Let me see, how can I put this? Folks, the struggle is real!!! I have been struggling since Halloween. I have gained 5 pounds and although still down 20 pounds, I feel it! I cannot even imagine going back to where I was because those 5 pounds are making me miserable!
I am back on my program and very determined. I have also learned some lessons along the way. First, never ever promise someone you will lose 50 pounds... Most of all, yourself! "Why?", you may ask. I have learned on this journey that 50 pounds may very much be too much weight to lose, especially at my age. Instead of looking better, I may end up looking my age! Not attractive and not how I wish to look. No, my goal is to look and feel better. And so, I am now taking this weight loss journey in 10 pound increments. When I am at a point that I am satisfied with how I look -- and I mean, a realistic view--I will stop.
As time and counseling continue, I realize how unrealistic my expectations were of myself. When I weighed 130 pounds, I was darned near skeletal. To maintain that weight, I ate a few bites per meal and exercised, quite literally, day and night. And yet, I thought I was fat and needed to lose more! Thankfully, I never did. However, when people are referring to you as "svelte" (which I loved, by the way), it's time to rethink how you look. Movie stars are "svelte". I, personally, want to be healthy.
I am going back to OolaPalooza 2015 and won't be putting a sticker on the accomplished surfboard. I haven't accomplished my goal of a 50 pound weight loss. However, I've accomplished so much more. I've accomplished learning to love myself. I've accomplished losing 20-odd pounds. I've accomplished looking and feeling better. I've accomplished knowing that I had a very unhealthy image of myself for my entire life. I've accomplished reducing my risk of diabetes and heart disease. I've accomplished being a role model for others who struggle with weight. I've accomplished an appreciation for growing older and the authenticity of the journey itself.
And so, Dr. Dave and Dr. Troy, don't be terribly disappointed when I arrive at OP15, smaller but not "at goal" because "that goal" has changed. You see, as you both know, part of Oola is about revisiting our goals, tweaking them, and becoming the best person we can be.
I began this weight loss journey with the idea that it would be about losing weight. The truth is, it became so much more. It has changed me in so many ways -- positive and healthy ways. Were it not for that 50 pound sticker, I would have never understood the difference between being "motivated" versus being "committed". I would not have found that self-love that somehow escaped me for a lifetime. I would not have discovered moderation versus an "all-or-nothing" attitude. I would not have spent the last year on a journey that will be remembered for a lifetime.
So, I'm raising a proverbial glass to toast this past year. I can't wait to see you all again! I can't wait to sit down and write down my dreams and goals -- whatever they may be. And most importantly, I can't wait for the journey that will ensue. And so, the weight loss journey continues. To those who have been reading and possibly losing those pounds, I'm also raising that glass for you...I hope you are loving this journey as much as I am, even with the challenges, frustrations and roadblocks. At the end of the day, it's about the journey not the destination -- because you never know where it will take you!
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