My Oola Journey: Family

 

 

Although last in my series of "My Oola Journey", it is certainly not least.  For to me, my family is my treasure in this life.  They come second, only to God.

 

 

I was young when I had my first child; 24 years old.  I had been married a couple of years.  I longed for a big family, with children that were not only close together in years but in the heart; to have a bond that could never be broken.  I had some difficulty conceiving my first child, taking almost a year.  But she was so worth the wait.  A beautiful black-haired baby -- and lots of hair at that.  She also carried the gene of her father's middle-eastern roots.  Sheer perfection in my eyes.  She was born in the spring and was incredibly strong-willed, even from the get-go.  She grew up into an amazing young woman.  Throughout her life, she has embraced her heritage.  She looks exactly like she did as a baby, except she has grown into a strong confident person, with a family of her own; three children with a fourth on the way, ages five and under.  Like me, she wanted a large family and to do it while she was young enough to enjoy them and have the energy to keep up with them.  She too wanted them close together; probably because she and her siblings are so close in spirit.  While growing up, she had a strong affinity toward the medical profession.  She became a nurse practitioner.  She works incredibly hard as both a nurse, a wife and a mommy.  She shares my patience with her children and my somewhat neurotic personality.  She also got the gene that is willing to work hard to achieve her dreams.  Besides her father's olive skin, dark hair and large almond-shaped eyes, she shares his sense of adventure and is headstrong.

 

Next is our baby girl.  She too has the olive skin, large black eyes and dark hair.  She, on the other hand, looks exactly like me.  It is a little weird because it is almost like looking into a mirror 26 years ago.  She, however, got these wonderful masses of thick curls; hair I would die for!  When she was little, she used to say she had angels.  Mind you, we were never a strong faith-based house when she was little, nor did we speak of angels.  Yet, those were her imaginary friends.  I never doubted for a minute that she did indeed have angels.  She used to bounce when she walked and sucked her thumb until she was four.  She paid for it dearly when she got headgear from the orthodontist in middle school.  Fortunately, she could wear it at night. As she grew, she could sight read music on the piano and taught herself how to play.  She also had a fabulous voice.  She got the "brains" in the family.  I swear she never cracked a book until she was a senior in high school taking pre-calculus; and she got all A's and B's.  She got her musicality from my side, and of course, her looks; though they look better on her.  She too is a wonderful mommy and dotes on her baby boy.  I see her dad in her with her ability to be calm in situations that would send the rest of us over the edge.  She got her Master's degree in music performance.  She is a stay-at-home mommy and loves her "job".

Our next child was our first boy!  He reigned the household until the age of five when we had his baby brother.  He is a creative genius and has a wonderful sense of humor.  He has brown hair and hazel eyes that fluctuate between green and blue, depending on what he's wearing.  He has a medium fair complexion but tans deeply in the summer.  As a child, he was incredibly sweet; not your 'typical' boy.  As he grew, he definitely learned how to get into trouble as most teen-age boys do; but he has grown into a wonderful young man with a gift for writing.  He and his oldest sister are very similar in personality.  Probably because they were close as he was growing up.   He doesn't look like either his father or myself.  However, he is almost the spitting image of his great grandfather on his dad's side.  It is peculiar to see a picture of him next to great grandpa's.  He was an average to poor student but also a musical genius.  He taught himself guitar and drums and played the trombone.  He was a music major until he dropped out of college.  He is currently writing a book, which of course, has my blessing!

Our youngest is our second boy.  He was doted on by his sisters from day one.  When I brought him home from the hospital, those girls sat by his bassinet for 11 hours straight.  They were instantly in love with this precious wonder.  Whereas the girls fought with our first son, they nearly raised the second one.  I notice that he carries many of our baby girl's personality traits -- probably because they were quite close when they were growing up.   He too loves music.  He is a trumpet player and has not only been in marching band throughout high school and into college, he marched with the U.S. Army All-American Band and the Casper Wyoming Troopers in Drum Corps. International.  He began college as a music major but is settling into public administration.  He loves to argue and I think he will make a fine lawyer, which is his current aspiration.  He too got the musicality and brains from my side of the family, whereas he got the leadership from his dad's side; his grandfather in Kuwait having been a Congressman for close to two decades.  He is the spitting image of his father, although he does have my skin tone and also tans very deeply. He too is incredibly handsome.

I have four grandchildren with a fifth on the way.  I usually ask my daughters to send pics -- daily!  If I am having a bad day, I love to see their little smiles.  My heart instantly melts and I just want to hold them in my arms!  I am not an "old" grandma -- in fact, I still crawl around on the floor with them and chase them when they are crawling.  We sing songs, play hand games and cuddle while watching TV.  They are out-of-state so I don't get my real "grandma fix" until I go for a visit once a year.  How I love to see their little voices and hear their shouts of "grandma", the second they spot me at the airport.  There is never a time that I don't relish every moment I am with them.

So why did I run through my family tree for you?  Was it so you could see my children's genealogy? Not at all -- it's because these are my treasures-- God's gifts to me.   I may not have had a perfect life but I am grateful for the blessings that sprung from that life!  You see with the OolaLife, you are grateful for everything -- the good AND the bad.  We are all on a journey and let's face it, life is not perfect.  We can choose to see the bad and feel badly, or we can spin that bad feeling and find something good.  For me, I had a bad marriage.  I could say, "Wow, what a waste of 31+ years of my life!"  And I'm not going to lie -- I did for awhile.  However, I now choose to look at it in a positive manner.  If it weren't for that marriage, I would not have had these four children.  Nor would I have my grandchildren, whom I adore.  Each thing in your life builds on another. You can have a strong foundation (in this case, it's my hub, faith) or a weak one.   For me, family is important.  It is not my hub but it is my valve.  It pumps me up.  It is why I work so hard, why I try to live a moral  life, and why I try to set an example as a Christian.  I want my children to be the best they can be; however, if they do not have the example to follow, they will never find how to become that person.  I want my children to learn that it's okay to have money -- it's also okay to not have money.  Success and happiness is not measured by the size of your wallet, although it is what the world would have you believe.  It is by the size of your heart.  I want them to discover and ask themselves, "How am I helping the world?"  What am I doing to glorify God?"  "How am I fulfilling God's plan and purpose for my life?"  We need to live the life we love -- more importantly, we need to love the life we live!  Go out and make your life the best it can be by living the OolaLife! 

 



The Real World

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."  Proverbs 4:23

Several months ago, I blogged about this verse.  It's a verse I have held close to my heart.  My pastor mentioned it to me nearly a year ago, and it has guided me for a very long time.  I was so hurt by my ex-husband that I could not allow myself to even possibly think of any type of romance.  But God has a way of healing us -- He uses time. 

Who hasn't heard the expression, "time heals all wounds"?  It's true.  It really does.  For a long time, I felt like someone had died -- only I didn't have closure.  I guess in a way, the person who died was me.  I wanted to curl up under a pile of blankets and never get out.  However, I fought my way back.  It was a battle each and every day. Yet, I knew it was necessary.  And I knew it would happen -- one day.

That day came last Wednesday night.  I was on the computer when a pop-up for an online dating site popped up.  It was free to check it out and put up a preliminary photo and profile.  Let me tell you, it's a whole new world out there!  I'm not sure what to make of all this.  On the one hand, I like the conversation and the e-mails.  On the other, it's really awkward and a bit like picking out a puppy from the pound when sifting through the pictures and profiles.  This is not the world I came from -- my last date was in 1979.  It was a time when we met people from the safety of college campuses and where your choice of bars came from who offered twenty-five cent beer night.  Today, Internet reigns supreme.  Welcome to 2014. 

As I go through the profiles, I am amazed by the number of men my age who have never married.  Likewise, I see many looking for "true love".  I am not that optimistic. Perhaps it's because of where I come from -- at best, I am looking for coffee and some conversation.  That much I can handle.  I am not really sure that I am ready to handle the drama that so many relationships seem to be built upon today.  Worse yet, God forbid you find someone you like and you break-up.  It would be like going through a divorce all over again!   Emotionally, I'm so not ready to go down that path again, thank you very much! 

As you can see, I am not taking any of this terribly seriously.  After all, I only paid $23.00 for a month and not expecting to find "true love".  I must confess, I am enjoying the attention, the flirtatiousness and all that goes along with the possibility of a little romance.  And yes, I am starting to feel like a part of the human race -- able to reach out to another person and maybe, just maybe -- trust -- if only a little bit.  Guard your heart...real advice...really good advice for the real world.

Who Am I?

 

Yesterday in church, our pastor challenged us to think about who we are as Christians.  I frequently state that I know who I am in Christ -- but do I really?   I have to confess that his sermon definitely convicted me for I am a Christian; but, what does that mean in the day-to-day?

Let's face it, when you have a faith-based blog, you need to try and be the best you possibly can be -- both on and off the written page.  I definitely try to be that person.  But the truth of the matter is, I fall short each and every day of my life.   I know this about myself, but do you?   If you saw me on the street, interacting with others, would you say, this woman is a Christian?  Or would you more loudly proclaim me a hypocrite for writing one thing and at times, acting in a diametrically opposed way?  These were my thoughts that were going on through my mind throughout his sermon.

Our pastor spoke about baptism.  What a holy mystery that is, created by God Himself.  And yet, if something so integral to our faith is a Holy mystery, aren't we likewise, as His creation, a Holy mystery?  Using the Pharisees and Sadducees as an example, he cited how they thought they knew all about the Law.  We too know what Christ expects of us.  Yet, God will humble us like no other; to quote him, "like a child in awe".   Yet it is in these times of brokenness that we reach out to God and say, "Lord, heal me -- I am broken beyond measure".  The miracle of that is, He will.  He will heal us, and not just heal but make us stronger.   Have you ever broken a tooth?  A crown can be made to repair the broken enamel.  Yet, it is never quite the same.  It is still vulnerable to hard or sticky foods and can easily be popped out or broken again.   However, when God heals us, it is not just a superficial cover.  It is a forever fix.  He not only binds up our wounds but heals them in a way that makes us stronger.  It is in our brokenness that draws us to Him -- the ultimate fix; an irony that is a holy mystery indeed!

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds".  Psalm 147:3

So, who am I?  I'm a mother, a grandmother, a teacher and writer.  I am a Christian; one whose faith is strong.  I have been broken beyond belief and yet God has been there every step of the way.  He has reached down from heaven and sent people in my path to guide me and pick me up during my times of brokenness.  I believe without question in God and try my best to follow the tenets of my religion.  I try to serve as an example to others as to how to lead a life of joy, peace and yes, a person  with morals and integrity.   I reach out to others in pain and though I can't heal them, I can pray for them so that God will act according to His plan and purpose for their life.   Sometimes I fail miserably and stink at being a Christian, but I know that it is only by God's grace that I am forgiven for my shortcomings and only if I sincerely repent (turn away from and try not to do it again).  Does this make me a hypocrite by definition because I fail?  A hypocrite is one who works at pretending.  With me, you have the "real deal".  So no, I don't believe I am one. 

Last question:  Who am I?   I am a Christian.  One who stands on God's holy Word.  He is my Abba.  Without Him, I am nothing.  I am His.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:16

My Oola Journey: Friends

In our lives, we meet many people.  Some are just passing through while others are here to stay forever.  I'm going to talk today about the importance of friendship and how they have played a huge part in my Oola life.

I've never been that "popular" person.  Yes, I've always had friends but just a few very close people in my world.  Perhaps because I have had so much drama in my life, that I wanted to keep my circle close; maybe I was just mature enough to realize it's quality over quantity.  To me, it's never mattered.  What has always been important is having someone who I trusted implicitly and who likewise trusted me; but not just a confidante.  Rather, someone with whom I can be myself and have a lot of fun in the process.

I have several "categories" of friends.  It may sound strange, but I bet if you look over your friends, you will have a similar list. I have my BFF, my close friends, my church family and my "angels" in this life.

My BFF is a friend that I have known since pre-school.  Yes, that is a 50 year friendship!  A lifetime.   We have lived as far apart as several continents and as close as a mile or two.  It doesn't matter.  We are there for each other, no matter what.  I dare say, we would give organs to each other if needed.  Yes, we know where all the skeletons are and there they stay; buried in our hearts.  For we have the ultimate trust, respect and love for one another.  We have shared births, deaths, graduations, marriages, divorces -- you name it, we've been there.  Though we are across country from one another, we are always in each others' hearts.

I also have other friends; those that I have known twenty years or more.  Those friends are likewise special.  I love them because we can be apart for 15 years and get together and talk as if it was yesterday.  I cherish those friends because they have been there throughout my adult life; they have been neighbors, former colleagues, people who had similar interests, such as being crazy enough to move to a foreign country and live, and others.  They are people I love because we have grown together in a different way than childhood friends.  Yet, they are equally important.   And yes, I love them with all my heart.

I also have my church family.  Although I've been a member of churches in the past, I have not felt so close to a church family as this one.  They came into my life about a year before my divorce and have been there every step of the way for me.   Initially, I was reluctant to share my situation.  However, once they knew of it, they were incredibly supportive.   I go to them for counsel, prayer and support as they also do--  and we are there for each other; in good times and bad. 

But what about random people that just happen into your life?  Someone you see in the work mailroom?  On a social network?   A friend of a friend? A Bible study from outside your church?  Or maybe someone from high school who you haven't seen in 40 years? How do they fit into your life?  I can't speak for others, but I just refer to these folks as my "angels".  I call them that because I know God has placed them in my life for a very specific purpose.  I never know how long they will be there; perhaps an hour over a drink at a social gathering or maybe a lifetime.  To me, it doesn't matter.  I know they are in my life as part of God's will.  If they leave in short order, their "job" is done.  They have "delivered" God's message to me.   If they stay, well then I know they will share in a larger part of my life; for what reason?  That is up to God.  My take-away is that I am thankful for their friendship and praise God for sending them my way. 

So, how do friends fit into the Oola life?  For me, I need to not just take but also give.  Friendship is a two-way street.   I pray for my friends -- ALL of them.  Doesn't matter if they have a problem or not.  I cover them in a blanket of prayer.  I love my friends and am willing to do anything for them.   This past year has been crazy for me and certainly not the norm.  I am starting to get back to my "old" self -- this non-drama person; one who is really a low maintenance sort.  But, it's taking time to heal; even longer than I anticipated.  My friends get that -- even those that I have not known very long.  They continue to lift me up when I feel down.  Likewise, I stand before God and encourage them as well when they are down. 

A true friend is one that you have a symbiotic relationship with; sort of the ying and yang of one another.  My Oola plan for this year does incorporate plans for deepening the friendships I have; for spending more quality time with those near to me and even, my "newer" friends.  Sometimes we are so busy with life, we put our friendships on hold.  Not a good idea, since we are never guaranteed a day.  Make someone's day.  Text them and tell them you miss them or love them or even that you're praying for them.  Let them know how important they are to you. Not only is it Oola -- it's what being a friend is all about.

Happy Anniversary

"May the God who gives you hope fill you with great joy.  May you have perfect peace as you trust in him.  May the power of the Holy Spirit fill you with hope."  Acts 15:13


Tomorrow is a day that will live in infamy in my mind.  It is the date of my would-be 32nd anniversary.  It is also the 25th anniversary of my father's death.  Yes, I have a double-whammy to get through.

Today, I pretty much felt like I was walking through sludge. I haven't felt like that in months and yet, there it was again.   Although never once regretting my divorce, there are times when life just seems overwhelming.  Facing tomorrow is one of those times.

My father passed away from suicide.  It is a hard fact to write.  I never had any closure or answers as to why he chose my anniversary for something so devastating.  I never had answers as to why he felt he needed to commit such an act.  I always had to wonder --did he know we loved him?  How could he leave two young grandchildren who would never remember him?  I talked with him the night he did it.  That conversation haunted me for years.  It took much therapy to work through and yet, I never got answers to any of it.  That is the staggering bottom line and greatest tragedy of his death.  You always find yourself wondering what prompted such an act to occur? 

Yet, when going through my own divorce, I frequently thought how easy it would be to take my own life.  From a rational viewpoint, I knew that eventually my depression would lessen and hopefully, pass.  Whatever circumstance I was facing was temporary; however, I had to find hope.  I also thought of my own children, and how I felt during that time after my father's death.   It truly was the thought of my children that kept me going.

Knowing I was at risk, as survivors of suicide are, I sought professional therapy.   I took medication.  I talked with my pastor.  Eventually, my feelings of despair left.  They were replaced with a sense of renewed hope; of happiness that I never knew existed.  Although not perfect, my life is good.   I know I have much life to live.   I will never allow myself to get back to a place of such darkness again.

I know tomorrow will be tough.  It is a day of loss.  It is the loss of a dream that died last March-- of a marriage that became a statistic.  It is also the anniversary of the loss of my father.  However, it is through these losses that I gained much.

 -- I gained a sense of strength that I never knew I had
 -- My faith grew exponentially in ways I could never imagine
 -- I found a peace that surpasses all understanding
 -- I found sustained happiness
 -- I found my purpose in life and am living it out
 -- I have a newfound sense of adventure; and each day is a new one
 -- I have learned that God sends us angels in the form of family and friends
 -- I have found the love of my life in God

Losses?  From a human standpoint, yes.  From God's viewpoint, my father is at peace and so am I.  Will tomorrow be tough?   Yes.  Will I get through it and survive?  Absolutely!  I know that with God all things are possible.  And tomorrow is not only possible, it offers new possibilities.

"But Jesus looked at them and said to them, 'With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'" Matthew 19:26

My Oola Journey: The Plan

As 2014 rounded the bend, I sat down to write up my goals for the next year.  I find that some I have accomplished, while there is still much to do.  For instance, I think I can safely say that I have 10's in the Oola categories of faith and family.  I tithe regularly (something I encourage all to get into the practice of since it has as much to do with spiritual practice as money), volunteer at my church, attend Bible study and worship services regularly, and engage in daily spiritual such as reading the Bible, doing devotionals and praying.  I don't say this to boast as I'm certain my children could attest that I fall short on a daily basis!  With regard to family, I have a healthy relationship with my children.  We talk regularly.  My boys are busy, so we spend time together but usually on week-ends.  Then again, they are grown men, so I don't expect my time with them to be the same as it was when they were growing up.  Our time together now is on a different level; conversation and sharing of life experiences.  On a personal level, fun is coming along.  I am not at a 10 but not where I was at the beginning of  2013.  I am planning on seeing my friends more often; something I have neglected in the past.  Again, a bit more Oola needed in those areas.

Although field is a strong area for me, it is necessary I finish my book by the end of May.  It is a goal I set for myself and with school and second jobs lurking around the corner, not sure how much reserves I will have left.  Writing takes much out of me emotionally and yet, for me, it is tearing down a broken foundation and repairing from the ground up with a stronger one.  It is necessary to improve myself and continue building on my strengths.  I have written the mainstay of my rough draft this break.  I will need to complete it over the week-ends and use spring break to polish.  Then I plan to pass on to friends for editing, re-polish and submit to my publisher.  Five months will pass by in the blink of an eye, and yet, this is likewise a "must do."  I am stepping into God's will; and there is a very definite deadline in my mind that has been set.   

However, my areas of real weakness are finance and fitness.  In looking over my budget, I realize I actually have some money to use to pay off debt. I have not seen it yet; mostly, I think it is the fallout of my divorce and playing "catch-up" these past few months.  Moving into 2014, I think there can definitely be some real movement toward building my savings and paying off debt.  I am working to pay off my smaller debt first; two credit cards with relatively low balances.  I will then be working to pay off my car.  After that, I will be tackling my school loans.  If I can get those paid off in 10 years, I will actually have a future that includes some sort of retirement; although I doubt I will ever completely retire.  I am just not a person that can do nothing or spend days on end on recreational activities.  For me, it's just not how I'm wired.  However, it would be nice to have that option! 

The other area that I struggle with is fitness.  That one is going to be tough as it requires a complete overhaul of my mindset.  My goals are 5 days a week of cardio and ultimately, just be in the best shape I can.   It is doable.  I understand the science of calories in, calories out but let's not forget we live in a day and age of instant.  I have little patience for where I am, and even less for the time it will take for where I'm going.  I need to focus less on the scale and time frame and more on me.  I deserve to be healthy!  I have been  "mom" and "wife" for too long, putting myself behind everyone else.  This again, is a "new" normal and tough to "rewire."  However, it is a priority for me and I am going to make sure it happens. 

So, have you set you made up your Oola plan yet?  It's not too late!  Getting an Oola life requires working toward balance; something very few people are able to accomplish.  I know, without having read about it, I would never be at the place I am today.  And pass the book along so that you can have accountability partners.  The actual thinking through of the plan takes some work but more importantly, it is a lifelong process.  If you haven't gotten your copy of "Oola:  Find Balance in an Unbalanced World" -- get it.  It is definitely worth the read.  Once you've finished, put yourself first.  Go after your Oola life and find the happiness you deserve!