The Do-Over

People often ask me, how do you find the energy to do all the things you do.  Granted, I work full-time, take classes on the side and run a rather fun Mary Kay business on the side.  So, how DO I do it?

I must confess, I was never EVER a workaholic.  I used to be more of a slacker.  That is, after I met my first husband.  I had tons of dreams and goals before I married him, but I settled down way too young.  And he just didn't share my dreams or vision.  So, I just sort of hung out.  I hung out for a long time -- 31 years to be exact.  That is waaaaaay too long to hang out.  I saw an Igram post that said, "If you're looking for an excuse to leave, you already found it."  That was me.  Looking for an excuse when I didn't really need one.

By the time I left -- (let's just say, I drew up the paperwork -- the marriage was loooong over) -- I realized that time had passed.  Far too quickly.  I was now in my 50's, alone and broke.  And I.let.it.happen.  I think that's my biggest regret -- I allowed it to happen -- to me.  I was the victim.  This once, strong girl had allowed herself to be manipulated into nothingness. We can get into the whole psychobabble of why it happened but the bottom line is, I had to pull myself together (quickly) and make the most of what was left of my life.

Now truth be told, I don't really want a do-over.  Frankly, if I did things differently, I wouldn't have my four fabulous children or my soon-to-be nine amazing grandchildren.  So, I can't say for certain a do-over is the answer.  But sometimes in life, we find that the timing in our lives is all wrong.

For instance, you meet the love of your life but the ink on your divorce papers isn't dry enough and you are not healed enough to get involved in another relationship.  My husband remarked the other day that I am much calmer than  I was when we first met.  He''s right.  More healing has been done.  But I digress.

But I think the reason I find I work (and play hard) is I am making up for lost time. Thirty-plus years is a lot to lose.  And so, I work.  When I first divorced, I worked three jobs.  Mostly to keep afloat.  I now look at what I have to pay back in student loans (go figure, the loan companies have no sympathy with the fact that this is a joint consolidation and my ex has skipped the country and court orders) and I realize, I'd like to retire debt free.  How freeing that would be.   And so, I continue to work...hard!  Currently, my 70-year-old husband is working to help while much of my money goes to pay debt.  One day, he will no longer be able to work and there goes 30K in income.  Swallow that.  Not easy.  And so, I work harder so that by the end of the day, I will hopefully be able to recoup that loss and continue paying down the loans.  But for those, I would be living the "sweet life".  It's okay though.  It's a humbling reminder of my past and how I never want to be left in that situation again.

And so, my motivation for working and playing hard is simply this.  I don't get a do-over.  None of us does.  And those years fly by.  So, make the most of life.  Live like tomorrow will never come, because you may not get a chance for another do-over.

OolaPalooza 2018

Every year, I write about OolaPalooza.  This year I'm writing from a little different perspective; because this year, I didn't go.

I purchased my ticket a year ago and yet, I knew I had to stay behind.  God began talking with me about it around September.  I felt in my soul that my ticket needed to go somewhere else.  I didn't know where but I knew that I needed to stay behind.

You see, I'm working on my goals.  I'm working on my future.  And so, as adults do, I made a very tough but very good decision.  I gave my ticket to my mentor Dr. Dave and said, "give it to someone who can really use it."  He didn't disappoint.  He gave it to a woman who had lost everything in the California fires.  I wish I could meet her because the truth is, she has a tough road ahead and I would love to know her dreams and goals.  And also, share where I was five years ago.  Trust me, it was not a good place.

I'm not sure I like this "adulting" business.  It means making hard choices.  I have been to OolaPalooza every year since it began.  It is a two day seminar where we write down our goals for the next year.  We look at potential blockers and things that will accelerate our goals.  And then we spend a year going after them.

This year for me was quite different.  I prayed about my ministry.  Where does God really want me?  And then, it hit me.  I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  Teaching.   Helping at-risk youth.  It is something I have always loved.  The pay is low but the reward is high.

Last Christmas, it occurred to me that perhaps I needed to go higher to make a real difference.  You see, being in education for ten years can do that...make you want to change the system.  And so, I moved swiftly.  This fall, I enrolled in college to get a second Master's degree...this time in administration and leadership.  Is it easy?  Hell no!  It is hard.   It is all online and my biggest frustration and stress is the technology. (I am old...'nuff said).

I moved to a new job.  It too is a challenge but one I love.  I am now an English Language Learner Facilitator instead of a special education teacher.  It is my first love.  I worked in Kuwait for five years.  I never really understood my reason for moving there other than the fact that my husband at the time wanted to go.  And frankly, I knew God wanted me there.  I made the move.  A huge adjustment but it was there I discovered my love of teaching and working with students whose first language is not English.

I look at my Oola goals.  This was nowhere on the radar.  Yet, God had a plan and purpose and I decided to take the risk and work my tail off.  I pray that at the end of the day we remain a three star school ( our ELL department last year got us there).  I know it is where He wants me because I remember His words to me 11 years ago..."You will go into ministry and it will cost you 100,000 dollars".  He didn't lie.   My schooling is costing me every bit that much and with interest,  you can double it.  Yet, I know that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter.  I am content to live in an apartment and work my tail off.

So, what do I do for next year?  I have not planned my life.  There is always Christmas break, and I plan to write my goals for next year; just as I did for this year.  By  the way, I think the only goal I didn't meet was fitness although I am still working on it.

At the end of the day, Denzel's right...a dream without goals is just a dream.  Attach some goals and you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish.  Adulting is hard but life is good.