Yesterday I was talking with a friend who paid me a really nice complement; telling me how accomplished I was and that I was really smart. I kind of pooh-pooh the compliment -- a wave of the hand sort of response -- by saying, "not really" and yet, this person circled the wagon, and insisted it was true. I conceded with a very lame, "thank you." Now, here's the question ... how many of you do the same thing?
This, my friends, is negative self-talk. We let the noise of other people get inside our heads. Where does this come from? For me, it comes from my past. I never felt good enough, pretty enough, strong enough, perfect enough. You see, perfection (or at least striving for it) was key in our family. If you didn't become a doctor (which I'm not), you're not good enough. Doctors are rich and money equals success. Unfortunately, the people in my family that believed that are no longer alive to see how my life is turning out. It's quite different than anyone (myself included) imagined.
Over Christmas, my youngest child said to me, "Mom, you're a success!" I said, "Really?" in complete disbelief. Let's face it -- I don't have money other than my day-to-day paycheck, I am a teacher (not a highly esteemed job), I don't own a house or live a remotely lavish lifestyle. I am in fact, in debt to my eyeballs. Yet, in his eyes, I am a success. I asked him why he felt that way. He said, "You don't have to have money to be a success. You are working at a job you love, you are happy, and you have a roof over your head and food on the table." There you have it...his definition of success. I must have done something right.
Am I a success? The truth is -- if we take out money and personal belongings as a definition of success, he is correct. I've had money and been miserable. I've had debt and been miserable. What I've discovered about myself and who I am is completely different from the reality of my first 50 years of life.
My first 50 years, money defined success. My first 50 years, occupation defined success. My first 50 years, my weight defined success. My first 50 years, being married defined success. Based on this criteria, I was NOT a success. I didn't have money, I was only a teacher, I was overweight and had a terrible marriage. Then, one day, the facade cracked. I cracked. And I had to rebuild myself from the ground up. I did this with Christ as the cornerstone.
First of all, marriage does not define success unless you have a good marriage and are happy. Bad marriage --gone. I learned how to become happy alone. Okay, not completely alone. I had my two children for a little while and a cat. But the kids moved out pretty quickly. I became grateful for everything. I experienced life to the fullest, realizing that life is finite. I am not ONLY a teacher -- I am living out the purpose God entrusted to me...to help those in my path recognize who they are, that they can become whatever they want, and to stop the train-wreck of negative thinking before it consumes them the way it did me. I forgave those who wronged me in my life. I got on medication for depression, knowing that I could not fulfill my purpose working with my brain consumed by negativity and sadness. I worked several jobs while going to graduate school. You know, for little things like money. I found strength that I didn't know existed. It was if I was super-human. But I'm not...I worked to fulfill needs that were lacking -- little luxury items like getting my hair colored or clothes. I took graduate coursework while doing all this in order to get a pay raise. And I did. I am now working on my second master's degree with the hopes of becoming an administrator so I can one day pay off my debts and retire for good.
Eventually, I was able to find the "real" me. I am strong. I am courageous. I am a mentor. I am a believer in God and His sovereignty. I am focused. I am happy. I am a mom. I am a grandmother.
I am neither thin nor rich. We have been fed that line for far too long. That is not the hallmark of success. God help us if it is because very few people would reach it.
And so, I am many things. I still have a way to go before I feel like I have become a complete person but if I died today, I would be quite content with the life I've built. If you haven't taken a personal inventory lately, do so. If you feel less than others, thanks to social media or the uncaring remarks of others -- don't. Living a life that touches others and most of all, completes you, is what we should all strive for; and if you are less than that, start working. Let go of the negativity in your head and naysayers around you. Set goals. Work hard. Believe in yourself, even if no one else does. It has taken me five years to get to where I am. I plan to use the remainder of my life to become the best I can be...but be sure of this. I.am.a.success. And the next time someone pays me an incredible compliment? I'm going to smile and say, "thank you!" -- and mean it!
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