Hold Everything!

Last week-end I worked like a fiend...cleaning out the garage, tossing endless items ruthlessly, befriending other building occupants -- a family of crickets that I swear stalked me all week-end and seemed to jump for joy every time they saw me -- and selling/giving away furniture.  And then, Sunday night, it hit...chills, fever, headache, body aches....I don't know what it was but it seemed to be a message from God.  STOP.  SLOW DOWN.  BE STILL.

I must confess, He got my attention!  I have not been that sick in several years -- certainly not running a fever sick.  I stopped.  I slept.  I stayed in bed a requisite minimum of days as I had work to get back to...I went back on Wednesday, still feeling crappy but I had IEP"s to write, students to teach, and work that had laid untouched for two days.

Thursday came...a long day as we have an hour and a half of meetings after work (a trade off for a week off at Thanksgiving).  Although I frequently find myself questioning that trade-off, the week of Thanksgiving is a blessed time and will be more so this year as we will be moving.  I stayed until about 5 PM trying to catch up the two days I missed in paperwork.

Friday -- oh sweet Jesus!  How happy I was to see Friday!  I was completely exhausted, even though I had only worked three days.  I don't think I have been that tired the entire school year, struggling to keep my eyes open.  My last period of the day was prep.  I had planned to assess a student for his IEP but he had other plans.  Refusal.  Hmmmm, could I force  a student to take an assessment?  Probably not.  We called home and although mom was encouraging, he still refused.  I convinced him to do the reading portion and I would get the other information some other way.  Afterwards, we talked.  Just talked about his IEP -- what it is, why he has it, what he wants to do when he finishes high school.  He talked about maybe he  needs to get rid of his lazy attitude.  I told him it won't serve him well in the "real" world.   It actually was a nice way to end the afternoon.  I got to know him a little better and he, I.  

You know, some weeks, things just don't go as you plan.  I had to cancel an IEP meeting, didn't get to assess a student and found myself in bed for three days and wishing I could go back to bed another three days.  Today is Saturday and I am relaxing, save for cleaning out the guest bathroom and ridding it of things we will not be taking with us.  It's a small step but will get us one step closer to moving.  I will have felt somewhat productive.  After a week of sickness and exhaustion, it is nice to just sit, have a cup of coffee and reflect.  Sometimes God just likes to remind us -- He's there and He's in control.  "Be still and know that I AM God." Psalm 46:10

The Purge -- Part 3

It is one month before my husband and I move into a 2 bedroom apartment and although exciting for us (ie:  no more homeowner worries), it is a major project to downsize.  You see, he came from a large house in California and never quite went through everything in his garage.  As for me, I arrived and have added my own junk -- making this the third time I have had a major purge in the 9 years since I left St. Louis.  You'd think I'd be an old pro at this, but apparently not.  You see, sentimentality factors in, taking one from homeowner to hoarder.

Here's the problem.  In looking at the new apartment, there is one teeny, tiny closet for storage...period.  I have checked storage units and frankly, IMHO not worth the $85/month they want to preserve our beloved items.  I doubt I will ever move back to a house unless of course, I win the lottery.  And so, the Purge --Part 3 begins.

I will say this;  I have become absolutely ruthless.  Elementary teaching stuff?  Gone.  You can get most  things online anyhow.   My beloved Christmas tree?  Sold (only because I know it won't fit).  Leather couches, washer and dryer and fridge -- also for sale.  Exercise bike?  No need for one...gym onsite.  And so, as I go out to the garage -- aside from a family of crickets that is stalking me -- it is like Christmas everyday.  I have no idea what are in the boxes as my husband packed up everything from my condo when I moved (God bless him).  As for his stuff, he too has quite the "stash" as well.  I am going through everything with the eye of "when I die, what will our kids do with this?"  Most likely, trash it anyhow.

I have found that if you list something for free on Facebook, you will get at least 65 messages, of which half will say -- what condition is it in?  Lady -- it's 50 year old furniture...what do you think?  Or, do you deliver?  Ummmm....that would be a no.  Or my favorite...does it work?  It's been in the garage for a year -- how the hell would I know?  I'm asking $40 for a 10 foot pre-lit Christmas tree that we used the year before.  However, it's been stored for a year.  At that price, you take your chances.

And so, today I go back out to the garage to clean some more.  I am tired and know already that these next four weeks will be a challenge.  I had a trip planned to see my grandkids but now that is on hold as I realize there is still much to do ...such as pack up what we ARE taking and possibly hold a garage sale for the smaller treasure we no longer want.

In the meantime, my nails look like crap, I haven't showered in 2 days and I want to sleep.  I did manage to get a haircut in there but that's out of pure necessity.  I am putting in the hours and know that when we get to our new place, it will take far less time to unpack than it did to get ready to move.  In some small way, there is something freeing about going through all your crap.  Yes, it is a lifetime of "things" but I've found that's not what's important....it's about the memories and enjoying the here and now.

And so, the Purge continues this week-end and next.  I hope to have it all done by then.  There are perhaps 40 boxes left in the garage.  The following week-end, we should be ready to pack up most everything else.  It is a holiday week-end and will give us an extra day to get it done.  Then,  moving 2 weeks later.  Yes, I do have a timeline.  Albeit, a loose one -- but then again, you do what you gotta do!  Purge, baby, purge!

#PrayforLasVegas

Genesis 50:20  "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."


I woke up Monday morning to a plethora of Instagram and Facebook posts that said "Pray for Las Vegas."  I immediately turned on the news to find out the devastation that had occurred on the Strip.  And then, I was expected to go to work and carry on with strength.  Several people I know had friends and family who had died or were taken to area hospitals for treatment.  There are no words to express what I am feeling for Sunday's shooting in Las Vegas.   Shock.  Disbelief.  Sadness.

What do you say to students who spend their first 80 minutes of the day in utter silence as you yourself try to comprehend the events of the night before?  During our last period, one of our students asked about the events.  And so, the dialogue began.  I listened as my co-teacher rattled off what the news reports had said.  All I could think about was, there is always light in the darkness.  And so, as the conversation began waning 45 minutes later, I said it.  I made the faith move.  I said, "In the darkness, there is always light.  Look for that...look at the first-responders who helped get those people out of the area...the EMT's, the doctors and nurses, police officers, people who helped others get out..." I could barely get the words out.  One of our students began crying.  Her aunt had died in the attack.  What I wanted to say is, "God is there...God is in the midst.  Know that He is with those who need comfort." And yet, we are in a school setting.  We can't say what we'd like.  Separation of church and state, don'tcha know?  And so, we dance around the whole idea that there is a God and He is in control.

The next day, after watching a few news channels, I was even more devastated.  I didn't know anyone personally who was injured but knew people who had lost family members or have them in the hospital recovering.  Grief and sadness set in.  The kids seemed to be recovering but I was just coming out of the shock of that first day.  I continued to teach, although the day seemed even longer.  Talk was no longer about the events of Sunday evening.  Somehow, the tone had shifted -- just like the literature we study.

It is now nearly a week later.  We are learning more about the events of that day;  the pictures of the victims are being released, news about the shooter and his girlfriend; all juxtaposed with the news stories of the day.  It is beginning to take a back seat to bigger news.

And then, prayer vigils by local churches.  Yesterday, I got a flyer in my school mailbox.  Donations are being sought by our student council and other school groups for the victims of the hurricanes as well as Vegas.  Water, batteries, diapers, antibiotic ointment...a list that is somewhat conservative but filled with life-giving resources.  My heart is filled.  Where is God in the midst of this and other tragedies?  He is in the hearts of mankind.  You see, there IS light in the darkness.  Anyone can be that light -- they just need to think...what can I do?  Then, what can WE do?  How can WE help?  Whether it's donating items or donating blood .... it is about spreading God's love.  Showing we care.  Kindness.  Hope.  Encouragement.  Love.  We are the body of Christ...the hands, the feet, the eyes, the ears, the mouth....As followers, we are called to serve.

And so, today I am able to write.  To verbalize what I have been feeling.  Tragic, yes.  But if we work as a community, we will see the light in the darkness.  God is in the midst.  He always is.

Mandisa "Stronger"
https://youtu.be/emgv-VRtMEU


Danny Gokey "Hope in Front of Me"
https://youtu.be/O5GFiDdGGGM