Christmas is Coming!

Last night, I had a dream....a nightmare really.  In it, I lost my mother -- again!  It was a sad dream because I watched my mother pass away all over again.  Granted, it was a peaceful passing but it was sad to watch.  It was not the exact circumstances in which she died but it was very similar.  In it, she had ventricular fibrillation and then, I watched the heart monitor as it slowed to a stop and then, she was gone.

My mother passed away December 21, 2007.  I dream about her almost every night..  I miss her.  She was my rock -- the matriarch of our family, who kept us all together.  A few months ago, my father began joining her in my dreams and other folks whom I have known on this life's journey.
I'm not sure why they are all deciding to "pay a visit".  So, why is this happening now?

Part of it is probably the anniversary of her death.  I miss her terribly this year.  I have had to deal with many personal issues.   I would like to talk with her about them but can't.  Instead, I pay a counselor who, although learned and nice, is just not the same as my mother.  I find myself trying to imagine what she would say but somehow, the words aren't coming because the truth is, I don't know what she would say?!  I used to call her friends when I missed her but now, they too have all passed away as well.

So, today I find myself getting busy and thinking about the holidays.  I will be spending Thanksgiving with my daughter and Christmas with friends.  It is never quite the same as having the whole family together, as we did in years past.  I miss the excitement of our kids barely eating Christmas dinner as they were anxiously anticipating opening gifts.  I miss seeing their smiles as they ripped open their presents and squealed with delight.  Most of all, I miss seeing my mom sitting at the head of the table in a beautiful bathrobe, watching over the scene; and then, when she was tired, declaring the evening over by singing, "The Party's Over". 

And so, I guess in many ways, the party really is over...there will be many more Christmases but not with the same dynamics of those when we were growing up and those moments with our children.  The traditions of beef tenderloin being served and opening presents on Christmas Eve continue.  Grandma (me), still gets in a pretty bathrobe.  I just don't sing that particular song as well as my mother. 

So as a tribute, I am attaching a rendition of the song she sang. https://youtu.be/dqalG66fccg  Mom, thank you for making such sweet memories for us.  YOU -- were the best gift of all!