Let Your God Love You

A repost from I don't remember where....I just liked it!


Be silent
Be still
Alone
Empty
Before your God
Say nothing
Ask nothing
Be silent
Be still
Let your God
Look upon you
That is all
God knows
And understands
God loves you with
An enormous love
Wanting only to
Look upon you
With love
Quiet
Still Be
Let your God
Love you

My Oola Journey: From Fat to Fabulous

"Sed non ut edam vivo ut vivam edo --  We eat to live not live to eat."  It was a phrase I heard often from my dad -- and he even used the Latin verbiage.  Interesting to grow up in a household when at the tender age of puberty, I was lambasted for being overweight at 110 pounds.  You know,  if my dad were alive, I would not be the weight I am today.  I just wouldn't -- it was  always easier to lose the weight than listen to him tell me how big my butt was (when I was a mere ten pounds overweight).   Although he meant well, and I truly believe that, it just didn't come out well in the translation; if you'll excuse the pun.

My weight loss journey has not been as successful as I had hoped at this point in time.  I had thought surely, I would be down a good 25 pounds.  The truth is, I am gaining weight and not really sure why.  My best guess is menopause.  The weight I have gained since May 2013 not only has been a good 35 pounds but it has settled in places that I never ever imagined.  I am, however, in this for the long haul.  So, I exercise a few times a week.  I have now cut out most carbs as well.  I know the secret to my weight loss is a matter of finding what works for me and this is not a one-size-fits-all solution.  Yes, calories in and exercise are a good part of it but frankly, when I lost 40 pounds last year, it was because I was eating less than 1000 calories a day; not realistic and certainly not healthy.

Fortunately, I have the support of some very good friends.  One in particular, motivates me because he loves to go to the gym.  He is a gourmet cook and takes the time to really prepare a meal.  As a result, I have started to do the same.  My eating habits are slowly changing.  I am going for more fresh foods and less processed. 

Today, I saw an article on Facebook that talked about Japan dumping nuclear waste into the Pacific.  Made me want to become a vegetarian.  Let's face it.  There are GMO's, hormones, antibiotics, high fructose corn syrup and other things in our foods that is doing God knows what to our bodies.  No one will probably know the effects for years.   But, I promise, mine will be the first generation to find out since this began in the 1990's.  Americans are suffering from an epidemic of obesity.  So much, that it is predicted our children will not live as long as us.

We can also blame our lifestyle for this.   We work too hard, are too tired to cook when we come home and fast food has made it incredibly easy to get food, well...fast!  It is also difficult to exercise when you are tired.  It's sort of a giant hamster wheel that many find themselves on.  All we want to do when we get home is decompress from the stress of the day.  Television or computer and a snack are fast fixes for that.

The truth is, nothing de-stresses better than good old-fashioned exercise.  Although I only make it to the gym three times a week (not enough to lose weight but it's a start), I definitely feel better and am more inclined to take the time to choose healthier foods.  I find myself cooking and preparing "real" lunches instead of processed frozen food.  It takes about 30 minutes more time but it is worth it.  And, since my tutoring job is over for the summer, I do have more time to prepare during the week and do not need to take a full day on the week-end to cook and freeze.

So, what's the solution? Is there one?  Of course there is.  I know I need to continue on the course I am on.  I believe my hormones are indeed out of whack for the time being but they will eventually settle down.  In the meantime, I will have developed healthier habits.  It also helps to have the support of friends who adore me no matter what.  Summer is just around the corner, which will free up my time to get into the gym more often.  Truth be told, I enjoy working out.  Sweating actually feels good.  Trust me, this from the woman who a few years ago said, "I hate to exercise -- you sweat and get out of breath".  I now find that I am no longer winded when on the treadmill, and easily walk one and a half to two miles when I am there.  My ultimate goal is to do 4 miles in an hour.  Do-able.  I have no doubts about that.  I'd also like to take a few classes -- just to check them out and get a little bit more flexibility back.  I know -- it's shocking!  As we age, we not only lose our looks but our flexibility and balance, in case you didn't know.  For you twenty-somethings who are in shape -- let this be a staunch warning to continue doing what you are doing at the gym; not just to look so fabulous but more importantly, to be healthy.

Over the years, I have had a million excuses for not keep my weight off.   I don't know if the baby weight excuse still applies here, since my youngest is now 19 years old.   However, I do see a positive  change in myself.  First, I enjoy the time I am at the gym.   I am willing to put myself first, when it comes to health.  I am trying to not be so hard and judgmental about how I look.  That's the hardest one.  It's deep-rooted and will take time.  But it is losing its grip.  I realize that my exterior is not a complete reflection of who I am.  It's my spirit and soul that are also a part of me.  And I love those parts.  One day, the outside will catch up with the inside.  And if it doesn't?  Well, I'll cross that bridge at a later time.  For now, I continue this Oola journey and darn it -- Dr. Dave and Dr. Troy --if I don't want a better score on that Oola Wheel in the area of fitness! 

 In the meantime, I will keep you apprised of this journey -- as it is one.  I believe by the end of the year, I will reach my goal.  More importantly, I have set a goal and continue to work toward it.  Have you?  If not, sit down and set that goal.  Make a plan and work the plan.  If it doesn't work, as the OolaGuys say, "course correct".  Eventually, you will find what works for you.  This is not an easy journey and certainly not for the faint of heart.  It took me a year to get where I am today, and I expect no less than that to get the weight off.  And you know what?  I'm okay with that.  This is a journey -- my Oola journey.  I seek progress not perfection as I live my OolaLife.

Touchstones

I wrote a piece on touchstones in our lives a couple of years ago.  I am revamping the old post; although it was outdated, I still think it's important because there is something to be said for the touchstones in our lives.   I have a new person in my life; I'd dare say, he's a touchstone as I can reach out to him.  Like my other touchstones, he knows the secrets, where the skeletons are buried, and the "real" me, both inside and out.  To all my touchstones, I thank you.  You are the heart of a friend; someone who is always there and loves me no matter what.
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It's been a long time since I've posted. More than 2 years. I'm changing -- been doing some soul-searching. You see, after my mother passed away, so did a part of me. My mother was my "touchstone". If you don't know what I mean, watch "Terms of Endearment" - right before Emma dies. Better yet, I'll save you some time and tears. A touchstone refers to a person who knows everything about you...where you came from, your history, and memories you've shared. It's someone who knows everything about you. I used to be funny and have lots to say on a variety of different topics. If you don't believe me, just ask my family and friends. I was incredibly entertaining! Somehow, I've become quieter and introspective. But there are a few people who can bring out the "old" me...my best friend, my son and this new man in my life.

My best friend has been there for the past 48 years. You want to talk history -- she knows where all the skeletons are -- starting from pre-school (if you can have skeletons in pre-school...) We might not see each other except once a year but when we get together, we sit for hours in the coffee shop and laugh non-stop. It's like a one-upmanship (if there is such a word); and frankly, I couldn't tell you who does a better job. I just know, we are both at our comedic best. Whether it's fashion, TV shows or family -- no matter how sacred it is (excluding religion which is definitely a no-no), it's up for grabs.

As for my son, he's definitely shares his grandmother's sense of humor! And boy, do we let the banter fly. We're both ADHD (undiagnosed) but you can tell by our disjointed conversations that it's there -- and the apple certainly doesn't fall far from the tree! Our talk seems to happen in parallel universes, and yet, we both know what the other is saying. He makes me laugh until I cry. (Frankly, this can be a bit disconcerting, particularly when I'm driving). This, from the boy who used to just make me cry!!

I have added a new touchstone to my life.  It is a gentleman that I have gotten to know over the past couple of months.  We tell each other everything.  He knows me inside and out; not just from our conversations but from my writings.  Yes, he is one of the few people who actually reads my blogs -- all of them.  I give him credit for having the willingness and wherewithal to actually sit down and read them.  More importantly, he understands who I am from them. 
 
As for my friends and myself, we live in different parts of the world.  Yes, it's still the U.S. but Las Vegas is about as far away from the Midwest as you can get on both a social and geographical scale.   My BFF (best female friend) and my BMF (best male friend) have never met. Yet, I suspect that aside from having a love for me, they would find some commonalities.  They both are extremely funny, are family oriented and I can call them day or night.  Truly, rare in today's society. 

As for my son, social mores just aren't his thing -- never have been. Even though we live in a society aka Las Vegas, where everyone marches to the beat of a different drum, his beat is just beyond anything I've experienced. If I said he was Bohemian, that would be an understatement.   He's not afraid to make social commentary and does so with such a bite that you'd swear you were missing a part of you.  Go ahead, turn around and look.    To quote him, "everyone wants to conform to non-conformity".  How does he come up with this stuff? More power to him -- I think it's brilliant! He reminds me of ...well, me (but with much more ferocity due to the testosterone levels coursing through his body) -- and if he wanted to, I swear he could do stand-up. His rants (and they are definitely rants) are crazy, fun, spontaneous and most of all, remind me of  one of the most important touchstones in my life; my mother. She would be proud of his outspokenness and quick wit!

You know, my mom used to say "when you're dead, you're dead".  With all due respect mom, I disagree.  You may be gone physically but you continue to live on through the part that you touched...that touchstone that never dies. 

So, who's the touchstone in your life?  A friend?  A parent?  Your partner?  Perhaps you have more than one... I do.  Each one has an important place in my life.  I wouldn't want to replace any of them.  They keep me real; they keep me sane; they are there for me to reach out to -- to hold, to talk with, to give me strength on bad days, to wipe my tears but most of all, to laugh.  They are the people who have made a real difference in my life and  make me realize how lucky I am to have them as the building blocks of my life.  They are gifts from God; my very own touchstones.

In Memoriam

  Today as Memorial Day comes to a close, I am reminded of a young man that I didn’t even know.  He was a man that was killed while my ex-husband worked in Iraq as a contractor.  My ex showed me one picture of him one day– he had a mega-watt smile that lit up the sky.  More importantly, he had a deep faith.  You could see the joy in his face.  He was away from his family and yet, that smile captivated my heart that day.   It’s been several years since I was shown that picture and yet, I can still see his face.

            My ex told me the story of his demise.  It was to be a quick run in the city.  Yet, he never made it back to the base.  He was not required to go; he went merely to keep a friend company on the ride.  It was not to be more than a ten minute run.  The officer who convinced him to tag along felt immense grief and guilt.  No one could have foreseen that ending yet, do any of us know when God will call us home?
            I think of his wife and three young children he left behind.  How they must have felt upon hearing the news.  I don’t know what they were told; I don’t know them, other than they were part of his family.  And yet, they suffered.  Their husband and daddy was collateral damage.

I have a place of prayer and worship in my house.  Aside from various crosses, I have a candle and a stand where the candle sits . There is a little rock garden around it and in that rock garden are four small metal ovals with angels embossed on them.  I look at those angels and think of that man, his wife, his family.  To me, those angels represent that soldier and his children.  When I think about that smile and that inner connection I felt, I feel a sadness.  I’m not really even sure why.  My pastor suggested that perhaps I needed to pray for his children.  Perhaps.  Perhaps it is just that smile on a page; a picture of someone who was a family member, a service member, a man made in God’s image.

           And so, tonight, I will say a prayer for him and his family.  I will say prayers for all servicemen that lost their lives in defense of our freedom and those still actively serving.  I will also say a prayer for their families.  In the end, it doesn’t matter why we went to war; only that they were willing to go.  To make the sacrifices necessary to for us to have life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  I don’t think many people think about that often enough.  Perhaps this homage to a young man will make you think; remember; and not be quite so judgmental to those who wear our uniform.   It is because of them I am able to sleep a little more soundly tonight.  Thank you, to the men and women in our armed forces for your service; thank you for you and your families’ sacrifice; thank you for all you do.

 

 

 

My Oola Journey: Finance

As my readers know, this past year has not been without financial struggles.  Admitting to friends and family just how bad my financial situation is has been incredibly humbling.   You are talking an educated woman who basically found herself with zero savings and retirement at the age of 53.  I will be the first to say, "not cool." 

I have worked very hard just to stay afloat.  Yet, despite my troubles, I have always believed that God would provide for me and that I had to lean on Him for my provision.  Each and every time I have faced a struggle, that has proven true.  But, it has also required planning on my part -- setting goals -- and going after them.  In short, living an Oola life, which includes being grateful for all things; the good and bad.  And so, it is with a grateful heart that I write this blog because today, He gave me my life back; I have hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Amen!

One of the biggest stumbling blocks since the divorce has been my struggle with student loans.  I have a mountain of them.  Yes, I have my education and no one can ever take that away from me.  Yet, many times I have questioned my decision to go back to school so late in life.  Still, I knew that God wanted me in this profession and working with these very special children; it is my ministry.  And so, although struggling and working 2-3 jobs, I have managed to stay afloat.  Nothing extra but always enough.  And for that, I have been ever grateful to God.

About a month ago, I heard of a seminar being held at the Nevada State Educators Association that talked about loan forgiveness for educators.  I had heard about it, and in fact, had looked up the information on my own.  I had the paperwork in my purse to apply when I called to reserve a seat to this seminar.  It was not held by the NSEA but was presented by two gentlemen who worked in the financial services field.  Yet, one was clearly knowledgeable in the area of student loans.  After the seminar, they offered to meet individually to see if you had the type of loans that qualified.  Obviously, I made the appointment.  Today, I finally met with the young man -- another of God's angels; it was a life-changing experience!

Not only do my loans qualify (and it is truly a significant amount of debt that will be forgiven) due to the fact that I am a public servant but also, my loan payments will be reduced until the loans are forgiven. But the real beauty of this? I will have enough money at the end of the day to begin really saving for my retirement.

Now, some would say, "Well gee, any public servant can get the loan forgiveness...what makes you think it's all about God that made it happen?"  Here's how I see it.  First of all, from what I hear, most people who are in debt the way I am, turn a blind eye.  They are so overwhelmed they do not even know where to begin.  I, on the other hand, have chosen to resolve this issue the best way that I can.  It has taken a lot of work -- over a year now -- to try and sort this out.  This did not happen simply because of my wherewithal alone.  Frankly, there were times of much despair and anguish.  Yet, I knew -- yes, knew in my heart that God would help me with this.  I had that very expectation.  Why?  Because He has been my provision this entire time!  He has sent angels my way over and over again; ordinary people who either could pray for me, with me, or have the knowledge to help me move forward.   Despite having moments of very little, if any, money in my checking account, I have continued to tithe as much as I could.  I am not up to 10%  yet, but still working to get there.  I also try to serve others as much as I can to make up for the shortfall.

Additionally, God's promises are not empty.  Read Jeremiah 29:11 again. Those words are from God.  We cannot always depend on man but we can always depend on God.

Lastly, I have always known that although debt-laden, there is more to life than money.  Money does not buy happiness.  However, you have to move beyond mere happiness to joy.  Joy is so much more powerful than happiness.  Think of happiness as superficial, whereas joy is deep.   It comes from inside yourself and resides in your very spirit.  It's given to you by your Creator.  It's the kind of  joy you have  despite your circumstances; good or bad.  The joy I'm talking about doesn't come from going to the mall but from knowing Him. 

 How do you acquire this kind of joy?  Read the Bible or a daily devotional.  Attend a worship service.  Go out and have some fun with Christian friends.  Pray.  Look at the sunset over the mountains or sit on your patio with a cup of coffee and smell the fresh-cut grass.  Walk barefoot in the grass and feel the morning dew on your feet.   Sing a song praising God at the top of your lungs or listen to the cicadas sing their song.  Hug your kids, your spouse, your significant other, your best friend.  God is not just in a church -- He is everywhere!  Believe me, He is waiting for you to reach out to him -- but you have to also be listening with your heart, for He is reaching out to you.

So, as I work toward balancing my Oola life and in particular, on my finances this year, I realize that I am making strides.  Today was a huge victory -- not just for me but for God.  He has shown me to continue to not just rely on His provision but to continue to take the necessary steps in order to meet my goal of being debt-free. 

I want to take a moment and encourage those that are struggling.  I know what you are going through.  It is not easy. Yet, we can allow our journey in life to make us stronger or break us.  It is a choice.  I have chosen to be strong.  To be victorious.  To allow Him to work in me and through me.  Make a positive choice and hold your head up.  Success isn't measured by the size of your wallet but by the size of your heart.  I think that's something we can all agree on.

An Oola Reminder

 

 

 

 

 

 

So today I had a good reminder of how easy it is to slip into old habits.  To look into the "rear-view" mirror of my life, if you will.  One of the thing that Oola teaches is don't look back.  Sometimes you hear things and it "clicks" right away; sounds good.  However, putting it into practice can often times be so much more difficult. 

 

 Today, I did something that was pretty "un-Oola".  I looked in that rear-view mirror. Now, rear-view mirrors have a saying on them -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear" -- the car manufacturers got that right!  I looked in that mirror and you know what I saw?  Lack of trust.  Yes, that's a biggie for me and that is something that has been looming large for a long time.  You see, my experiences in life have led me to a place of distrust.  Something that is there but not reasonable to continue to look at -- Why?  It's behind me.  It looms large and is close to me.  Yet, it is in my rear-view mirror. 

Let's face it, if I'm a Christian, I have chosen to trust God.  Yet, today my trust went flying out the window.  What happened?  I looked back.  I didn't look ahead.  If I looked forward you know what I'd see?  A new view!  Something wonderful -- exciting -- fun!  Hills and curves -- things that I can't even comprehend that are waiting around the bend.  And yet, I made a decision -- consciously or not -- to look behind.  To see what I saw for years; those skeletons that were waving and saying, "Hey there....it's me!    Where've you been, old friend?"

Truth is, those skeletons aren't my friends.  They're scary and dirty and a shell of who I am now.  I am so not what those skeletons represent.  Yet, I allowed them to take over my thinking for just long enough to trip me up.  I allowed them to creep back into my mind.

So, today I have vowed to look forward.  I know on this journey I will take "missteps."  It's bound to happen.  I wouldn't be human if it didn't.  But the best thing about looking back?  I can see how far I've come.  I am moving forward.  I am working hard to become a different person.  I may not be there yet, but I am getting there.  Thank you, Oola for giving me something tangible that I can relate to -- that rearview mirror.  When I look in it, I see a past that needs to stay behind me.  My future is what lies ahead.  If I stare in that mirror too long, I'm bound to crash.  So, with the sun shining brightly in the window, it's God I choose to let be in that driver's seat.  He will guide me; safely and on a road with far less bumps than I could ever hope to navigate by myself.

The Gift of Song

I saw a wall post on Facebook the other day.  It said, "God's mercy is bigger than any mistake that you've made."  We ALL fall short of the glory of God, and that's what I'd like to write about tonight.

The other day, my son who is a musician -- the one who does not profess to be of any particular faith -- made a startling observation.  He said, "Mom, you're one of the few people I know who actually acts like a Christian!"  It was one of those moments when you feel proud -- like, "yeah, someone finally noticed."  The funny thing is -- it isn't a Christian who noticed.  He's the kid who always marched to the beat of a different drum.  Yet, he is the one who sees it.  I cannot take credit or boast in this observation of his, for it is because of God's glory that I am able to be an example to others.  Or at least, try to be.  You see, we all fall short.  I know I do -- easily, on a daily basis.  Yet, perhaps it doesn't seem that way to others.  Trust me; I do.

One particular Bible verse has me captivated tonight -- and frankly, for a few days -- and so, I feel the Holy Spirit telling me to write about it.  It's Romans 3:21-24.  It says, " But now God has shown us a way to be made right with him without keeping the requirements of the law, as was promised in the writings of Moses^[a] and the prophets long ago. ²² We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.
²³ For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. ²⁴ Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins." (NLT)  In other words, we have all sinned and fall short of God's glory.  Truly, it is only by God's grace that we are righteous through Christ Jesus.

You know, there are some days when I think about what Jesus did for us -- I mean, really did.  I think about how an innocent man was so unjustly punished.  Yet, we have a loving and just God.  Jesus' death was part of a greater plan -- the plan of redemption for humanity.  It's sort of like a beautiful, haunting melody.  This melody has minor chords in there; things that move us and stir our hearts.

So, with that in mind, think about what you did today.  Think about how you fell short from being the person God wants you to be.  Admit it -- we have all done something; big or small -- doesn't matter.  Sin is sin.  Now think about our Lord being betrayed, beaten and led like a lamb to the slaughter.  What did he think as he carried his cross?  Did he think about the pain?  Did he think about what was awaiting him  Or did he think about us?  What were some of his last words on the cross?  "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing."  Luke 23:34 (NIV)  Do you think he was just "whistling Dixie" when he said that?  Now let me ask you, what crosses are you carrying today?  Have you forgiven those who have wronged you?  Have you asked God to forgive you for your sins and repented -- turned away from them?  Think about the words you said.  Play them over in your head.  Were you an example today or part of the problem?

In this world, it is all too easy to try and "fit in" -- to make light of being a Christian.  After all, that's not "cool" to the world.  Yet, God has some very specific rules set up -- not so we don't have fun, but because He loves us and wants to protect us.  It's all there -- in the Bible.  Sort of our songbook or hymnal.   Read it sometime.  You might just learn something.  If nothing else, you will learn about what God thinks is important.  What is the music of His heart?

To align our thoughts and will with His -- it's what makes us different from the rest of the world.  We are set apart.  Holy.  Part of God's plan.  It really doesn't get much better than that, does it?  God loves us and celebrates our existence.  He has a plan for us; each one different and unique.  And yet, we are all part of the larger scheme of things.  We are the notes that make up God's music.   It seems complex but is really simple.  We are the melody -- the gift of song.  We are the symphony; part of God's plan for humanity.   Like all music, it is healing and redemptive.  It makes our hearts whole.

Get Ready to Set Sail

If I can speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy
But don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rust gate
If I speak God’s word with power, revealing all of His mysteries
And making everything as plain as day
And if I have faith to say to a mountain jump and it jumps
But I don’t love, I’m nothing
If I give all I earn to the poor
Or even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr
But I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere
So, no matter what I say, no matter what I believe, no matter what I do
I’m bankrupt without love

 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 The Message

Twitter is a form of social media that fascinates me.  It is fast-paced, short and yet, multitudes of people flock there -- each with their own reasons for being on it.  For some, it is a means of networking.  Others, it helps promote their business.  Still others, it is a way to stay in touch with the world, without having to put forth a lot of effort.  After all, 140 characters goes by pretty quickly when writing a tweet.  However, I'm even more fascinated by the number of individuals who are out there and trying to change the world; make it a better place.  I have met several individuals who are doing just that; one such individual is Pete Woolston.

I'm not even sure how I became Pete's friend -- but I dare say, he is one.  Albeit, a "Twitter-land friend" as I so aptly call my friends on Twitter, as they are folks that I will most likely never meet.  Yet, Pete has a passion; his passion is music.  Now, I can relate to that passion, as my passion likewise involves writing and an immense amount of creativity.  It also takes time -- time from our families and social lives.  The trade off is it brings us closer to God; something that is very important to both of us.  There are other things we have in common.  For instance, we love coffee.  Granted, I'm willing to drink Folger's while Pete is somewhat of a "coffee snob" but that's okay... we both love the power that caffeine rush gives us.  It seems to somehow fuel the creativity in us.  However, Pete's "real" vocation is not music.  Pete's more than a musician.  Like me, he has a day job.  He's a techno-geek.  Yes, he does something with computers but don't ask me what, as I sure couldn't tell you.  Like me, Pete has a really off-beat sense of  humor; he is incredibly funny.  Lastly, like me, he believes that God has put him on a path to fulfill His plan; to somehow make the world a better place.  And that's the real reason I'm writing this blog.  Not just to say, "Kudos, Pete -- good job!"  Yes, he deserves that and so much more -- but more importantly, to tell you about this plan and purpose God has for Pete's life.  Although Pete is married, has children, a day job and his music, he also believes in this crazy trajectory God has put him on.  More importantly, he actively works to fulfill it.

Pete's story began approximately 30 years ago.  As he tells it, after playing for an outreach, he found himself standing on the deck of  one of the Mercy Ships MV Anastasis in his native New Zealand.  There, he saw some amazing people who were doing volunteer work for Mercy Ships.  Mercy Ships is, in essence, a floating hospital.  They perform miracles by healing and caring for the poor, wherever they dock.  On this particular day, Pete felt a tug at his heart from the Holy Spirit as he looked at this massive ship.  He asked God, "...but what can I do?  I'm not a doctor or a nurse -- I'm just a musician..."  Ah, but you see, God can use anyone.  And indeed, he is using Pete.  Fast forward thirty years later,  and Pete found himself talking to some friends about Mercy Ships NZ.  As God would have it, these friends were now running Mercy Ships in New Zealand.  They asked him if he would be willing to support their cause.  Pete, thinking it would be a monetary donation, was more than willing to open his pocketbook.  But, here's the hook -- God didn't want Pete's money...he wanted his heart.  And so, his friends asked him if he would be the first NZ Affiliate artist and represent Mercy Ships as a musician?

Wow!  What a crazy, amazing God we have!  According to Pete, "This 'cool rock star' was overcome and I stumbled over my response for what seemed like, well almost 30 years...before I finally blurted out, absolutely!'"   Pete writes in his blog, "It was one of those weird sublime humbling moments when you suddenly realise (sic) that God always listens to your heart's cry, and despite decades drifting by, His response was to reach down through eternity -- through the tunnels of time -- to orchestrate an opportunity for you to make a difference that you never thought could come about.  I couldn't help but feel God's love and His incredible opportunity synergizing in my world."

Mercy Ships NZ asked Pete to write a song for them, which he did.  It's called, "Hope on My Horizon"; aptly named because it's what the poor see when the ship sails into their port.  Pete's album is not for sale yet, but I hope that you will support it when it comes out.  I will definitely post all information as it becomes available.  In the meantime, take a listen.  Pete not only has an incredible talent but an incredible heart for God.    Most importantly, this blog is not about Pete because those of us that serve God do it not to boast about ourselves, but rather, do what we do to glorify Him.  So, it is with this song that Pete so loudly proclaims a victory for all those needing hope and healing.  May your ship sail into areas that God is calling you to.  Thank you, Pete!  May you have peace and mercy in Him.

http://www.peterwoolstonmusic.com/web-offer

Prelude to a Kiss

You know, it's interesting.  God can surprise us in ways we cannot even comprehend.  For well over a year, I had decided that when the time had come for me to meet someone that God would place them in my life.  Sort of a movie scenario -- turn around and some amazing man and I would lock eyes.  There he'd be to whisk me off my feet.  Or a friend would introduce us and I'd be just bowled over by this incredible stranger.  Even, maybe it was someone I knew and we both just realized that we had more than a friendship and the start of something great.   I really am ever the romantic.

Instead, I find myself on a crazy dating site.  Meeting men that were nice enough but certainly not "the one" for me.  Frankly, I was looking for the casual--coffee and conversation; yet, even that seemed to be more than I could find.  The  men I met seemed so judgmental.  As a result, I made a decision to close out all my accounts.  As I was pulling the plug, I happened to get a note -- a "flirt", if you will.  It said, "Let's chat."  And so we did.  That was a month ago, and we've been chatting ever since.

I have preached and preached about how important it is to guard your heart.  And the truth is, I have been guarding mine.  Keeping it hidden in a box and locked away.  I didn't want the sting of rejection; I'd already had that.   I didn't want anything more than a very casual date -- without sex -- from what I could tell, not what "the world" is seeking.  I didn't want to like someone and then have them move on.  The pain was still raw from my divorce; palpable.  The memory of going through the process was too fresh.

Yet, there is a man.  One who makes me laugh so hard, I can't breathe.  A man who sends me texts every morning just to let me know he is thinking about me.  A man with an incredible smile -- something I cannot resist.  Pearly whites that light up a room?  That will do it for me every time!  And as an added bonus?  Incredibly handsome.   A man who has put up with my prying questions, demands and yes, even background checks.  And yet, he's still there.  He wants to meet me.

I had been resisting this romance.  Yet, I found myself caring for him more and more with each phone call, which by the way, lasted for hours.  Still, I was scared; scared to allow myself to care, scared to trust myself, scared to let my heart out of the box.  What if I was  hurt again?  What if this person was not who he represented himself to be?  "What if's" ran over and over in my head.

Monday and Tuesday, I was home sick.  While sitting under a blanket in my 1980's mauve rocker -- a garage sale find -- I found myself mulling over this romance.  I  went so far as to write a friend about it.  He told me (none too subtly) that, at first I was afraid of being alone -- and now that I had someone, I was on the road to a major self-sabotage.  I thought about that analysis long and hard.  Much as I hated to admit it, I knew he was right.  I was so busy overthinking that I missed something very important.  Do you know what it was?  God had indeed placed this man in my life.  You know what's even crazier?  "My" scenario for how God would put this man in my life was right!  You see, I did,  in a proverbial sense, turn around and see him -- really see him for who he is; a kind, compassionate person -- romantic, spiritual and extremely funny.  Oh, and he's a collections manager -- a little  je ne sais quoi -- thank you, God!  Yes, everything that I could possibly be looking for in a man and more.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is we do not think the way God thinks.  Our imagination is very limited, while His is unlimited.    Don't have expectations for anything -- because we don't know God's plans for us -- which are often times so much more wonderful than we can dare dream.  We can guard  our heart--but don't close it off, for in doing so, we can extinguish the flame.  Most of all, we have to trust God.  In other words, don't lean on our own understanding -- but rather, allow Him to make our paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-7)  And as for the man in my life?  All I know is that indeed, "God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28   That's His promise to me, and for now --  all I need to know. 

The Power of One

Last year during transfer season, I decided to peek at what jobs were available within my school district.  I was not unhappy at my school -- just curious as to what was available since there had been a hiring freeze for a few years.  Much to my surprise, there was a position that was available at the high school where I work for an autism teacher.  Everyone who ever taught students with autism in high school loved, loved, loved their job.  So, on a whim, I applied.

I received an e-mail asking me to call the office.  Now the quandary began.  Do I call them?  Did I really want more change?  I had just gotten divorced and moved to a place that was walking distance to my current job location -- in fact, one of the reasons I chose that particular place to live.  So, was I really going to shake up my life some more?  I decided I didn't want to; however, not wanting to appear wishy-washy, I waited a week or so to call them back.  Long enough for the position to be filled.  Satisfied that it was, I called them.  The position's filled?  Surprise!  But, would I be interested in an SLD position which had opened up?  One thing about special education is we have our share of acronyms and SLD is specific learning disabilities.  Well frankly, that was a job I was interested in.  However, in the back of my mind, I was still not sure I was willing to shake up my apple cart anymore.  I told them I would let them know.  But then came the push..."Why not come in just for an interview?  We have some times early in the morning..."

You know -- here's the thing...God has a crazy way of calling us.  And I knew, this was His M.O. -- First of all, it was a job that I had dreamed of; it was also within a 10 minute drive from my house.  AND, they were pushing for the interview.  Okay, I decided it wouldn't hurt to interview.  I had a 6:30 A.M. interview.  A challenge at best since I'm not a morning person.  However, I answered all the questions that were thrown at me.  Halfway through the list of questions (which I could see), they let me know they were finished.  I honestly didn't know how I did.  I either aced it or blew it.  But either way, I just went to work and didn't think anymore about it...until 8 AM, when the e-mail was waiting -- it said, "Call us."  Really, God?  More change?  Could I handle something new?  I knew that I had the job.  I was really on the fence.  At lunch, I talked with some friends, who encouraged me to go with the change.  My facilitator was there and said, "Call them!!"   I told her I was waiting until 2 o'clock.  I don't know what was so magical about that time but I had it in my head to call then.  But, upon her encouragement, broke down and called them.  Yes, I had the job.  Did I want it?

Now here's the thing about God.  You can be screaming, "No" in your head but your mouth says, "Yes!"  And that is exactly what happened.  The word, "Yes." slid out ever so easily.  So, with that, I now had a new place to call my "home away from home."  I knew God had something in mind.  I just didn't know what.  And so, I moved to my new workplace -- leaving my friends and going where no one knew me, doing a job that was not quite the one they had described -- not that I minded, but it was a huge learning curve; a bit of a baptism by fire.  I did my job and never gave any thought as to why I was called there, other than the fact that I could connect with these teenagers.  Yes, a 50-something woman that for whatever reason, these kids seems to take a shine to.  But today was the day.  Today, I found out the reason why God had me move.

Remember the kiddo that is doing makeup work for me?  I wrote about him in a different blog.  Today, I went to see the dean to see what credits could be salvaged.  After all, I don't want to make him do work if he is not going to pass the class due to absences anyhow.  She looked at his record.  The past few weeks, he has been attending class.  She herself admitting, he is turning over a new leaf.  She pulled his transcript for me to see.  Zero credits in two years.  He has not passed a single class.  Looking at that paper, I discovered the truth.  I knew the reason I was there.  Before I could stop myself, I heard words coming from my mouth.   "You know, next year I'm teaching self-contained.  If you want, he can work in my room all day."  Wow, God -- again, I merely heard those words leaving my mouth.  I didn't think about the implications.  The fact that he can, all by his lonesome, drive someone to drink.  And  yet, there it was.  An offer -- from one.  One who God is using in this boy's life.

And so, God made me realize today that we each have that power.  It only takes one to change the world just a little bit.  God is using me as His instrument to work in the lives of children who may otherwise have no one in their corner.  But you see, they do in fact have the power of one;  one who teaches, one who laughs, one who talks, one who listens, but most of all, one who sees their hearts.  One who hopefully will be able to help them understand the value of an education and that they do indeed matter in the world and can make a difference.  And so today, He has shown me that He is the powerful One -- because he has instilled in us, the power of one.