The State of Education

This will probably be my last post.  Ever.  Truth is, I've become irrelevant.  I'm not totally surprised.  People love to read about your dirty laundry but when life is good...not so much.  I'm okay with that...really!  I have a laundry list of things to do and writing is sort of taking a backseat to them.

Thursday a bombshell was dropped in the special educators laps.  We were getting a state audit on our confidential folders...going back to day 1.  Now, I have been employed by this school since -- this school year -- so, I am responsible for 20+ folders that are in, quite possibly, a state of disrepair.  Additionally, since the folders are being removed from the school, we have to move all our IEP meetings from March into February.  Fortunately, I had the foresight to split up my 12 or so February IEP's into 2 months -- January and February.  So, I have only seven to do plus whoever's meetings I am overseeing as an LEA.  

Let me put this in perspective.  In order to hold an IEP, three notices must be given to the parent.  We have a new software program that is, problematic, to say the least.  For me, most of my students are Hispanic which means I send 2 notices home -- 1 in English and 1 in Spanish.  However, there are two separate notices -- making it 4 notices that go home.  And the English (due to the software) does not clone into the Spanish -- so I have to read the English one and retype it onto the Spanish one.  I also need to arrange for a translator, test the student, score the test, check their ELPA-WIDA (English language speaking) scores, check grades, transcripts and write teachers to see what they are observing in the classroom.  After ALL this information is gathered, I can write an IEP.  Now, imagine that x7.  Not easy to do.  I am currently testing students for February.  I have managed to get four to come for it.  I still have three more to do.

Now as far as our admin...they are fabulous -- promising us subs if needed to squeeze all of this in.  My biggest problem with all of this is having to fix the problems of the people before me. AND, if problems are found, the ramifications fall on me.  I would solely be to blame.  And then, some sort of process ensues for the next three years, aimed at me.  So, since Thursday, we have been receiving list upon list of what needs to be in the folders, how they should look, etc, etc.  It is, to say the least, overwhelming.

I went into special education to help kids.  I do my work with due diligence but definitely get behind in my filing.  I play catch-up periodically but I am human, and to do everything within a day or two of an IEP is darned near impossible.   I teach three 80 minute classes per day, get 30 minutes for lunch, an 80 minute prep (2 used to plan with the co-teacher, do grading, etc and 2 for special education work) and we have after school meetings twice a week; one lasting an hour, the other, a half hour.   

I am, quite frankly, finding that education is losing its appeal.  I went into it for the kids.  I have a great rapport with even the most hard-core students.  I don't even mind doing the IEP's, quite frankly.  It helps me get a better insight into my students.  What I mind is being held accountable to a standard that makes me wonder, is it really realistic?   I don't mind moving paperwork into it's proper place.  In fact, I did a folder check at the beginning of the year and they looked pretty good.  But I checked quickly.  Now, my eye will have to be perfect.  Making sure there are zero mistakes -- no matter how minuscule.   

I know this much...if I find myself under scrutiny for the next three years, that will probably end my education career.  I don't think filing documents is as important as teaching students how to advocate for themselves or helping them further their knowledge so they can get into college, vocational school, the armed forces or a job.  My goal is for them to graduate from high school.  A tall order since we are a Title 1, Tier 1 school -- high risk, high need students.  I love my job and would never want to leave but at the end of the day, I have to consider what's more important...my students or my filing skills?  (and the skills of those who went before me).

And so, as I feel completely overwhelmed and anxiety-ridden, I will go to school on Monday with a smile on my face -- never letting them see me sweat.  February will fly by...of that, I'm certain!  The good news is I will not have any IEP's in March and April, I will finish my caseload with three meetings left.  Spring break will arrive and we will be on the downhill slide.  

You are now getting a glimpse at the state of education.  If you are one of those people who persistently complains that a teacher is not doing their job, you do not know the half of it.  I suggest you take away your child's phone so that they can learn during the day instead of answering texts.  Teach them not to disrespect others.  Show them what it means to be an adult and hold them accountable for their actions.   Spend time with them and love them.  We are not their parents...we are their teachers.  I will be their role model, their mentor, their teacher.  I will listen to them, teach them and help them succeed in the classroom and with any luck, they will be able to generalize it into the "real world".  

The state of education.  I am a committed, caring teacher.  I am also tired of giving everything I have so that it can be taken away from me.  All because of a folder audit.  Interesting.  That, my friends, is the state of education.

Social Media

The other day in class, we watched an interesting Ted Talks.  It was an accomplished young man who was a Ph.D, managed to write books and get his name out there without the help of social media.  Interesting thought in today's world.  But let's think about this a little.  Isn't that what the Mary Kay company has been built on?  Relationship building -- not likes and followers?

Years ago, I sold insurance.  My business built up quickly because I went into businesses, met with owners and introduced myself.  It was before the advent of social media.  I found a target market and went after it.  I never went into a company that said no solicitors.  I also cold-called on the telephone.  I went through the yellow pages, asked for the manager and introduced myself.  I was never pushy and believe me  I heard more "NO's" than "YES's".  But I was determined to succeed.  And succeed I did.  I built a company from no accounts to $1.5 million in premium in just two years.   You might ask, "Why did I leave if I was so successful?"  I will tell you.  I had a District Manager who was a bully.  He took every opportunity to focus in on certain people and get them to quit.  There were three before me.  I knew it was my turn.  So why didn't I go to human resources?  Here's the problem.  I was an independent contractor.  Who do you turn to?  The person above him?  He'd been with the company 20 years and I was a newbie.  I left the company and he eventually got his comeuppance...he was sent back to sales.  I think when two or three top performers leave under his watch, they figured something was happening and they didn't like it. But, I digress.

The bottom line is, do we really need social media to build business relationships? I am beginning to think not.  The positive is you know more people but does it really translate into sales?  Mary Kay is built on that old fashioned face-to-face (excuse the pun) relationship.  People are more loyal to your product when they know you.  Additionally, social media has taken a turn, in my humble opinion, for the worse.  I see more fighting about politics than I learn about products.  And those who advertise products inundate your feeds with it. Forgive me, but I originally signed onto social media to see pictures of old friends, keep up with their lives and have a pleasurable outlet.  Today, I find that it is completely overwhelming and anxiety-provoking.

And so, today I want to consider is social media a positive or negative?  Yes, we live in the future.  However, my experience as a teacher has shown me that children now write papers as if they are texting.  They don't understand grammatical rules and can't spell.  Is this a teaching problem or a social media problem?  Probably a little of both.   Additionally, the media pouring into our children's minds makes it difficult for them to focus.  Our students cannot sit in class for more than 8 minutes without checking their phone.  I know this because I took a poll the other day of how many kids had their phones out 5 or more times in 40 minutes?  Almost all of them -- (probably all of them but few were reticent to admit it).

Oh and if that's not enough?  This guy on Ted Talks said that the design of social media is based off the same as what Las Vegas built their gambling on...that in fact, it creates an addiction of sorts.  I don't know if it's true but it would make sense.

And so, I would ask those that have a business to give it a shot.  Try it the "old-fashioned" way.  Meeting up with customers face-to-face.  Introduce yourself.  Share your knowledge on a product.  Build your company one person at a time.  Business takes time to build... three to five years for it to become solid.  In many respects, I'm sorry I caved when put under the pressure by a sales manager who ended up getting demoted anyhow.  The positive side is I learned a lot about business and went into a field that I love; teaching.  I don't know what the future holds as far as my Mary Kay business but aside from a business page, I am definitely going to work my business the old-fashioned way; by getting to know my customer -- a face...not a number.

www.marykay.com/lisakhuraibet

#30K

The average human has 30,000 days to live.  If you want to find out how much you have left, take your age X 365 and subtract from 30,000.  I personally have about 1/3 of my life left.  That's kind of scary.

How so, you might ask?  Because I wasted 2/3 of my life.  I lived as normal a life as possible.  As I enter the remaining 1/3 of my lifetime, I am going forth with gusto!

Last week-end, I saw the movie "Passengers".  Great movie, BTW!  Anyhow, as I looked at the actress who is probably not even quite 30, I started to cry.  I cried because I remember being 30 and I was gorgeous!  Then, I thought of myself now.  Certainly, I look my age -- perhaps a few years younger but fifty is fifty.  And I cried as I thought about how my life could have changed if I'd have had the courage and confidence to do it.  Then again, if I go back in time and rewrite my own script, I would not have had my fourth child, and frankly, I can't imagine life without him.

And so, a certain amount of self-forgiveness is needed.  No, I am not the young, vivacious person I once was but I am now filled with a wisdom that I wouldn't change for anything.  Having gone through difficult times has made me realize that I am one tough old broad.  Don't get me wrong...my body aches daily, I have to dye my hair not for style but to cover the gray, and I buy clothes and shoes for comfort and practicality.  In my 30's, I would have cringed at that thought; now it's just a fact of life.

So, for those who look back....don't.  Look forward.  Count the days you have left and live each one like there is no tomorrow.  Truth is, we really don't know what tomorrow holds.  It can be the sweetest years of your life.  30,000 days is not a lot.   I plan to live the next 10,000 or so the way God intended them -- full of joy, gratitude and shining the light of His spirit within me for others to see.

https://youtu.be/dHqtGPuFDe8     30,000 Days by Allison Geddie  (You can thank me later!)

When You Get Obsessed

I have a problem.  I develop obsessions.  My latest is LuLaRoe.  Now, for those of you that have not discovered this clothing line, it is ridiculously comfortable.  Pajama-like comfortable.  And not terribly pricey.  To boot, they wash  well and look great.  But for the fact it costs several thousand dollars to open a home-based business, I would be selling the stuff.  So, here's a true story.  I ordered a pair of leggings off one of the 30 or so LuLaRoe groups I belong to on Facebook.  But here's the caveat.  I couldn't remember which one!  Now, that's a problem!  It's was a blackout of sorts; sign of a true addiction.  So, I deleted membership in all but three.  I decided that I had to draw the line somewhere.  

Mary Kay -- also an obsession.  LOVE this makeup and skincare line.  Again, not overly-priced and my skin looks amazing!  I decided I loved the product so much I would sell it.  Great idea, right?  But here's where the problem comes in...I love it so much, I want to try it all!  YES!  I find myself ordering things for me!  I can't wait to try the eye gel or cellulite cream.  Nor could I resist the cream to powder finish foundation.  And yes, I will be using the CC foundation when the weather gets warmer and I need a light finish for my face!  The Moroccan Dunes eye shadow quartet looks amazing on my eyes...a beautiful neutral palette -- perfect for daytime.  I am resisting the urge to break into the other palettes that sit in my office.

Essential oils -- again, a product I can get behind.  I joined Young Living.  Love their Thieves line of soap for my hands because they tend to feel like Brillo pads during the school year,  between hand sanitizer and school soaps.  Thieves is gentle on my hands.  Followed by my Mary Kay hand cream and my hands never felt softer.  I also use the frankincense oil to pray, Stress Away for the obvious, Pan Away and Peppermint for a foot that was hurt while playing tennis and lemon oil for my water.  I just purchased the Sensation massage oil -- I hear that ups libido.  I've yet to experience a product from this company that doesn't work, so I'm anxious to try it!

I have to say, thank God coffee isn't available as a home-based business nor margaritas or even Oola, as I'd definitely get behind those much-loved products.  And so, as I write my third blog for the day (yet, another obsession), I begin to wonder...  Am I normal?  The jury's still out on that one.  But I do know this.  My little obsessions are fun, keep me out of trouble and put people in my path that wouldn't be there otherwise.  I think I like these little quirks about myself.  It keeps life interesting.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Next month marks another milestone in my life...my birthday!  For the last couple of months, I have been out of sorts.  I feel frumpy.  I'm sure there are many who can relate, but for those who can't...Webster's dictionary defines frumpy as "old and unattractive."

For me, this is not a new phenomenon and probably dates back to my mid-30's.  However, in my early 50's, I felt great; like I could conquer the world.  I still can, but it's sure a lot harder!

In my college years, I wore stilettos.  Yes, you name it; ankle straps, Candie's, funky boots -- 3 inch heels were not uncommon.  The higher the heel, the sexier the shoe, the better.  In my thirties, I traded those in for heels. Now, my shoes are designed for comfort; tennis, Uggs and "berkies". Still somewhat stylish but not what I would love as I longingly gaze at the spiked heels in the department store shoe department.  Frankly, if I were to put those on, I would need to lean against a wall for balance. Of course, with a martini in hand, I suppose that could look sexy.  I just wouldn't be able to move; I'd find myself in Depends all night.  OK, heels are definitely OUT!

Then, there's my body.  Oy vay!  How it has betrayed me!  I am clearly zaftig.  The, "It's baby weight" excuse has definitely worn thin, especially since my "baby" is now 21.  Where has the time gone?  Inside I feel 18, outside I look...well, I definitely look my age. 

While we're at it, let's talk hair.  What used to be a lustrous nest of curls is now, sadly, kinda straight, kinda curly.  It's grayish without any hair color.  To leave it natural is easy.  However, my Midwest roots tell me to dye it.  I think my friend telling me I was "morphing" into my 68 year old boyfriend is what clinched it!  Now the problem is, what color?  I don't like white hair poking through dark..  I've been blonde, silver, light brown, red and today, I'm going back for something different.  I don't know what yet, as I can't decide.  But the red, which looked great a few weeks ago, is now fading into a Bozo sort of color.  This clearly, is not good; hence why I struggle with the whole dilemma of hair color in the first place.  The good news is it's an easy fix.  The bad news is it needs to be fixed every.single.month!  Today, I go to the hairdresser.  New look?  Definitely.  Flirting with the idea of aubergine hair color.  Although I tried to let my hair grow longer, it is not cooperating.  It is definitely in an awkward stage, so back to short.

Next up, eyes.  I've gotten by with readers as long as I possibly could.  I've spent a fortune at the Dollar Store for them the last few years...I probably could've bought a condo for what I've tried to avoid for so long..."real" glasses.  However, it is apparent to me that the time has come to admit I need bifocals.  To type this blog on the computer is painful due to the number of typos...truth is, I can't see.  I am flirting with the idea of colored contact lenses.  As the old song says, "don't it make my brown eyes blue?"  Probably not, but something to consider.  

And colds...let's not forget how long it takes to get over a simple cold.  I've had one for three weeks, which turned into a nasty case of mastoiditis.  This is something that can get ugly fast.  I have been on antibiotics for a week which is doing a number on my GI system.  In all, I'm not a happy camper but it is survivable.

So, those are the negatives.  Now, let's look at some of the positives.  As I mentioned earlier, I don't feel my age.  Put me on a dance floor or a racquetball court and I am in my element.  (Thankfully, my shoes support not only my feet but my love of these activities). My mind is still crazy active and working with teenagers has definitely kept it sharper than ever.  I am one step ahead of those teens, much to their amazement!  I am a grandma X 7 and if anyone ever doubts the blessings with that...don't!  I love visiting "the grands" more than anything.  I'm in a stage in life where the only person I really have to worry about, is myself.  I can stay late at work and not rush home to cook dinner.  I can enjoy an occasional cocktail without knowing I have small children to take care of when I get home.  I can lay in bed all day if I want, go pee without an audience, and drink coffee ad infinitum without screams in the background.  As for my body, well there is definitely a positive.   Fortunately, I had the good, God sense to never nurse my babies; probably why I'm still carrying "baby" weight.  However, the positive to that is my boobs are not dragging to my knees.  My bladder may be, but not my boobs.... and in a good bra, they look downright fabulous! 

   My life is not how I envisioned it at this age.  I had hoped to retire but truth is, if working keeps me healthier, why not?   I get my senior discount on movie tickets ($4 on Wednesdays, baby) and although still a bit miffed they don't ID me to check if I'm really 50, I certainly rake advantage of the privilege!  I do what I want, come and go as I like and no one asks me questions.  Truth is, although I have little aches, pains and irritations in life, my 50's have definitely been my most joyful time of life; paling only to raising my own children.  

Do I miss being 30?  Sometimes.  But I love the wisdom that comes with age.  I love how life has fallen into place (thank you, God).  I love that I can be as young or old  as I want.  I have more confidence in my 50's than I had in my entire life. 

Life is short.  Enjoy it.  Embrace the good and the bad.  Life may not always as we expect it but then again, what ever is?  Fifty-seven.  Ouch!  Hurts to say it.  But as my mother used to say, "it sure as hell beats the alternative!"  Amen, Mama...Amen!

Love (or Something Like It)

Yesterday as I was driving up to my home, I noticed the trash cans were out.  It was Friday and they are out every Friday when I get home from work.  In that insane instant, I felt it...love.  Not fleeting romance or passion but straight on love.  Why, you might ask, would something like seeing the garbage on the curb make me feel love?    Because at that instant, I recognized the stability in my life.  You see, love is not purely about the romance or sex but it is deeper.  I am finally beginning to "get it".

I also felt it last week.  My daughter came by to see if she could borrow some money for gas.  She is going through some tough times.  All I had was $10.00.  I asked her how she was doing for food and she said all she had was rice and veggies.  I told her to grab a grocery bag from my trunk and she could have some of our food.  I told my fiance  and in that moment, he immediately pulled out his wallet and said, "Here's $100."  I was stunned!   First, this is not his child -- step or otherwise.  Yet, he said he knew she is working hard and trying to make ends meet.  In that instant, I fell crazy, madly in love.  Not because of the money but because of the act of generosity  He is someone who would give the shirt off his back to someone who needed it.

This week, he went to the doctor and found out he has become an insulin dependent diabetic.  I immediately took action.  I did the grocery shopping and vowed if he brought a bag of candy in the house, as he is accustomed to doing, I would throw it away.  I have been making low fat meals and snacks for both of us.  You see, I want to spend the next 20 or 30 years with this guy and keep up with him!

A year ago, I said "yes" to a man who proposed.  Lord knows, I was not ready for it.  But I said, "yes". We have certainly had our share of "ups and downs"...all part of the learning curve of being in a "real" relationship.  I'm learning to let the voices of folks who've said to me, "Are you sure you're not settling?"  -- die down.  I've come to the conclusion that there is no one perfect out there; just someone perfect for me.  Someone who loves me unconditionally.    Someone who texts me daily to tell me he loves me or how gorgeous I am.  Someone who will cuddle me when I'm sick or overwhelmed.  Someone who will occasionally channel my mother's words, sending me reassurance that she is smiling down from heaven on this relationship.  I think my father would have approved, too.  This is the man I wish I'd met thirty years ago.  But then again, we were both different people.  I only know, he's here now -- and I want to spend my later years with him.

I have a lot of catching up to do.  I have a lot of living left to do. Statistics show that around 70% of second marriages fail.   I don't doubt it.  You come to the table with two sets of baggage; and then you have to sort your way through it.  Some days, I find myself wanting to run away...but to what?  More instability?  Looking for something that probably doesn't exist?  The truth is, I have had so much drama in my life that I don't even know what "normal" looks like; I am beginning to understand what that looks and feels like.   I don't know what the future holds but I have lived long enough to know that there are no guarantees in this life.

This has been a long time coming; trusting someone enough to share my life with them.  I am happy.  Life is settled.  Being held close feels nice.  Looking at the trash cans as I round the corner fills my heart with joy.  Passion is great but so are the simple things; watching a movie, playing tennis, snuggling into the wee hours of the night, waking up to someone holding your hand in the middle of the night.  That's nice.  That's real.  That's love.