Happy New Year

As I reflect on 2013, I see my life has transpired in a way that I could not have foreseen.  Yet, God was there.  He gave me many gifts; faith, family and the love of friends.  Thank you for embracing me, reaching out and sharing God's love with me.  I wish you all a blessed 2014.  May this season in life be your best ever! 

Peace and grace in Him,

Lisa

The Book

This winter break has been an odyssey for me.  I didn't travel anywhere physical but I am on a journey.  You see, I am walking through the Rolodex of my mind to write my book.  It is a personal story about faith.  How does one go through so many things in life only to come out on the "other" side and not just find God but to realize He was there the entire time?  He was in the midst and using all this adversity in order to bring glory to Him!

For those who doubt this truth, let's look at the crucifixion itself.  Truly, not a way anyone would choose to die.  And yet, despite this greatest adversity, God was there.  He was in the midst.  If not, why would Jesus be talking with Him?  About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).  Matthew 27:46  (NIV)  Yes, at times Christ felt his Father had abandoned Him but His last words indicate that God, His Father had not. Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.  John 19:30 (NIV)   Yes, God's great plan was carried out.   Not in a manner one would expect but as God knew it would.  As even Jesus knew it would.  For His Godly self knew what He was about to undertake whereas his human side was having some very real reservations.  Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”  Matthew 26:39 (NIV)  He understood and was willing to do what many of us aren't; submit to God's perfect will.

So too, God has a plan and purpose for our lives.  I frequently quote Jeremiah 29:11.  It is one of my "go to" verses because it's Truth rings loudly in my head.  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV)

I don't think the story I tell in my book is particularly unique.  People throughout the ages have gone through adversity.  However, how did I go from having a mediocre existence to one that embraces life fully and lives with joy?  How did I become a person who gives God all the glory and praises Him daily?  Now THAT is a story!

It's not about me -- it's about Him.  How He changed me from the inside out.  I am forever a work in progress.  I am healing still, and yet, I see where I have come in just a short year.  Stronger, happier than I've ever been, grateful and ever-seeking His will for my life. He is my inspiration and passion.  It is on His pages that I write this book and pray that it will be forever etched in the hearts of the people who read it; people who God has chosen Himself.

And so, as I reach back into the recesses of my mind and shine the light of Christ in the dark corners, I am not just dusting off these skeletons and placing them back on their shelves;  no, I am throwing them away!  For these skeletons in my closet have forever haunted me.  It is the last time I am going to make this journey, save if God asks me to use my life story to further His kingdom. 

Writing is difficult.  It is painful.  It is exhausting.  It is also cathartic.  It is what I need to move forward.  This journey began with e-mails to friends, turned into a blog, and now, a book.  It is a plan that has been in the works since before I was born.  God's providential hand has proven its existence to me once again.  For me, writing is healing.  It takes me back to a place I don't wish to go but I use that as my springboard to move forward.   I am on a trajectory I could've never imagined or planned for - He is in the midst.  I am living out my plan and purpose for my life -- God's will.   For that, I am ever grateful.

My Oola Journey: Field

“Fair does not mean equal.”

This is the unwritten motto of special education.  It is a concept that was introduced to me in my very first teaching class, and repeated regularly as I worked toward my Master's degree.  It’s hard to wrap your brain around and yet, as a teacher in special education it is something you must learn.  It is the heart and soul of our profession and what drives us to do what we do.  It is also what can sometimes make the job challenging as we work in the general education classroom. 

In the past, I have been told by colleagues, one day you'll be up there with the ”big JC!” Or that I’m God’s special angel because I teach children with special needs.  I don’t see it as such.  I believe I have certain gifts I bring to the table but I am no more special than a teacher that walks into any classroom on any given day.  We teach for a variety of reasons.  My reason is simple – I love kids.  Thankfully, God has blessed me with patience and perseverance.  My classroom mission statement is "for children to be successful both in the classroom and out; whatever that success means to him/her."

In Oola, field is one of the areas that we need to bring into balance with the rest of our lives.  For if we spend 100 hours per week at work, then we are definitely ignoring the other 6 areas of our life; faith, family, fitness, fun, finance and friends.  With teaching, it is easy to get wrapped up and easily spend 60 hours per week planning, grading and doing all the other things teachers do in order to make their classroom run as smoothly as possible.  I do spend many hours at the beginning of the year setting up my classroom, my caseload, and lesson plans.  I’m sure I do hit that 60 hour or more mark; easily for the first month.  It is exhausting but necessary.  However, I do not continue being ramped up to that degree for the remainder of the year.  To do so would easily cause burnout.  I don’t wish to do that to myself.    I have spent time making good templates, which helps speed up the process of lesson planning and other tedious jobs that are related to teaching but not teaching itself.  And so, although my classroom may not be perfect, it functions like clockwork.  I’m a good teacher and have a passion for my students and the subjects that I teach which at the moment is Math Applications, World History and English in grades 10 and 12.   As I examine my Oola life, I find that I excel in Field.  It is definitely one of my stronger areas.  Not only do I teach all day, 4 afternoons a week I tutor children at the Boys and Girls Club and St. Jude’s Ranch. 

The second job is not solely driven by passion but also from necessity, as I would not be able to meet my bills without it.   I have to work on my area of finance if my Oola life is going to be successful.  Thankfully, it is a job I also love.  I have definitely been blessed by my career choice.  I didn’t start my teaching career until I was 48 years old.  I have my Master’s degree in Special Education with endorsements in Autism and English Language Learners (ELL).  It has not always been easy but as Ashton Kutcher says, “Opportunity looks an awful lot like hard work.”  Amen to that! 

As you strive for your Oola life, find out what it is you’d truly love to do.  As Dr. Dave Braun states in his and Dr. Troy Amdahl's book--"Oola: Find Balance in an Unbalanced World" -- Dream big.  Then throw that dream away and dream bigger. My “bigger” dream is to write a book and do speaking engagements related to my book.  I am at the start of living my Oola life.   I am actively pursuing it.   I am not sure I would have the courage to live my “bigger dream” if it were not for my working on my Oola life plan.  I cannot tell you what the experience will mean for you but I do know for me that this is an incredible journey.  Everyday is an adventure and I can’t wait to wake up and find out what is going to happen next!

At this time in my life, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, grateful for whatever past experiences have brought me to this point, blessed by the children who walk through my classroom door, and thankful that God continues to guide me.   I am the clay in the Potter’s hands.  Yes, I am at the start of my journey to an Oola life.  Doing what I love is Oola living at its finest.  I encourage you, "Go and live your Oola life!"

In Christ Alone

This is a song written by Natalie Grant that has been speaking to my heart lately.  It’s how I often “hear” God; through lyrics. 

*In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

I am writing my book.  It was a hard decision whether or not the time is now.  I know that God has put it on my heart that I am to teach, write and speak; my purpose in life.  It is sometimes hard to discern whether or not you are doing the right thing.  However, I feel I have been given the “go ahead.” 

I’m not sure who this book is for; whether it’s for me or a larger audience.  I do know that writing it has caused a great stir in my soul.  It is a reflective piece and truly difficult to write about one’s own past.  You see the mistakes you have made; almost like watching a bad car wreck in slow motion and you are helpless to reach out to the passenger within – yourself.  You can’t erase the moment – you can only move forward.  And that’s what I have done and am continuing to do.  Move forward, heal.  That’s why this song is so important.  It talks about who we are – who I am – in Him.

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

God has definitely brought me through all the pain in my life.  As I write, I can see that he was there, for no mere mortal could withstand the “blows” I took.  He stood by me and “held” me in His arms.  He truly has been my Comforter.  

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save

 ‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live, I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again

Each holiday that passes post-divorce is new. Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas and soon the New Year.   I don’t quite know what the day will bring.  I trust in Him to make it okay, and it always is; in fact, it’s always perfect.  I look at those lyrics and know I’m not perfect.  If I were, I would have had the foresight and knowledge to walk away long ago.  I would have not locked away in my brain what my heart inherently knew was wrong.  These are things I need to work through.  Christ suffered for me.  It is the fulfillment of a promise by God.  It is His covenant with us.  It is what gives me peace.

And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

As I write, I find myself guilt-ridden.  I should have done more, yet I know I was incapable of doing so at the time.  Perhaps this song is God’s reminder, there is no need for guilt as there is no condemnation in Christ.  My path was in place, long before I was even born.  It is His divine will for my life.  And it’s all for His glory; the good AND the bad.  Be grateful.  I never understood why He calls us to be thankful in all circumstances before this last year.  I now understand.  I am.

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
‘Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand

I will stand, I will stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground, all other ground
Is sinking sand, is sinking sand
So I stand

In Genesis 50:20, it says “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (NIV)

I like to believe that I will somehow touch at least one person's life through my book.  I'd like to believe that's why I went through what I did; to help others.  Save lives.  I hope my story is powerful and compelling.  I know when I read through it, I cannot believe what I have gone through.  Yet, I know I am blessed more than others.  There are much worse stories.  Mine is a white-collar crime and I was able to survive through the grace of God.  Yes, others hurt me.  Maybe they didn’t intend to but the Enemy had that plan.  God saved me.  He was there, and always in the midst of every situation that was thrown my way.  He helped me dodge those curveballs; I came away relatively unscathed.

As for the “new” me?  He is the Cornerstone upon which I’ve built my new life.  It is a strong foundation; One that will withstand the storms in life.  I stand firm -- in Christ alone.

*lyrics provided by www.elyrics.com

In Christ Alone: 

http://youtu.be/Ipl-rLRxOrs

 

The "New" Normal

Well, it’s over; one of the biggest holidays of the year, and I seem to have come out on the other side.    I think the fear of having to change our routine is greater than actually doing it.  It is much like having faith in God and doing things He wants us to by trusting Him and stepping out in faith.  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

I’m not going to lie; Christmas was far different than the “usual” tradition.   One son travelled cross-country with his father to see his sisters, while the other son stayed with me.  Although my older son protests and says he didn’t stay here  so I wouldn’t be alone, I know better.  His is a heart that is greater than most and I know he is grateful that I continue to provide a home for him, even though he is old enough to live on his own.   He has had a harder life than the other children in terms of his relationship with his father.  I can’t say why that is; I only know that they have a broken relationship and one that he continues to heal from.   In the meantime, I have chosen to pick up the broken pieces and feed him both physically and spiritually.  He has made enormous strides in the last six months and I couldn’t be more proud.   I pray he sees the light of Christ in me, and that one day, he will be healed completely. “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18

Christmas Eve was incredibly low key.  Rather than the usual flurry of cooking and opening of presents, we experienced a difference kind of presence; the presence of God in our lives.  Early in the day, I spoke with relatives; my daughters and grandchildren (not sure where the son-in-laws were), my ex-husband and youngest son via FaceTime, my uncle and aunt in Illinois and my other uncle and aunt in Washington, DC and my sister and her family in Missouri.  For those calls we just talked, as FaceTime is just too new-fangled for them.   It was nice to catch up with everyone.  My son and I spent time together; writing in tangent and doing our grocery shopping.  Yes, the cupboards were quite bare; not because I didn’t have money but rather, we just weren’t sure WHAT we wanted to do about dinner.  We decided on an incredibly low key dinner of sandwiches; our “new” normal.   We went to the store, purchasing only what we needed for the next couple of days.  I also chose a brisket for Christmas day, since I could throw it in the crock pot and it’s not quite the same as an “ordinary” roast.   We planned to go to the 11 PM Christmas Eve service, so he decided to take a nap after dinner.  As the evening wore on, I began to grow tired.  I was watching television, which will put me to sleep every time.  At 8:30, I knew my choices for church were getting slim; 9 PM or 11 PM services.  I didn’t think I would last until 11 PM and so, I got dressed to go to the 9 PM service.  I called out to my son but his voice told me he’d been asleep.  I decided to go to church alone; another “new” normal.   

The church service was not as jam-packed as the 7 PM services were last year. I was thankful.  Due to my last-minute change of plans, I was worried I would have to stand for an hour.  I didn’t.  The service was beautiful.  I saw a lot of familiar faces; my pastors and friends from church but most importantly, the face of Christ.  “For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.” 2 Corinthians 4:6.

Some folks I hadn’t seen in a long time, since we attend different services on Sunday and so afterwards, I stayed to visit.  It was nearly time for the next service by the time I left the church.  I had gotten a second wind and considered staying for it but decided to go home in case my son was awake; he was.  He was also a little angry I hadn’t taken him to church with me.  I explained that he was asleep.  He is not a church-goer per se and again, I knew his motivation for going was so I wouldn’t be alone. Sweet but as I have found out so often in this last year, alone is not necessarily a bad thing.

When I got home, we decided to have a Christmas drink.  After all, the holiday was half over and I was surviving.  I felt a “proverbial” toast was in order.  I had bought some Kahlua earlier in the day and so we had a couple of drinks; Kahlua and half and half.  I’m not a drinker but these tasted good!  Wine or beer is my usual fare.  Tonight, I chose to try something completely different – again, a “new” normal.   I was certain these weren’t particularly low calorie but decided since it was Christmas and I only drink on rare occasions, that I would take the calorie hit.   My son and I had our drinks, ate popcorn and watched “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”; a far better movie than “A Christmas Story,” in my humble opinion.  I fell asleep on the couch, which is not unusual for me, especially when watching television past midnight.   I woke up around 2 AM and moved upstairs to my room.  My son had already turned off the TV and gone to bed long before me.  Christmas Eve was over – I had definitely survived and actually thrived. “New” normal 1 – tradition 0. 

Christmas day arrived without much fanfare.  I woke up early only to find my phone was dead, as was my charger.  Vowing to stay off the computer for the majority of the day, I did post a Facebook message wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and explaining why they wouldn’t get a Christmas morning phone call.  I usually call all my friends, near and far to wish them a Merry Christmas. God was determined to "rock my world." I put the brisket in the crockpot early in the day; again, a “new normal.   I knew I was going to a friend’s house in the afternoon and wanted dinner ready by the time I got back.  This too, was “new”.  I wasn’t sure if my oldest was going out of town until the last minute, so I made plans to meet up with a friend and her family.  I went to her house around two in the afternoon and had a warm bowl of the most fabulous split pea soup.  Afterwards, we played a game I’d never played before.  My son chose not to come with me.  He wanted to write; his new passion.  So, I spent a few hours with my friend’s family.  Again “new” but definitely, a fabulous “normal”.

I came home but was not hungry; neither was my son.    We spent more time together, talking and laughing until it was dinner time – for us, 9 PM.  We had plans to see a movie but decided to put that off until today.  Opening day crowds make me a little crazy.  We decided to go see “Walter Mitty” – a suggestion from a friend but also a movie we have both been wanting to see.  I think we are up for one more “adventure.”

Last night, I didn’t fall asleep in front of the TV.  I went to bed early; 10 PM.  I fully expected to sleep but couldn’t.  I listened to music and an audio of the Bible, read and still couldn’t sleep.  I was mulling over the last 48 hours.    You see, it was very much like in the Dr. Seuss book, “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”.  Christmas came without fanfare, it came without presents – this year, Christmas -- our Christmas --didn’t come from a store.  And yes, it meant a whole lot more.  This year, we spent the holidays enjoying the presence of the One who is greater than us.  “…the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4   We didn’t have presents other than the gifts He gives; family, friendship and love –things you can’t buy in a store; priceless gifts.

Yes, I not only survived the “new” normal, I relished it.  I don’t know that every Christmas will be like this as we continue to carve out new traditions but it worked for us this year.   And so, we are back to a “normal” day.  Waking up early, writing, going to see a movie with my son.   THIS is my “new” normal.  It is my “new” life and for me, each day is a gift, in and of itself; one that I treasure each and every day. 

“You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.” Acts 2:28

A Christmas Story

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.
Luke 2: 8-11

This is probably not “A Christmas Story” you were expecting.   After all, each year, WTBS plays the movie, “A Christmas Story” ad infinitum.  No, this is the “real” Christmas story.  This is the story of the birth of our Savior, Jesus the Christ.

First, who was this young girl, chosen by God to give birth to our Savior?  This passage shows us Mary’s heart --

“…My soul glorifies the Lord
⁴⁷     and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
⁴⁸ for he has been mindful
    of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
⁴⁹     for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
    holy is his name.
⁵⁰ His mercy extends to those who fear him,
    from generation to generation.
⁵¹ He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
    he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
⁵² He has brought down rulers from their thrones
    but has lifted up the humble.
⁵³ He has filled the hungry with good things
    but has sent the rich away empty.
⁵⁴ He has helped his servant Israel,
    remembering to be merciful
⁵⁵ to Abraham and his descendants forever,
    just as he promised our ancestors.” Luke 1:46-55

You can see why Mary was chosen.  She had a heart for God.  Yet, she was probably just little over a child herself.  So, let’s look at the birth of Jesus just a little closer to see how her “journey” with God continued.

We can only imagine how Mary must’ve felt that night.  She and Joseph had travelled a distance, only to find there was nowhere to have this child.  They ended up in a stable.  Imagine the smell and the filth.  Is that where you would want your child to be born?  And yet, that is EXACTLY where our Messiah was to be born! 

“…they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. ¹⁰ When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. ¹¹ On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.” Matthew 2:9-12

Three wise men showed up, each with a very special gift.   The brought gold, frankincense and myrrh – interesting choice of baby gifts, wouldn’t you say?   The gold was a gift for a king.  For Jesus was to become our King; not of this kingdom but His heavenly Father’s kingdom.  Frankincense is a type of incense used in religious ceremonies.   Bringing this indicated that this was a divine individual.  The last gift was myrrh.  This was usually used on a deceased person’s body.  Quite an unusual choice for a baby gift.  However, this had special meaning; it served to foreshadow the death of this child.

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
    and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

¹⁵ When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.” Luke 2:14-15

And so, the shepherds went to visit this holy child.  And afterwards, they did as they were told – spread the news of His birth.

And what about Mary?  What did she think of all of this?

^“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”  Matthew 2:19

As a mother, it must have been hard for Mary to fathom all this attention her Son was getting.  Imagine – giving birth in a stable, only to be followed by visits from the Magi and shepherds.  Who was this child she gave birth to?  I have attached a link to one of my very favorite Christmas songs, “Mary Did You Know?”   Enjoy as you celebrate Christmas!  And let’s not forget what this holiday truly represents to millions across the globe.

“The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”). Matthew 1:23

http://youtu.be/Faz9MTs8JOY

 

 

 

My Oola Journey: From Fat to Fabulous

Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.
Robert Collier

Well, it's been 8 days since I last posted on this journey and I am doing well...baby steps.  I am changing my eating habits -- staying away from junk food and white carbs such as sugar and bread/potatoes, drinking water instead of diet soda and overall feel great!  I have lost 5 pounds, although the only one who can tell is me.  I went back to the trainer today.  My second and last freebie. 

After my last training session, I felt sore but not miserable.  However, the day after, I had a back spasm like no other: the "I can't move!" muscle spasm.  Now here's where a trainer is a real gift.  I texted her explaining what was going on and she gave me a solution.   She gave me an exercise to use, which helped alleviate the pain.  In fact, I was fine toward the end of the day and the remainder of the week! 

Today when I met with her, I showed her where  I got the back pain and the exercise I think triggered it.  She is taking the approach that I need to work my entire body -- basically to strengthen my core.  I think this is probably a great approach because after four children, I am lacking muscle tone -- say, everywhere??  I do have a bad back, which means, my stomach muscles  need to be toned, among other things.  Weight loss, of course, will also help with that!  Today, she focused on everything between my feet and shoulders.  Apparently, my head is ok!   Go me!!

The first thing she did was start my warm-up.  I was holding my breath as we were walking the direction of the ellipticals.  Really?   The very bane of my existence?  But actually, I was quite surprised -- we stopped before getting that far...right in front of the rowing machines.  Now, I haven't used one of these -- ever!  However, she showed me how it worked and I thought, this doesn't look bad.  It wasn't -- I actually found it rather enjoyable.  Especially when she told me, the harder I work, the faster the count goes down.  Whoo-hoo!  Something I could excel at!  Yeah, you can bet I put the "pedal to that metal!" 

From there, we went to the Cybex machine.  She put me on a leg press.  Now, bear in mind, back in my college days, I could leg press 80 lbs.  I didn't realize how impressive that was until today, when she put 20 lbs. on the machine.  That was definitely heavier than I remember, but I was ok with it.  We went through a series of exercises; both free weight and machine.  At the end of the workout, she decided I needed to do some plank-type exercise.  Another trainer was walking past and said, "That exercise is hell!"  I looked at him and said, "You mean the last 45 I just did weren't?" I actually was able to do the plank although at the end, I must confess, it felt good to stretch out on the mat.  (As in, I am not moving, stretching out!) 

I find that I definitely struggle with keeping my balance on my left side; more so than my right side.  I'm certain this has to do with being considerably older and out of shape.  But, I am determined to get physically fit.  This is part of my Oola plan for 2014.  I have given myself one year.  I know that when I get there, not only will I look better but feel incredible.  My 50's are great but I want it all!  I am, praise God, reasonably healthy and aside from the occasional back pain, feel awesome!   I am looking forward to the day when I achieve my that goal!  I have no doubt or illusions that my wanting this so much is that I want to "Live the Oola life!" This is my second half, and I want it to be incredible and live it to the fullest!

For those of you that are struggling with extra weight and have been wanting to lose a few pounds or get into shape, I invite you to join me on this journey!  I'm baby-stepping it -- you can too!  All that matters is that we are working on our Oola life -- and I have no doubts that this is a journey worth taking!

 

 

Advent: A Season of Hope, Peace, Joy and Love – Showing God's Love

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  John 8:11-13

Today’s sermon sparked in me a memory – one I hadn’t thought about in years.  Our annual trek to see Santa and the department store windows.

I grew up in the day before there were malls.  For those that are too young to remember, yes there actually was a time like that!  And believe it or not, we could still shop and get everything we needed.  We just had to walk outside from store to store to store.  I grew up in a small suburb outside of St. Louis, Missouri which for a major city, is in fact, a place that offers a "small-town" way of life.   

Each year, my family and I had a major pilgrimage to see Santa at one of the larger department stores in St. Louis.  We would pile into the car for a family dinner in the downtown area, and then walk from store to store to look at the window displays.  When we were finished, we would go and see Santa at one of the department stores called Famous Barr; today it is called Macy’s. Bear in mind, it was a good 15 mile or so drive, and there were no highways at that time.  Each intersection we passed had a light or stop sign.  It easily took close to an hour to get there.  Driving across the Mississippi River signaled we were getting close.  We parked in the parking garage for Famous Barr, which I hated then and still hate, to this day.  I think it has something to do with my penchant for getting car sick and spinning in a circle to leave.  And that garage, had a tight loop to exit through!

After we parked, we would walk to our favorite cafeteria; Miss Hulling’s.  Now, Miss Hulling’s was no ordinary cafeteria.  We are not talking casino fare.  No, this was all homemade, and cooked to perfection.  You were guaranteed a great meal there!  After dinner, we would walk a few blocks to the department stores; a veritable delight.  Every window had Christmas scenes with moving mannequins of people and Santa Clause.  They were not just filled with these lifelike scenes; there were also trees and lights – LOTS of Christmas lights!    After we went past several storefronts, we would go inside and sit on Santa’s lap.  In those days, Santa actually gave each child a small present!  It was an incredible experience and a memory I treasure today!!

Fast forward 45 years.  We no longer have stores lining the downtown streets but in malls.  There is no light coming from the windows unless you are talking about the fluorescent lights that line the tiles overhead.  Yes, there are Christmas trees that go up just after Halloween – sacrilege in my opinion, but apparently, the retailers don’t see it that way. I just worry that one day, the Christmas lights will never come down.  Or is that really such a bad thing? 

At church, our pastor spoke about the light of Christ; how God sent His Son to be the Light of the world.  Hence the tradition of candles in the windows at Christmas-time; it signified that one was a Christian if a candle was glowing from within the home.

 Our churches have a tradition of lights from behind glass windows– but they are stained glass.  You see, back in the olden days, churches used stained glass windows to light the darkened areas.  They also used imagery from the Gospels; Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.  These images served to teach as well as provide light in the darkened corners of the church. 

Today, our churches are full of light.  Yet, they still carry on the tradition of stained glass windows.  There is none as beautiful as those.  If you drive on the road where my church sits at night, you can see light streaming through its stained glass windows.  It’s as if the light is inviting us to come inside; draw near.  I appreciate it all the more, as I used to take classes in stained glass.  It is a tedious process to complete even the smallest picture in glass.   Not only do your cuts to the glass have to be near perfect but you also have to be careful as to how you cut the lead or copper to fit.  At any time, your piece of work could shatter in your hands as you tap on the glass to separate the places where it's been scored; not only is it dangerous but it is very disheartening as well, since many hours of tedious labor go into making a stained glass picture.  The pieces have to fit reasonably close or you have to start over. 

We, in essence, are God’s very own stained glass.  There is a real irony here; we are stained much like the glass– yet, His light shines through us.  We too can be broken; yet it doesn’t stop Him from making a perfect work out of us.  And what about those imperfections in glass?  Those little bubbles or cracks that reside deeply within?  We too have many imperfections.  It is through those cracks and bubbles that light refracts; making an even more brilliant display of beauty and light.  You see, that is how the light of God shines in us and through us and it is the beauty of our Savior.  He can bring light to the darkest, most broken of places and create a masterpiece from the inside out.

As we continue through these last few days of Advent, let the love of God be apparent in our thoughts, words and deeds. “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14   

After all, that’s what the last Advent candle represents; love.  Who is your Love?  And where is your Love? In these next few days, and even beyond, challenge yourself to show the love of Christ to others.  Allow the Light of God to shine through you to illuminate those dark areas in another’s life.  Let God’s light pour through your brokenness and imperfections, allowing others to see God revealing the love you feel for Him in your heart.   It is what God has called us to be; “The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world.” John 1:9

My Oola Journey: Finance

In the book, “Oola:  Find Balance in an Unbalanced World, one of the key areas that needs balance is finance.  Drs. David Braun and Troy Amdahl advocate a debt-free life.  Easier said than done for most people.  However, this truly is key if one wants true freedom.  According to the Bible, God does not like us to get into debt.  “Do not be one who shakes hands in pledge or puts up security for debts..." Proverbs 22: 25-27  Debt can be a distraction; from our jobs, from our families and most importantly, from God.  It doesn’t matter how you got there.  That is part of the journey from which we need to learn.  The bigger question is “How are we going to become debt-free?”  It not only takes a plan but it takes self-control, persistence, and patience.  Most of all, you need gratitude for everything you have rather than bemoaning what you don’t have.

Finance -- okay, well this truly is the “F” word in my book.  I have never been great with money, and after my divorce was left financially devastated.  How would I define financially devastated?  Let me put it this way.  My house was foreclosed upon in summer 2012.  It had been on the market for over a year and half, with the price half of what its initial value was before the economy took a downturn.  I had no retirement or savings accounts.  That money had been used to pay off credit cards.  Great idea in theory but not when your spouse runs them back up within months of using the money.  Within three months of my divorce, I had 4 months of household bills to pay from when I was married, I had to move into a new place (unplanned), pay my lawyer $5,000, buy a new bed and mattress (unplanned ), take on $110,000+ of debt and figure out how to pay for all of this on a salary of just over $38,000.

I won’t go into the how and why’s of all of this – my only real contribution to this mess was my $50,000 or so of student loans.  That, I accept responsibility for; however, at the time I took out those loans, every financial guru on television was touting that as “good debt”; that and mortgages.  Let me tell you – THERE IS NO GOOD DEBT!  And that is exactly what Oola tells us.  As for the rest of my financial burdens that I was now the caretaker of?  Well, there is a story to that and not a pretty one.  At least my car was free and clear – oh wait!  Did I mention it completely stopped running in June and my mechanic (of all people) told me it was time to buy a new one?  According to him, the 12 year-old car I had would just continue to cause me unlimited expense and the current problem was going to cost me $1,200 to fix.  That, after a $500 repair job the month before.  Sigh!  How does one face all this financial burden and not become discouraged?  "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deut. 31:8

First of all, I had to place ALL my faith and trust in God.  I knew finances would be tight post-divorce; beyond what I had experienced in my life.  However, before divorcing I asked myself one big question. “If I left my husband, and had to take on two or three jobs to survive – was I willing to do it?”  I knew the day when I could answer “yes” to that question, I was ready to leave.  It took awhile but eventually, the answer was a resounding, “yes”.

Fortunately, I had taken a Dave Ramsey course, a year or so before my divorce.  I knew his financial principles, which are Biblically-based, are sound.  How I wish I’d taken this course in my 20’s! It doesn't matter; the principles are the same whether you’re 20 years old or 100 years old.  I had to have a financial plan; and I don’t mean, one from a financial planner.  I mean, set some long-term goals and make a budget.  I came from an upper middle class family and as long as I can remember, there was never a budget or plan per se.  There was just always money.  Well, you can’t do what you don’t know, so how could I ever possibly dig myself out of my hole?  Hence, this course was incredibly useful and it is, in fact, very Oola. 

Let me just say, my Oola hub is faith.  And frankly, God has provided me with absolute miracles.  I also had a stash of jewelry from the Middle-East!  Not your everyday pieces but 18 karat, 21 karat and 22 karat gold.  Exquisite pieces that were truly one –of-a-kind.  Yet, I had to humble myself and sell off every piece of gold.  And when that ran out, I sold off my 14 karat pieces.  I even went so far as to sell off my wedding bands; although I must confess, THAT felt good and was quite empowering.  All that jewelry was sold for pennies on the dollar.   I am not endorsing you sell off your possessions; it is merely something I chose to do.   I felt I had to do it to get myself as far out of debt as possible.  "She went and told the man of God, and he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left.” 2 Kings 4:6-8.  I paid off the lawyer, moved when forced to (again, another story) but still, praising God for the provision of

·          a place I could afford to live

·         one that became available at the exact time I needed it

·         the co-worker who owned the condo and allowed me to pay my deposit over a period of 4 months

·         enough gold to get me on my feet (which by the way, I had purchased 20 years prior!)
  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I purchased a bed and mattress because the one I brought from St. Louis had been in a storage unit that was not climate controlled for a year; it was my mother and father’s bedroom set – beautiful but over 50 years old.  The wood literally broke apart upon being re-assembled and could not be repaired.   I did not buy a complete set; rather I looked around for some time and slept on a twin mattress until I found an upholstered bed for less than $400, which would match the intact dressers.  I waited still until I could afford a mattress before making the purchase.  Eventually one went on sale.  I had to have one that I could live with rather than just straight up cheap, since I have a bad back.  My mattress and I are in it for the long haul; a marriage of sorts!  And so, it took a couple of months but I was finally able to purchase a bed and mattress.  I bought it just in time to be delivered to my new residence; God’s perfect timing.

 

Lastly, my car completely died.  What does one do with that?  I frankly, was surprised I could get a loan!  And no, I didn’t particularly want to undertake another loan but again, I had to pray to God and ask Him – what was His will in this matter?  I needed reliable transportation for work.  I didn’t exactly know the amount I could afford.  I could barely afford my life as it was.  However, I knew if I could get a second and/or third job, I could afford a car loan.  Also, keep in mind, at my school district, salaries had been frozen for the last three years.  Although it was rumored they would be unfrozen I couldn’t act on that.  I had a figure in mind and a car make – it had to be one that would last until…well, let’s just say, unless I win the lottery, this will probably be my last car!!  I found a car in the high end of my price range but because of the good gas mileage, was willing to pay a little more.  Again, praising God as I was able to purchase this car without a co-signer.  I am paying 14% interest on the loan, due to my credit score.  However, I make certain that it is paid ON TIME each and every month.  Oh, and God’s provision?  Well, our salaries were unfrozen, I had taken 32 hours of coursework since working for the district, so I got a decent salary increase AND I work a second job.  God DOES provide; however, we have to be willing to meet Him – sometimes more than halfway! 

 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

^{Proverbs 3:5-6}

As for my Oola life?  I have a budget which I tweak here and there.  I check my bank account daily to make sure that my balance matches what I think it is – I cannot afford overdrafts, which are easy to do in this day and age of automatic payments, which I utilize for many things such as insurance as it reduces my rate.   I am chipping away at my debt; albeit slowly, but it is being done.  I have managed to avoid bankruptcy.  I am sure my credit stinks but it doesn’t really matter unless I am financing something else, which I have absolutely NO plans on doing.  I do not want any credit cards.  If I can’t afford it, I don’t need it.   This year, I did end up buying SMALL (to be read—inexpensive--) gifts for my grandchildren and children for Christmas.  I spent a little over $100 for 4 grandchildren and 4 children and 2 son-in-laws.   I am trying to build an emergency cash reserve.  It is going very slowly.  Then again, this is a lifelong change.  It is a change of attitude.  I have enough.  God’s provision is plenty.  There is a roof over my head, my bills are paid and food on the table.   I have a job. That truly IS more than enough.  I am grateful that I have made it this far!

Oola has truly inspired me to be the best that I can be in the 7 areas of life that are important; finance, faith, fitness, friends, field, fun and family.  I know that I can achieve the balance I need for the Oola life but I also need to be patient.  I did not rack up this debt overnight and it is not going away overnight.  It is a long-term proposition.  In my Oola journey, finance is my weakest area due to my debt to income ratio.  However, I know all things are possible through Christ.   I also need a good plan in place for rebuilding this key area in my life.   The Oola journey is not for the faint of heart.  It doesn’t just “happen”.  It takes a lot of planning and a lot of work.  It also needs to be reviewed and revised periodically.

My plans for this year include continuing to work on and build strength in this area of weakness.  I have had to grow a lot this past year.  I could not have made it this far without my faith in God and trying to live an Oola life.  Is my life perfect?  Far from it. But ask me, “Are you happy, grateful and at peace?”  My answer to that is, “Absolutely”.  I have said it in other blogs and I am going to say it again; get your copy of “Oola:  Find Balance in an Unbalanced World”.  I will also say it again: “No, I do not get paid for this blog or my personal endorsement of this lifestyle choice”.  I choose to embrace what I have learned from this incredible book!  I am on a life journey unlike any other.  “Thank you, Dr. David Braun and Dr. Troy Amdahl for having the foresight and courage to write about your incredible journeys to the Oola life!”

I am grateful for it all -- the good and the bad.  I praise God for everything and I am a much happier for doing so.  Can you say the same? 

"I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live."  Psalm 146:2
 

 

 

Merry Christmas, Mom!

This is a blog I wrote on January 20, 2008.  It served as an ode to my mother.  She was a complicated person who shaped my life more than anyone I know.  I remember when she was diagnosed with cancer.  She cut herself off from all of her friends and everyone except her immediate family and doctors.  She called cancer, “her secret”.  I couldn’t understand it, but respected it.  One thing I do remember is how very sick she was over a relatively short period of time.  She was diagnosed over Labor Day week-end with stage IV lung cancer and passed away just before Christmas.  One of my most vivid memories is that of her hospital bed in my dining room, for she became so weak, she could no longer get around easily in my home.  I was getting ready to go upstairs and had a fiber optic Christmas tree on as a night light for her.  The lights twinkled in the stillness of the darkened room and quiet house.  Just as I was getting ready to go upstairs, I asked her, “Is there anything else I can get for you?”  Not a particularly religious woman, she replied, “Would you pray I don’t suffer?”  I looked at her with tear-filled eyes and said, “Mom, I pray that for you every night!”  It was a bittersweet moment, as she entered the hospital the next morning for what was one of her last admissions.

My mom died December 21, 2007. It's hard to write that and even harder to imagine it's true. But it is. She fought the good fight. She spent her last three weeks of life in the hospital. Although I think she would have preferred to have been home, that was just not possible. She would have had to ask for hospice. She did not want that. After all, hospice is for people who are dying. To have been on hospice would have meant having to admit that final truth.

My mom was a brave woman. She fought as long and as hard as she could. At the end, her 90-something pound body just could fight no more. It was sad to watch the decline of a woman who was so witty and bright. As we go through the pictures of her over the years, it is hard to imagine a woman so full of life and vitality is gone.

Her words still come back to me as I silently think about calling her about this or that. "Mom, I'm sick -- should I go to school?" "Stay home and rest." "But I feel guilty!" "Don't feel guilty -- get better." "I feel like I'm dying!" "You're not dying, you're just neurotic like your mother!" And on it goes...As I write these words, I can still hear her voice. 

I don't think my mom suffered like most people with cancer do. She seemed comfortable until the end. God was merciful to her in that way. The strongest pain medicine she ever took was a Darvocet N-100 and it relieved what little pain she had. I thank God for that!

In the end, she died with her loved ones surrounding her. Her room was very quiet and we all just sat and talked with her until she passed into the next life. When I entered her room and saw her labored breathing, I whispered in her ear, "Tonight, you'll be dancing with the angels, Mama!" I was right.

The night before I wrote this blog, I dreamt she visited me. She thanked me for helping her spiritually and told me it (Heaven) was all I said it would be. I asked her if she was with her friends, and she said, "No, I will see them in a few days." One last visit and a final good-bye.

Whenever I feel sad, I think back to her illness and all the challenges she faced. She never let anyone know how she really felt. I'm sure she felt scared, and lonely, and missing us before she even left this earth. And I'm sure she felt sick. The day she was admitted to the hospital, as she laid in the emergency room, she looked at me and said, "I'm not going to be here much longer." I told her as my voice cracked, "Don't say that, you don't know..." She pointed at her heart and said, "I know." She did know.

I wish this blog were funny or silly or even somewhat poetic. It's not but it's from the heart. Those other words will come later. So as I dry my tears on my sleeve, and write this final "good-bye" know that you were loved, Mom! And that we'll miss you forever....

Epilogue:
It’s been six years since I wrote this blog.  It was at that time that my writing began to change, as I had changed.  You see, caring for a terminally ill loved one does change your life.  It takes some time for a “new normal” to begin.  For us, it had to begin sooner than most since we had children in the house and Christmas was around the corner.  My sister and I discussed what to do about Christmas Eve, which was our annual holiday gathering.  Although difficult, we decided to have Christmas Eve just as planned to honor our mom.  We knew she would want that.

There are days when I miss my mom terribly.  It was “easier” to say “good-bye”, I suppose, because we knew she was terminally ill with no hope of recovery; she would only get sicker and sicker.  No one wants to see their loved one suffer, even if it means losing them.

 

My words of encouragement for those who are dealing with a loved one with a terminal disease is to give them the best quality of life that is possible.  Follow their cues.  Pray for them, listen to them or just hold their hand.  Let them know you are there for them.  This is an intimate time in your lives.  Really LIVE it.   EXPERIENCE it.  BE in that moment.  To me, dying is merely a transition from this world to the next.    I did not feel scared, worried or anything more than the fact that I was on holy ground as I sat in her hospital room and watched her pass from this life to the next– God’s great plan was unfolding and my mother was center stage.  She moved on with relative ease; finally, at peace.