#200

So here it is...my 200th post.  Hard to believe that what began as a little research on "What is Marriage?" has snowballed into this...a blog with a following of over 41,000 readers from all over the world!  I remember writing my first blog and sharing it with my ex-husband.  I told him I believed God would do something amazing with it.  He laughed and showed me a YouTube video that had 200,000 views.  No, I'm nowhere near that number -- yet, to me, it doesn't matter.  I am here through the glory of God to offer hope, healing and encouragement to those that need it.

You know, I found the quote by Leon Brown this morning.  The truth is, we can be bitter about what life hands us or move forward and have a great appreciation for what we have.  I can remember having a mere $5.00 in my checking account, this time in 2013.  Today, I have $39.00 with 2 days to payday.  I am really not a whole lot better off.  However, I am grateful for what I do have; I have a family who loves me, a roof over my head, a job, friends, food on the table and frankly, all that I need.  I do not have extras like cable TV and you know what?  I'm okay with that.  Do I hope to one day be able to retire?  Absolutely!  Will the world end if I don't?  Doubtful.

Years ago, God told me I would go into ministry.  I searched high and low trying to figure out what that meant.  At the end of the day, I know it has to do with my teaching and offering hope to others; whether in the classroom or in this format.  Yet, God doesn't need me -- I need Him.  He is my Hope, my Healer and my Encourager.  He is who has made me strong in times of weakness.  I am in no way perfect -- far from it.  Yet, I know that He loves my imperfectly perfect self.

And so, I have learned to be ever grateful in my present circumstances and to have faith; faith that all things will work out according to His plan and purpose.  Sometimes I forget that -- it's those times when we get into trouble!  Times when you try to "force a square peg into a round hole".  It may sound trite but "let go and let God".  Hand over your problems to Him.  I promise, at the end of the day, you will find the blessing.  And if you can't, find a friend who can -- one of those people I refer to as an "earthly" angel.  They will show you the Way.  God has a way of shining bright light when times are dark.

I have attached a video from BBC.  Watch it.  Learn from it.  It is one of the most beautiful videos I have ever seen...God's glory at His finest. 


http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-34862437
 "I will not give you the gift of hating you."


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My Oola Journey: From Fat to Fabulous

Let me see, how can I put this?  Folks, the struggle is real!!!  I have been struggling since Halloween.  I have gained 5 pounds and although still down 20 pounds, I feel it!  I cannot even imagine going back to where I was because those 5 pounds are making me miserable!

I am back on my program and very determined.  I have also learned some lessons along the way.  First, never ever promise someone you will lose 50 pounds... Most of all, yourself!  "Why?", you may ask.  I have learned on this journey that 50 pounds may very much be too much weight to lose, especially at my age.  Instead of looking better, I may end up looking my age!  Not attractive and not how I wish to look.  No, my goal is to look and feel better.  And so, I am now taking this weight loss journey in 10 pound increments.  When I am at a point that I am satisfied with how I look -- and I mean, a realistic view--I will stop. 

As time and counseling continue, I realize how unrealistic my expectations were of myself.  When I weighed 130 pounds, I was darned near skeletal.  To maintain that weight, I ate a few bites per meal and exercised, quite literally, day and night.  And yet, I thought I was fat and needed to lose more!  Thankfully, I never did.  However, when people are referring to you as "svelte" (which I loved, by the way), it's time to rethink how you look.  Movie stars are "svelte".  I, personally, want to be healthy.

I am going back to OolaPalooza 2015 and won't be putting a sticker on the accomplished surfboard.  I haven't accomplished my goal of a 50 pound weight loss.  However,  I've accomplished so much more.  I've accomplished learning to love myself.  I've accomplished losing 20-odd pounds.  I've accomplished looking and feeling better.  I've accomplished knowing that I had a very unhealthy image of myself for my entire life.  I've accomplished reducing my risk of diabetes and heart disease.  I've accomplished being a role model for others who struggle with weight.  I've accomplished an appreciation for growing older and the authenticity of the journey itself.

And so, Dr. Dave and Dr. Troy, don't be terribly disappointed when I arrive at OP15, smaller but not "at goal" because "that goal" has changed.  You see, as you both know, part of Oola is about revisiting our goals, tweaking them, and becoming the best person we can be. 

I began this weight loss journey with the idea that it would be about losing weight.  The truth is, it became so much more.  It has changed me in so many ways -- positive and healthy ways.  Were it not for that 50 pound sticker, I would have never understood  the difference between being "motivated" versus being "committed".  I would not have found that self-love that somehow escaped me for a lifetime.  I would not have discovered moderation versus an "all-or-nothing" attitude.  I would not have spent the last year on a journey that will be remembered for a lifetime.

So, I'm raising a proverbial glass to toast this past year.  I can't wait to see you all again!  I can't wait to sit down and write down my dreams and goals -- whatever they may be.  And most importantly, I can't wait for the journey that will ensue.  And so, the weight loss journey continues.  To those who have been reading and possibly losing those pounds, I'm also raising that glass for you...I hope you are loving this journey as much as I am, even with the challenges, frustrations and roadblocks. At the end of the day, it's about the journey not the destination -- because you never know where it will take you! 

Christmas is Coming!

Last night, I had a dream....a nightmare really.  In it, I lost my mother -- again!  It was a sad dream because I watched my mother pass away all over again.  Granted, it was a peaceful passing but it was sad to watch.  It was not the exact circumstances in which she died but it was very similar.  In it, she had ventricular fibrillation and then, I watched the heart monitor as it slowed to a stop and then, she was gone.

My mother passed away December 21, 2007.  I dream about her almost every night..  I miss her.  She was my rock -- the matriarch of our family, who kept us all together.  A few months ago, my father began joining her in my dreams and other folks whom I have known on this life's journey.
I'm not sure why they are all deciding to "pay a visit".  So, why is this happening now?

Part of it is probably the anniversary of her death.  I miss her terribly this year.  I have had to deal with many personal issues.   I would like to talk with her about them but can't.  Instead, I pay a counselor who, although learned and nice, is just not the same as my mother.  I find myself trying to imagine what she would say but somehow, the words aren't coming because the truth is, I don't know what she would say?!  I used to call her friends when I missed her but now, they too have all passed away as well.

So, today I find myself getting busy and thinking about the holidays.  I will be spending Thanksgiving with my daughter and Christmas with friends.  It is never quite the same as having the whole family together, as we did in years past.  I miss the excitement of our kids barely eating Christmas dinner as they were anxiously anticipating opening gifts.  I miss seeing their smiles as they ripped open their presents and squealed with delight.  Most of all, I miss seeing my mom sitting at the head of the table in a beautiful bathrobe, watching over the scene; and then, when she was tired, declaring the evening over by singing, "The Party's Over". 

And so, I guess in many ways, the party really is over...there will be many more Christmases but not with the same dynamics of those when we were growing up and those moments with our children.  The traditions of beef tenderloin being served and opening presents on Christmas Eve continue.  Grandma (me), still gets in a pretty bathrobe.  I just don't sing that particular song as well as my mother. 

So as a tribute, I am attaching a rendition of the song she sang. https://youtu.be/dqalG66fccg  Mom, thank you for making such sweet memories for us.  YOU -- were the best gift of all!

Taking Stock: My Oola Journey

It has been a year since I went to Oolapalooza 2014, and what an incredible experience it was!  Aside from meeting some amazing people, the convention forced me to set goals in the areas of fitness, finance, family, fun, faith, field, friends and work toward achieving them.  I met more goals than I dreamed, and yet, there is a certain introspection as to what I need to do to continue to improve myself.

My biggest goal was in the area of fitness; to lose 50 pounds.  Although I have not met that goal, I have lost half that amount.  Could I have lost the fifty?  Maybe. I started the year off with a bang!  However, I did have many physical issues this year that contributed to my inability to get there, such as a car accident that messed up my back and then hurting my foot while playing tennis.  I also am somewhat stubborn and believe that even if you are dieting, you need to balance that with living.  And so, in keeping with Oola Fun, derailed myself at least weekly!

So, my goal for Oola fun was to do just that....have fun!  Get together with friends at least twice a month and go visit my BFF's.  And what a great year it has been in that area!  I have been meeting with friends regularly, going out to movies weekly, hitting a few happy hours here and there, and having dinners out.  Not so great on the diet but super fantastic for fun and friends. 

My family goal?  It was to see my out-of-state children/grandchildren once a year and to have dinner once a week with my two boys in town.  I saw my grandchildren in St. Louis twice this year and am going to see my grandchildren in Texas for the second time this year.  I have definitely accomplished that goal.  Believe it or not, it was harder to meet up with the in-state kiddos, since they have lives outside of mom.   Okay, well, I can understand that since they are ages 26 and 20.  My goal was to get together with my boys on a weekly basis.  However, since they have have jobs, hobbies, friends, et cetera, mama was not a priority.  I think, in retrospect, that is how it's supposed to be actually.  However, we talk and text regularly and do get together about once a month rather than once a week.  Perhaps that goal was a bit ambitious, given the ages of my boys. 

Finance...that was a big one for this year.  I wanted to save a thousand dollars and get closer out of debt.  I did achieve both of those goals but not in the manner in which I had imagined.  First, I did open a 403b account, which is a retirement fund for teachers.  I do put a small amount in there every pay period and so, it is gradually growing.  I also increased my amount of life insurance, which wasn't in the plan but I thought a good idea.  I did decrease my debt load by going through a Chapter 13 bankruptcy; not ideal but found I was working myself to death.  I was also pushed into it when I received a $93,000 bill from my former mortgage company.   I still wonder if it was the right thing to do; my friends assure me it was.  So yes, I have a smaller debt load.  I also have a significantly lower income since I quit working three jobs.  I have my car and student loans left.  No credit cards or home loan balance.  I doubt I will ever own another home but that's ok.  I want to get out of debt completely in the next 10 years.

As far as my career, I wanted to increase my readership on my blog.  That was accomplished.  I have had as many as 3,000-4,000 readers per month.  Over 40,000 people have read the blog.  Last year at this time, I'm pretty sure I had fewer than 10,000 readers.  My messages of hope, healing and encouragement are getting out there -- and to a worldwide audience!  I also wanted to increase my income by 5%.  Unfortunately, our school district is fighting over teacher salaries.  Presently, they are frozen.  This is my 8th year as a teacher but I am on a step 4.  This does not bode well for my retirement since it is based off the last 3 years of income.  I do have many more years to go but at this rate, I might be at a step 10 by the time I retire at year 25, which would mean, I probably won't be able to retire at all.  I am currently trying to come up with a solution  No doubt, something to ponder at OP15.

I also had certain goals in the area of faith.  It is interesting because what I perceived I needed to do and what God had me do were two entirely different things.  Do I feel like I missed the mark in faith?  Sometimes I think so...but also, I trust my life to God.  At the end of the day, I believe my blog is a ministry of sorts and that, quite frankly, is what I believe God wants me to do.

And so, December 4th and 5th will be the second annual Oolapalooza.  I can't wait to see my friends, talk about our past year and set goals for 2016.  I am in a better place than I was a year ago and certainly, far better than I was in 2013.  That was the year I read a (then little-known) book called "Oola:  Find Balance in an Unbalanced World".  Drs. David Braun and Troy Amdahl have not just changed my life but changed the lives of many. 

And so, Oola -- a word describing balance and growth in the 7 key areas of life that I just described, has made its mark on my life.  It has changed me -- I believe, for the better.  I have come to understand what it means to be grateful for all things -- good and bad -- and humble.  For you won't soon meet two men who have this attitude ingrained in their hearts like these two.   

Thank you doctors for healing this lady -- and giving me the opportunity to share what you have inspired in me.  For teaching me how to find my life and live again -- it is, after all,  very Oola.

Judge your Neighbor?

Christians are really great at quoting Scripture, but I would challenge you today to live out your faith.  Back in the 1990's, I was one of those Christians.  However, as time has gone on, I have learned that there is no condemnation in Christ.  Jesus taught many things but one thing he stressed was love and sharing that love with one another.

In today's society, we are confronted with many things.  How many of you are guilty of judging others?  Someone's too skinny?  Too fat?  Too tall?  Too short?  Her skirt's too short!  They're promiscuous!  Those Democrats/Republicans!...They're ....whatever they're "doing". 

What did Jesus say when he saw the woman who was about to be stoned for adultery..."  John 8:4-11 recounts this... 
“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵ The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”
⁶ They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. ⁷ They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” ⁸ Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.
⁹ When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. ¹⁰ Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
¹¹ “No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

In a way, Jesus was saying, any who are perfect, go ahead and throw that rock.    But who among us is perfect?  You got it!  And yes, Jesus knew it from the get go!  This parable shows us that Jesus came not to condemn the world but to free it....save it from itself, if you will.  How many of us walk out into the street and probably a hundred times a day, judge others?

John 3:17 says, "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."

So today, my challenge is for all to be just a little less judgmental and a lot more loving.  We all fall short but if we all took the time to love one another as we love ourselves, then the world would be a much better place!