People often ask me, how do you find the energy to do all the things you do. Granted, I work full-time, take classes on the side and run a rather fun Mary Kay business on the side. So, how DO I do it?
I must confess, I was never EVER a workaholic. I used to be more of a slacker. That is, after I met my first husband. I had tons of dreams and goals before I married him, but I settled down way too young. And he just didn't share my dreams or vision. So, I just sort of hung out. I hung out for a long time -- 31 years to be exact. That is waaaaaay too long to hang out. I saw an Igram post that said, "If you're looking for an excuse to leave, you already found it." That was me. Looking for an excuse when I didn't really need one.
By the time I left -- (let's just say, I drew up the paperwork -- the marriage was loooong over) -- I realized that time had passed. Far too quickly. I was now in my 50's, alone and broke. And I.let.it.happen. I think that's my biggest regret -- I allowed it to happen -- to me. I was the victim. This once, strong girl had allowed herself to be manipulated into nothingness. We can get into the whole psychobabble of why it happened but the bottom line is, I had to pull myself together (quickly) and make the most of what was left of my life.
Now truth be told, I don't really want a do-over. Frankly, if I did things differently, I wouldn't have my four fabulous children or my soon-to-be nine amazing grandchildren. So, I can't say for certain a do-over is the answer. But sometimes in life, we find that the timing in our lives is all wrong.
For instance, you meet the love of your life but the ink on your divorce papers isn't dry enough and you are not healed enough to get involved in another relationship. My husband remarked the other day that I am much calmer than I was when we first met. He''s right. More healing has been done. But I digress.
But I think the reason I find I work (and play hard) is I am making up for lost time. Thirty-plus years is a lot to lose. And so, I work. When I first divorced, I worked three jobs. Mostly to keep afloat. I now look at what I have to pay back in student loans (go figure, the loan companies have no sympathy with the fact that this is a joint consolidation and my ex has skipped the country and court orders) and I realize, I'd like to retire debt free. How freeing that would be. And so, I continue to work...hard! Currently, my 70-year-old husband is working to help while much of my money goes to pay debt. One day, he will no longer be able to work and there goes 30K in income. Swallow that. Not easy. And so, I work harder so that by the end of the day, I will hopefully be able to recoup that loss and continue paying down the loans. But for those, I would be living the "sweet life". It's okay though. It's a humbling reminder of my past and how I never want to be left in that situation again.
And so, my motivation for working and playing hard is simply this. I don't get a do-over. None of us does. And those years fly by. So, make the most of life. Live like tomorrow will never come, because you may not get a chance for another do-over.
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