Sometimes God just sends you the perfect message and tonight is one of those times. I am sitting in front of the fire relaxing and just thinking, all is well with the world. My boys and I had a fabulous dinner out tonight. Granted, it cost half my grocery money for the week, but you know what? It was worth EVERY penny! Yes, I did not throw extra in my bank account but sometimes, you cannot put a price on family times and memories.
My boys are busy these days. I'm also busy. We connect some evenings on a 1:1 basis but most of the time, we meet up on the weekends. There is no school, no work, no extra jobs or distractions -- just us. We usually clean since that is our only time to really work together and then just hang out. We watch our favorite TV shows or make random commentary on life today. It is a great way to spend the afternoon. My oldest has a wicked sense of humor and usually has me laughing like no other. I love his humor. He would make a great comedian. He is one of those rare individuals that is good looking, has a great sense of humor and is extremely musically talented. He also enjoys martial arts and has a fascination with Japanese culture. Oh, and his style is rather bohemian -- wearing raggedy jeans (not store-bought --just worn out old clothes) and wears his beard tied with rubber bands. Again, I don't get it but it suits him. He says it's a great conversation-starter. I'll give him that! It's his style and I have to admire his willingness to go against the grain. I see a lot of me in him. I was once rather bohemian as well. AND he would do anything for me! (always a plus!)
My other son, is the polar opposite when it comes to fashion. Always dressed impeccably, a trimmed beard and eyes that would melt anyone's heart. Also, extremely good-looking, a great sense of humor and plans to go into politics. He is also was blessed with talent in the music department. I see more of his father in him, but he still has plenty of me there. I like to think he gets his humor from me but also his faith, which is deep. His love for God is the real deal. In my humble opinion (but I am their mother) both my boys are the "whole package".
I'm also thinking about my daughters tonight and my grandchildren. Both girls have married wonderful young men who are great dads. They provide for their families and love my daughters with all their hearts. My girls are blessed. I miss them, yet know they are in the arms of someone they love and who will care for them, even into their ripe old age. Their children are polar opposites as well. One girl has two children with blonde hair and blue eyes and one little girl who looks exactly like her with her middle eastern roots. The other's child also carries the ethnicity gene of our family with olive skin, dark hair and dark eyes. My one daughter's children are extremely mischievous and make me laugh. My other daughter's baby makes me laugh because every time he hears grandma's voice, he smiles. He may be 3 months old, but he knows his "grammy"!
It's not a particularly "exciting" night. I hear the washer and dryer running, and I still have to make my steel oats for a week's worth of breakfasts (they take forever to cook!) But it is life. Pure and simple.
I think about my household as the kids were growing up. Yes, it was chaos. The oldest was 12 years old when the youngest was born. My baby boy was spoiled like no other -- these girls doted on him. My oldest boy had middle child syndrome. No doubt because he was usurped from his reign as king of the household at the tender age of 5. He now had to share his sisters' attention.
I have to laugh when I think about them forever asking me "who is the favorite?" It is a game we still play to this day! One of them will invariably ask, "Who's your favorite kid?" Lots of speculation and laughs. Sometimes I tease them and say this one or that one but in the end, they know there is no favorite. Each one is special for their own unique qualities.
I do love these quiet evenings. My cat is asleep in front of me and not a peep except for the sounds of the dryer running. Waiting to get a load of blankets in, so I can have something to curl up with in front of the TV.
Most of all, thinking about life -- how mine is these days. I'm happier than I've ever been -- I now know what real joy is -- my life is drama free. I live a faith-filled life -- I try to reach out to those who may be hurting through my blog, prayer and Stephen Ministry. I check my finances almost daily and revisit my budget about once a month, to make sure I'm on track for my goals. I'm writing a book. Visit with my grandbabies and daughters via FaceTime every week (sometimes more often). I love my jobs and although tired wouldn't consider doing anything else. The pay is low but the satisfaction is high. It's the inverse of most occupations. My friends surround me with love and I am even starting to love myself -- enough to want to feel better and get myself physically fit. Yes, I'm divorced, alone and pretty darned broke. But God has seen me through it all and it's not who I am. I am not my possessions and bank account --I am much more than that. I am about what's in my heart. Tonight my heart is focused on my blessings and on God. I am grateful for both the good and bad I've gone through. This life is a journey -- and although the ending is the same for everyone, that's not what's important. It's what we learn along the way. What's important is knowing who I am and who I am in Him. I trust Him completely -- after all, isn't that what faith is about? Tonight I only have one Bible verse on my mind...
"Be still and know that I AM God..." Psalm 46:10
It is my "go to" verse, my mantra. I am hearing Him in the stillness of the night -- if you just stop what you're doing for a moment, you can too. "Be still and know..."-- that He is God.
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