So what has it been? A year since I've written? Easily. And just as easily, I am at the same weight. But this is my year. How am I so sure? Because I have finally realized there is not easy way to lose weight. It requires eating less and moving more. And the eating less is 80% of the formula.
I also have not been realistic. I have been cheating on myself. Yes, I have been lying to myself about how many pounds I need to lose. My doctor got real with me when I had a very thorough check up. He told me the truth, and it wasn't pretty.
It took me awhile to accept the number of pounds he told me I needed to lose. And then, instead of burying my head in the sand, I decided to come up with a plan. My weight is the culmination of a good 20+ years of unhealthy eating and lack of exercise; and so to expect immediate results is not realistic.
And so, I had to get real, and make a plan. How many pounds can I realistically lose in a month? To me, six was the magic number. That is a pound and a half a week; resulting in all my weight being gone by February 2020. Now, this is no small task and in fact, there is a reason I chose that month and year. It will be my 60th birthday and I do believe, the 60 of today does not have to look like the 60 of yesteryear.
Growing up, my dad was a doctor and his 60 year old patients were retired, walking on canes and living not much beyond 65. Today, it's different. With a healthy lifestyle, women can expect to live into their 80's -- easily. Fortunately, I have longevity in my family on my mother's side and most women lived until their 90's. And I want my 90's to be spectacular. I personally believe in the next 30 years, medicine will make great strides and that, with a little help from my friends, will be able to dance at my great-grandchildren's wedding (to disco music, no less!)
So of course, we all know our "why" plays a huge part in weight loss because let's face it -- motivation and even, inspiration wanes. So, what is my why? First of all, I want to prove to myself that I can do it. For years, I felt my weight was insurmountable and that is a limiting belief that I have to fight. I also had a "why bother" attitude because of my age. Reality is hitting. It doesn't matter how old (or young) you are...your health is important. Looking good is important. You don't have to have movie star looks but certainly should do the best you can with the looks you have been blessed with (yes, you heard me). For years, I believed I was the ugly duckling -- curly hair, long nose, lots of curves. But guess what? My daughter looks exactly like me and she is no ugly duckling. She is gorgeous! So, why did I feel this way?
Growing up in the 1960's. Think about it -- who was en vogue? Twiggy. Thin, straight hair, small nose. In 8th grade, all it took was one person to call me "the Schnozz" and that was it...I felt ugly until my 30's. What changed? Nothing. I just realized as I got older that my nose was normal. It was my dad's nose but not overly long...and it was straight. I actually have a somewhat decent nose.
Then came the the 70's with the ice skater Dorothy Hamill...remember her 'do? Every girl had it -- except me. How I longed for straight hair -- and I had my hair straightened. But then, one day, as the straightened hair began to grow out, I saw curls. And so, I let my hair go curly...I had a great head of hair and grew into that look. Eventually (in the 80's), curls were "in". Fast forward to the 90's. I had my third child and had 20 pounds left to lose. I lost it and looked fabulous. Size 9 and I still thought I was fat. Go figure. Best shape of my life.
Well, although those days are over, it does not mean that I can't look as good as I can for a 58-soon-to-be 59 year old. But now, here's the other piece to the equation. As a child I was sexually abused and for those who don't think that can take a toll on your body, think again. To this day, when I lose weight, men look. I see it. And it makes me exceedingly uncomfortable. To me, the looks are not compliments. They are leering eyes along with unwanted comments --and I want to hide. And I've done a fabulous job over my lifetime. Hiding behind the weight. This is something I have to overcome or I will never achieve my goals.
And so, with every last fiber of my being, I pray to God to help me on this journey. I hope to encourage those of you who have struggled with weight. I plan to write, not just for accountability but to see how far along I have come. This is the battle of a lifetime -- and for my life.
Having said that, it is time to move forward. I know I am not alone in this struggle. And it pains me that I have been on this journey for years. But it is time to get my Oola on, and just do it. It is a journey of a thousand steps or in this case, one pound at a time. It's doable and it is going to be my year.
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