Vignettes

In school, my students are learning about vignettes.  According to www.dictionary.com, a vignette is "a small, graceful literary sketch".  In French, it means "little vine".  It is a moment in time whose very description encompasses all of the senses.  

Having said that, I find myself thinking about my faith and what it means to me.  When did I first come to Christ?  What do I do when I pray?  How do I feel in worship?  What does God feel like to me?   I've never written a vignette before but here goes...

I feel peace.  Lifting the oil to my face, I smell the frankincense and myrrh -- is this what the stable smelled like that Jesus was born in?  My mind goes blank.  Who is it I'm thinking of?  Who needs prayer?  The candle glows as I say a short litany..."come Holy Spirit"... I breathe in the scents again as they take me to a time, long ago.  This is what peace feels like.

I look at the stained glass cross.  I lift the Bible to the passage and smell the smell of an old book -- indescribable but yet, it is soothing.  As people gradually fill the sanctuary, I can hear the murmur of "hello's"...it is comforting.  My mind goes back to the passage.  What is it God is trying to tell me?  I close my eyes and pray.  The charge of music is electrifying, signaling the start of worship.  Yes, this too is peace.

I sit in a giant church.  The pew is hard.  I see the pulpit -- a cross -- images of Jesus.  My friend is in the confessional and I looked around at the strange sights.  I didn't understand this feeling I felt, yet I knew what it was.  It was peace.  It was God.  I knew then that I had to follow Him and give my life wholly.

As I sit on the patio and have my coffee, I feel the coolness of the spring morning.  I hear the birds singing.  It is reminiscent of my life in the Midwest -- the cold, gray winter giving into the warmth of spring.  Yellow crocuses peeking through the ground.  The breeze blows softly on my face.  I lift my face to the heavens and close my eyes.  I feel at peace, knowing He is everywhere.

These are the things I feel when I pray and when I worship.  It is how I found God and continue to find God in all the things around me.  How do you know God is with you?  How are your senses filled with Him? 

Give this song a listen and really think about the lyrics...God is in places you can't even fathom-- He is more than we can imagine!

"More than You Think I Am" by Danny Gokey
https://youtu.be/Su5DG8pQMB8

Questions...

Someone asked me the other day, "How can you put your life on the Internet?" For those who wonder why I put my life on paper and put it "out there", let me put your mind at ease.  It's not an attention-seeking device or a question of "getting even" with my ex-husband.  In my mind, it has served a much greater purpose.  I believe that my experiences may possibly, have helped those who question their lives and the circumstances in which they may find themselves.

You see, I have lived a crazy sort of life.  It has not been an easy, particularly carefree or fun.  However, it is a life that has been greatly blessed by the incredibly rich experiences I have had.  I share them because I want others to see, there are blessings even when bad things happen.  God DOES use EVERYTHING!  Even when we don't see it, it is being used by Him to bless us in some way.  Despite my circumstances -- whatever they are-- I have always believed in God's sovereignty and I have always, always been grateful for His provision.  He is the one who I answer to -- and it is my sole desire to please Him -- that drives my writing.

It has now been two years post-divorce.  I am in a new relationship and learning more and more about being with someone.  Is he "Mr. Right?"  Time will tell.  I do know this -- he makes me laugh, is incredibly fun to hang out with and makes me feel like a princess.   The bottom line is, it has taken  incredible faith in God, two years of intense therapy, and the help of some amazing spiritual and life mentors who are, as far as I can tell, angels sent by God.   It's time to pay it forward.

And so, it is at this point that I have made a decision to change the scope of my writing just a bit.  It is less about "Lisa" and more about Him.  I am always on a journey toward self-discovery but it is time now to move away from the past and look to the future.  So far, 2015 has been amazing, and I believe it will continue to be one heck of a year!

I continue my journey but I want you to join me on this journey.  I invite you to take those first, tentative steps and do whatever it is you have been dreaming of.  This is your life -- we only go around once.  I encourage you to make the most of it!  Read the Bible, pray and allow God to guide your footsteps as you work with me on sound concepts and ways to become the best you can be!  Hopefully, we will work to make this journey a powerful one and leave this planet a better place!

God bless you as we go on this journey together -- with Him.

Lisa

Because He Lives by Matt Maher
https://youtu.be/PBvU7arNhQs

Happy Anniversary -- Year Two!

 

 

Today marks the two year anniversary of my divorce.  It was, the emancipation of Lisa.  In the past two years, I have grown in so many ways, I'm not sure it's possible to write everything down.  However, I want to at least make the attempt.  It is my way of saying, "Thank you, God!"

I must confess, the first year was hard -- extremely hard.  Financially, it was nearly impossible to make ends meet.  In fact, I didn't.  I sold every piece of jewelry I owned, save a couple of pieces.  It was the only way I could pay my bills.  I lost 40 pounds because I found it impossible to eat.  The year I divorced, I earned 17 hours of graduate credit while working two jobs.  I knew I had to in order to survive financially the following year.   Although I looked better than I had in years, I felt terrible.  I was sad; deeply and profoundly. 

When you divorce, regardless of the circumstances, you face the loss of a dream.  My divorce came at a time when I should have been close to retirement, enjoying travel with my husband and living life to the fullest.  Instead, I found myself living alone and just trying to survive.  It was a tough road to hoe.   It was humbling.  I went from a 2800 square foot house three years prior to a 1300 square foot condo.  My house was foreclosed upon.  Most of my possessions were given to Goodwill and other charities as I did not have enough time to plan for a move; the divorce was March 21 and I moved May 1.  I had no savings.  Much of my inheritance, over $200,000 had been invested in a business that my ex now owned solely.  I walked away.  I wasn't sure where our money went when we were married but I know it was not coming to the house.  His business made over $260,000 a year and I made another $40,000.  Yet, I was given a little over $50.00 per week for groceries.  Our cable bill was shut off, as was our alarm system.  Our bills had been shuffled for months; pay the electricity, not the water.  He had all the bills sent to the office, and swept our joint account.  I was told the business was "hemorrhaging" from a loss of clients.  I had no reason to think otherwise; we were in the middle of the bursting of the bubble in Las Vegas. 

 After my ex moved out,  I found four months worth of bills in a file folder -- unpaid. I also discovered a multitude of indiscretions confirming what I already knew.  It was the lies and betrayal that hurt most of all.  Up until that time, I had become complacent in our marriage.  We'd had our share of problems and I shut down.  I went through the day to day.  I had no friends in Vegas.  My social personality was no longer.  He and I danced an elaborate "dance" when we went out.  No one suspected the depth of the unhappiness within our home.  He and I had great "game faces".  However, when he let it slip to me the business "only" made $260,000 in 2012, I knew there was a huge problem.  Not having sex for the last ten years was the least of my troubles.  No, it was deeper than that.  And I realized, I was being held captive by a man who did not care for me any longer, and frankly, I doubt he ever did. 

The year of the divorce, I was happy to have a job, and I worked paycheck to paycheck.  I was okay with it for the most part.  I was grateful to have a job, a roof over my head, family and yes, friends.  Most of all, I clung to my faith because I knew God would be there to see me through.  I found myself happy but a bit lonely.

Of course, God never puts us through difficult times unless He has a plan for us.  And what a beautiful plan He had indeed.  Just like a butterfly in a dark cocoon, I had to fight my way out so that I could spread my wings and fly.  His plan for me was greater than I could even imagine. Just like a butterfly, no one could help me out of the cocoon.  I had to do it myself, for to help me would mean certain death; I would not be strong enough to survive the world. 

He led me to a church family that surrounded me with love.  They prayed for me and blessed me in more ways than I could imagine.  When I was supposed to go on a four day retreat and didn't even feel like I could do it, He found people to build me up.  To encourage me -- to tell me, "Go!"  I went.  It was there I felt real agape love.  It was a love I had never experienced before in my life.  It was one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given.  It was four days of peace and an exponential growth in my faith.

He told me to write.  I did.  I wrote down everything about my life.  It was soothing and cathartic.  It was a passion I never knew I had.  Through my writing I not only found healing for myself but also learned that it helped others to heal.  There was a gift in this; a ministry of sorts.

I discovered my own weaknesses; I had little, if no, self-confidence or self-esteem.  I didn't know what defined love or marriage.  Despite my level of education I still hit rock bottom; physically, mentally and financially.  I think with divorce, it is inevitable.  You see, in divorce, regardless of the circumstances, there are no "winners".  Whether you come out financially ahead or not, it doesn't matter.  You have severed a relationship, that for whatever reason, you gave credence to; and there is a certain finality to it.

However, it is in our weakness that God gives us strength.  And He gave me His best!  Over the past two years, I sought counseling and learned what constitutes a relationship.  I found out that I was stronger and had more courage than I ever believed possible.  My credit is slowly being rebuilt.  I am ready for a relationship.  God gave me the strength and put opportunities my way that allowed me to work two jobs so that I would have enough money to cover my expenses.  Is it hard?  Yes!  There are some days I am so tired, I just want to cry.  And sometimes, I do.  But, I don't have the luxury of giving up.  I am making up for lost time; time lost on living, loving and building a secure financial future. 

Starting over is not easy.  However, I have never looked back and said, "I wish I didn't..."  My life is infinitely better as a single than it ever was when I was married.  I smile more, laugh more and enjoy life.  God has been good!  He has laid people in my path who have mentored me along the way.  I have been blessed in more ways than I could imagine.

And so, although I never encourage divorce, I know it was the right decision for me.  I left my dark cocoon for the light of God.  He helped me break free from the bonds of a marriage that had a stranglehold on me; a marriage filled with lies, betrayal and emotional abuse.  He gave me the strength to not only test my wings but fly!

Divorce is not for the faint of heart.  It is not an easy journey but rather one of many twists and turns.  This has not been a flight of fancy but rather, a rising and falling.  Sometimes with headwinds that send me backwards, and sometimes, a strong tailwind that propels me forwards. 

However, as I continue through life, I find that this is a journey.  No one can live my life for me.  We should live life as a reflection of our Maker.  God is the ultimate planner of our life; He is in control.  And so, as I fly with full faith on the trajectory He has laid out for me, I allow Him to turn me into the creation He wants me to become.  I am His; and He, mine.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17

As I move into this third year, the Lord continues to amaze me.  Yes, my life is crazy, amazing.  I never know what God has for me but I know it is because of His love that I am here today and able to share just a bit of my story.  Watch for my upcoming book, "Not my Own" as you learn where life has taken me and the grace with which God has blessed me. 


"Amazed" by Lincoln Brewster
https://youtu.be/jfnwdyrU5W8

My Oola Life: Finance

This past week was a giant leap in my area of Oola Finance.  I took my dreams a step further.  I did it without much thought other than the fact that I wanted to reach my financial goals.  And yes, I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I thought I would be at this point in time.

For starters, someone from American Fidelity came to our school to discuss finances.  I have always done what I felt was right, which was to have both long and short-term disability.  I usually meet with this person to just check if there are any changes to my policies such as an increase in price or coverage.  Everything was the same.  However, this year I took it a step further.

I noticed she had brochures on life insurance, and I only have what the school district provides;  $50,000.  I got to thinking -- it would be nice to leave a little more for my children.  And so, I took out another $100,000 policy.  I felt satisfied at the time. However, after getting home I started thinking.  Although it is nice to leave my kids money, it would be nice to have a savings account.  A light bulb went off in my head.  And so, I rethought my purchase and made a change; a paradigm shift, really.  You see, my thinking has always been about my kids.  However, it is time I think about myself; my dreams and what my retirement looks like.  And so, the next day I went back to the American Fidelity rep and made some changes.

Sorry kids, but I returned some of that life insurance.  I need to get my retirement on firm footing.  So, I kept $50,000 in life insurance and decided to fund a 403b, which is an IRA for teachers.  It is funded with pre-tax dollars.  And so, I am putting $150.00 per month away into that.  It will feel more like $120.00 per month I am putting away since it is pre-tax.  Here's the reality; if I rely on myself to put away money into savings, it probably won't happen.  However, if I don't even see the money before it's invested, then although I will feel a pinch, I will always make it work in my budget.  By doing this, I need to stop my Starbucks "fix" on Tuesdays and Thursdays on the way to tutoring.  I'm okay with that.  Thursday, I stopped home, fixed a pot of coffee and took a cup with me to tutoring.  It really is just that simple.  Now, that little change alone in my budget won't fund the account and my life insurance but it's a start.  I will be revising my budget because the reality is, I have $150.00 in my right hand (403b) but I am down the $150.00 in my left hand (my budget).  And so, I will have to figure out where the money will come from;  making these changes doesn't just happen.   It takes some serious planning and effort.

The next thing that happened later in the week was rather serendipitous.  I had an old credit card debt from when I was married.  I had hoped it would somehow "go away" but the truth is, it's time to put that card to rest.  It was not a big balance but I could never really afford to pay it off.  Not sure I can now but am going to make it happen.  Since I didn't have a car payment this month, I put $300 towards it.  I then set up a payment plan for the next 2 months to pay off the balance.  That will be one less debt hanging over my head.  Again, things will be incredibly tight for the next two months but by May, that pinch will be over.  And my credit will be one step closer to being fully restored. My other credit cards will be paid off by the end of summer, after I work summer school.  All of that, brings me closer to me being debt-free and a more secure retirement.

The actuality is, reading my Oola plan over and over again has the ideas solidified in my head.   As opportunity arises, I find myself seizing the moment.  I don't know that I could plan this much better than it has worked out.  Yes, it has taken more time than I anticipated when I wrote my Oola life plan in November.  However, the extra time has given me the opportunity to figure out how best to implement it.  As it turns out,  it was perfect timing for the American Fidelity representative to pay a visit.  I have very little spare time, and her coming to school helped make my financial goals happen.  As for the credit cards, I knew those would be paid off by the end of summer.  I didn't realize that the one I had thought about so often would enter into the fray but I am thankful that will soon be a dim memory of the remnants of my past.

I write this blog not to boast but to let others know, that planning for the future takes not only writing down your plan but implementing it.  You have to get serious.  I never thought I would be the age of retirement and yet, it is looming around the corner and I am far behind where I should be.  However, if you are willing to give up those extras such as a 2 times a week Starbucks habit, then it will happen. 

 I am a late-bloomer when it comes to financial-savvy.  However, as time goes on, I am willing to make my dreams happen so that when it comes time to retire, my future will be on solid ground.  I hope this will encourage others that no matter what your age, you CAN make it happen!  Financial peace is possible.  And if you wonder how to get the ball rolling, I suggest visiting Dave Ramsey's webpage at http://www.daveramsey.com/home/  Invest in his Financial Peace University.  For me, it was integral to my learning about making a budget, becoming debt-free and planning for my future.

This song is dedicated to the OolaGuys who have shown me that not only can I change my world, but I can help change the world around me.  Thank you, Dr. Troy Amdahl and Dr. Dave Braun!

"If I Could Change the World" by Eric Clapton

https://youtu.be/2TL90rxt9bo

Love at First Sight?

How many of you believe in love at first sight?  Soul mates?  Love the second, third or even fourth time around?  Yeah, me either.  Until the other day when some crazy, amazing thing happened; God-ordained, I believe.  I met the most incredible man.  Yes, I can scarcely believe it myself!

So this concept is totally foreign to me; someone who not only cares for me but is a giver in every sense of the word!  He is not only sweet, kind and gentle but he loves my MIND!! To me, that is the greatest compliment of all.  That not only is there a physical attraction but a mental one --and to me, that is far more sensual than anything I could have imagined!

We have met at an incredible time in my life.  Yes, it is a good time because I am finally comfortable in my own skin.  I am confident.  Most importantly, I understand and know that in order to love others you have to love yourself.  What is it the Bible says?  In Luke 27, Jesus answers a question about love with a parable about the good Samaritan.  Starting with verse 25, it says this:

"On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
²⁶ “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
²⁷ He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'  You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

These verses demonstrate that you have to love yourself before you can love others.  Major, in my book and clearly in God's.  But then Jesus continues to speak of love.


²⁹ But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
³⁰ In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. ³¹ A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. ³² So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. ³³ But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. ³⁴ He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. ³⁵ The next day he took out two denarii^[e] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
³⁶ “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
³⁷ The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

Now, as Christians, we need to show God's love.  Whether it is a romantic relationship or an acquaintance, we need to allow God's love to work in us and through us.  Faith is also an important part of our sharing God's love.  In Ephesians 3:14-19, Paul addresses this...

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

When reading this passage, this is what speaks to my heart...Christ gives us so much love that we, His vessels, cannot contain it all.  We are not only filled to capacity with His love but to overflowing.  And so, we need to take that abundance of love we've been given and share it.  Whether it be with the silver-haired gentleman with killer blue eyes or a homeless person.  We need to share God's love with others.

So, do I believe in love at first sight?  Do you?  And in the scheme of things, does it matter?  I think the bigger take-away is that we need to share the love of Christ with others.  Let them see how far, how wide and how deep His love is by giving it away without any expectations .  Be an example of what it means to love others as ourselves. 

I hope you will allow this song to touch your heart as you listen to how we can be a living example of His word.  I think it pretty much speaks to the topic at hand.

"Let Them See You" by JJ Weeks Band
http://youtu.be/uOg-1JjAdGk