I remember walking into the lawyer's office and my knees were shaking. I actually thought I might pass out. But, I held strong. No one could do this for me. I had no family members locally who could go with me -- I certainly wasn't going to take my children with me. And so, I walked into the office with a façade of bravery and gave the lawyer a retainer fee. All in all, it cost me $5,000 -- money which I paid over time. I left with nothing but a stack of bills that were several inches high. I paid anything that had my name on it and left the rest. I never learned why we could not pay our bills when my husband and I were making over $300K per year and lived a modest lifestyle. It no longer matters. I could ask forever but I would never get an answer. And so, I began my life at the age of 53.
My mentor mentions in his video how long it took him to get on his feet. That is definitely something I noticed. If you are contemplating divorce, look to at least five years to get past the emotional baggage, the financial ruin and getting on my feet, in general. I was making 34K a year as a teacher and working 3 jobs to feed my boys and keep a roof over my head. Those were bad times, yet better than the situation I had been in. I didn't date until a year after my divorce and even at that, very casually. I was not looking for another relationship. I finally gave up on coming out financially unscathed and after two years, declared bankruptcy. Not something I wanted to do but I was killing myself trying to pay off the student loan debt my ex left me with. Granted, it was loans for the whole family but somehow, he ducked under the radar and refused to answer calls and letters, leaving me with the burden of shouldering close to 200K in debt.
In 2015, I met my now husband. He wanted to get married right away whereas, I was gun shy. We dated for two years and got married. After going through the dating scene, which let me tell you, at 50 is slim-pickin's unless you go a good 10 years younger and at that point, those gentlemen are looking for the 30-somethings. I met a man 12 years my senior, a gentleman through and through. Unfortunately, he suffers health issues which can be quite severe at times causing cognitive dysfunction. Yet, we make it work. No doubt, I am learning what a "real" marriage is and at times, it is exceedingly difficult. We continue to go on little adventures and love one another through it all. He is, what I would describe the love of my life; we have seen the best of times and the worst of times, all in the short span of a 1 1/2 year marriage.
As for my career, I have soared to heights I hadn't dreamed possible. I am dreaming big and working toward a career in educational administration. Right now, my job is somewhere between teaching and that. I am also in school. No small feat for a 58, soon to be, 59 year old. It has taken strength and determination to break through the changes I have made this year. New job and graduate school. But I believe in what I am doing is God's will for my life. I have a way of motivating students, which is important when working with an at-risk group of kids. And somehow, I do it in a way that makes them laugh.
And so, for those contemplating divorce, don't expect a quick turn-around. It takes YEARS to get on your feet. Some folks don't have the stomach for it and just continue in a bad marriage. Others don't really want to go through the pain of change. I don't advocate divorce, but if you are going to do it, understand it really takes time to get a foothold of your finances and personal life.
Having said that, would I go through divorce again? Absolutely. I have found that I am stronger and braver than I ever imagined. I am becoming the person God always wanted me to be. I found freedom and felt alive for the first time in forever.
I always told my ex I wanted to rebuild my life on a foundation of rock, not sand...with Christ as the cornerstone. I have done that and continue to do so.
