, it was somewhat freeing.

As I get older, my attitude is changing.  My father was a physician who put everyone on a 1000 calorie diabetic diet.  He was a great doctor and knew that scale had to move in order for motivation to last.  It was also a sign of the times.  Supermodels such as Twiggy ruled the catwalk.  It was the plan I was raised on.  Oh, don't get me wrong.  I've also done Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Take Shape for Life -- all good programs.  Just not for me -- not anymore.

And so, yesterday, I did the unthinkable.  I exercised not once but twice.  Tennis for 30 minutes and a 20 minute walk.  I exercised for fun, as well as the health benefits.  I ate healthy and often.  I ate a LOT!  The results?  Not hungry, completely satisfied and ate everything I wanted.  No cravings because guess what?  Nothing was off limits.  However, I found I didn't want or eat chocolate except for a sugar-free fudgsicle.  According to My Fitness Pal, I should lose 9 pounds in the next 5 weeks based on my food and exercise intake.  So, by the end of summer, I may be down 15 or 18 pounds.  At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter.  I am gong for healthy -- what is healthy on a normal, 56-year-old woman.

So for those who find the struggle is real?  Stop starving yourself.  Give yourself permission to eat more --more whole food, less carbs and sugar and exercise -- for fun!  That's it.  That's the game plan. 

While I have spent three years on this journey some of you have succeeded in your weight loss goals while others haven't.  Today, I hope this sets those who have missed the mark "free".  You have my permission to eat -- healthy, that is!  Oh and as for exercise...yeah, that helps too!  Take time to enjoy the journey and embrace who you are...at the end of the day, it's about what works for you.

My Oola Journey: From Fat to Fabulous

Hi!  My name is Lisa and I'm a sugar addict.

How many years have I been battling my weight?  More years than I care to count.  It has been a struggle since childhood!  I am, an example, of the yo-yo-dieter.  Yet, I still believe I can do this.  Let's face it, I've been blogging for three years and have I overcome it?  No...not yet.  But I realize that there is something exceedingly complicated in my relationship with food.  And make no mistake, there is a relationship! 

Here's the problem.  Food is something we need to survive.  Unlike alcohol or drugs, it is what keeps us alive.  Yet, studies have shown that sugar lights up your brain on an MRI in the same way as drugs.  "The part of the brain that lights up is the very same part of the brain that’s triggered by cocaine or heroine, according to research by Dr. David Ludwig, M.D., Ph.D" (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/07/fed-up_n_5281670.html)

There it is.  Those of us who use sugar (highly refined, processed sugar rather than the natural sugars in fruits) as our "drug of choice", we are indeed as culpable of addicts.  But, just like addicts, we can indeed kick this habit.  The truth is, I have done it in the past.  It requires abstinence.  Pure and simple.  Just like an alcoholic cannot drink, so too, one who has a sugar addiction needs to abstain.   Now, there are no studies on this; it is, just my humble opinion.  But I can back it up with this -- when I abstain from sugar I go through definite withdrawal.  Headaches, nervousness, hunger, cravings  -- my body will do anything to make me think I need that piece of chocolate.  BUT after abstaining for a week, the craving lessens.  When the craving comes back as strong as before, just as it does with alcoholics and drug addicts, continue to abstain.  It does, in fact, weaken over time.

I have done this in the past.  Do you know what I've discovered?  Over time, my body not only gets slim -- svelte as some have called it, but it also remains slim.   I lose weight in those difficult places such as my abdomen and hips; especially my hips.  Again, these are just things I have observed.

So, for me, there is no Donut Day --  The last time I ate a donut, it was after a 40 pound weight loss.  It was at the behest of a "friend" who said, "one donut won't hurt!"  WRONG!  Unfortunately, my Donut Day becomes a Donut Month and on into the year as I embraced my return to sugar.  Truth is, I gained back all 40 pounds rather quickly.  No, dark chocolate is not my friend.  Rather, giving up chocolate is the way I have to go.  Trust me, it is hard.  But after three weeks, the results are worth it.

So, if you find yourself craving the "hard stuff" -- sugar --I challenge you to go without for three weeks.  See what happens.  I think you'll be surprised at the results. 

What is Success?

What is your definition of success?  Money?  Fame?  Retirement?  Owning a big house or two?  How many of you said, it is what I am doing now?  Probably not many.

Last night, I watched the movie "Pele" about the world famous soccer player from Brazil.  It is a fabulous movie.  Want to know how much it made at the box office?  $27,000.  The movie was stellar with beautiful soccer plays.  By the world's standards, it was not a success.  It is sitting on DirectTV for the watching. The irony is Pele was exceedingly poor and didn't even have shoes in which to play soccer or a ball.  He used rolled up clothes or mangos to kick.  Yet, he went on to be one of the greatest players ever!  Had he let the fact that he didn't have the nicest shoes or a ball to play with, he'd have never made it!

My fiancé is another example.  He has been looking for work for over a year.  He was once one of the top dogs at Merck, pulling down over a quarter of a million dollars a year where he spent over 40 years in the corporate world.  At the age of 61, he was "let go".  Due to his wife's illness and years of no income, he has no savings and lives on his social security.  He is now relegated, at the age of 68, to applying to any-and-everything to find work.   He is bright, well-spoken, and educated.  Yet, he is 68 years old and because of that, no one even looks at his applications.  They see 40 years of experience and think "old" rather than "experienced".  A success story?  In his glory days, yes.  Today?  He is a storehouse of information and exceedingly vital.  He has much to give but no takers. Still a success? 

I've been writing for three years.  I am a teacher by day and blogger during my "off" times.  I have yet to make a dime for my writing.  Am I a success?  Again, if we use the world as a measuring stick?  Absolutely not.  I am a renter, have a car payment and no savings.  I went through bankruptcy and divorce.  What do my students think?  They see teacher and someone who cares; one who is willing to do whatever it takes to motivate them and prepare them for the journey ahead of them.  Success?

You see, in today's world of technology, big houses, fancy cars -- those are the physical markers of success.  But if we strip ourselves of those things, are we still a success?  Have we "made it?"

www.dictionary.com defines success as this:

1. the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one's goals.
2. the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like

3. a performance or achievement that is marked by success, as by the attainment of honors:
The play was an instant success.
4. a person or thing that has had success, as measured by attainment of goals, wealth, etc.:

She was a great success on the talk show.

 Hmmm, I see words like wealth, position, honor....Let's think about Jesus for a moment.  Did he have any of these things?  Let's face it, by today's standards, he was poor, treated like a common criminal and died at the age of 33.  There's no mention in the Bible of millions of dollars in the bank, so I think it's safe to assume he didn't have any.  Was he a success?  From where I'm sitting, his life has set an example and a movement for billions of people.  Some 2,000 years later, his message still holds true.  Love others, be kind, forgive, don't judge... Perhaps we need to rethink our hallmarks of success.  Maybe it's not money and things but rather, how we are remembered.  Would you rather be remembered for the things you had such as that 70- inch high-definition television and five bedroom house or the things that money can't buy -- truth --integrity--honesty--how you treated others?   At the end of the day, no one is going to look at our "balance sheet" except for God.  He is the only One who I care about pleasing.  I prefer to live by His definition of success rather than that of the world.  I may not make a dime from my writing but at the end of the day, it is here -- in perpetuity -- for those who want to read it. So there it is...my definition of success?  Sharing the gift I've been given with others.  What's yours?

 


 

 

 

  

 

 

 

On Strength

1990.  At the age of thirty, I was so crippled by severe anxiety attacks that I contemplated suicide. I didn't believe in therapy or drugs (my ex-husband's thoughts) but knew I needed them.   It is a period of time that I refer to as having had a "nervous breakdown".  The truth is, it was a bad marriage, coupled with my own father's suicide and probably a bit of post-partum depression thrown in.  After that period in my life, I never felt like I was "strong".  I was scared.  Overwork triggered anxiety attacks which perpetuated the cycle.  I didn't believe I could hold a job for any length of time.

Fast forward 23 years later.  I divorced my husband of 31 years.   I was forced into a situation that I didn't really want to be in but knew I had to move forward and away from a person that had become incredibly toxic and cruel.   I was scared but confronted my fears and faced what could have been crippling anxiety.  I waited for the ball to drop.  It never did.   Where did I find this strength?

You know, there are days that I look at my life in 2013 and today.  I am, personally, humbled and shocked.  I sold everything I could possibly sell, worked my tail off (well beyond my anxiety threshold) and by the grace of God, prayer of friends and sound advice, made it through the storm.

I have to be honest...my knee-jerk reaction was, I didn't want to know what I really had to face.  When I looked at a folder 4 inches thick filled with bills, I was sick.  But, I knew I had to face it.  I had to see what was there.  Believe me, there were bills and even more than I wanted to see.  I paid the bills that were in my name and let the rest go.  I took baby steps.

You see, my strength came not only from within, but also from outside myself.  On days when I crumbled or faltered, there were people there to pray for me and to help steady me.  These people are still in my life and I am forever grateful and humbled by their kindness.

I know many people who are divorced and who come out great.  They are set for life because of savvy attorneys and money in the bank.   I had neither.  I did, however, have a greater ally...God.   I know all the wrongs that were done to me but then again, so does He.  He told me forgive.  I did.  He told me to stay strong.  I did.  He told me to hold onto hope during times I felt completely overwhelmed and hopeless.  I did....I clung to His every word.

I knew He was there then and continues to be in my life.  He has asked me to minister to those who need help and I've said "yes".  I am using Facebook and this blog as my platform.  One day, it will be a book and perhaps, myself -- in person -- giving my testimony.  In the meantime, for those who are struggling, know this...

God is with you.  He is putting you through the fire to refine you into the most beautiful piece of gold that there is.  You can be filled with fear or you can face your fears.  Stare them down.  It is not easy but it is so very sweet when you can look back and say, "Wow, I can't believe..."

Believe it or not, there is someone who cares.  It's me.  I pray for you everyday.  And even though I don't know you, I stand with you and will continue to pray for you daily.  Be strong!  God is good!  Have faith! 

Most of all, when you are through that fire that consumes you, remember where you've been and help the next person.  Be a little bit bolder, more courageous, and give a hand up to those who need it.  When we do that, we can learn the real meaning of strength.