It's Not About Us

 

 



 

I am a mother.  I am a grandmother.  I am a teacher.  Most people think of teaching as a "lesser" profession.  The old "Those who can, do.  Those who can't, teach those who do." mentality.   I'm proud of my accomplishments and education. I'd even go so far as to say, I think it is an important job; sort of ranking up there with doctors, lawyers, pastors and other professionals.  Unfortunately, teachers are not considered professionals.  We are merely public servants who are often times ridiculed and demoralized for our chosen profession.  We work 6 hours a day and get summers and holidays off.  We sit on our behinds and have job security like no other -- NOT!  Actually, we are highly trained professionals.  Most of us have not one, but two master's degrees, if not our doctorate.  Yet, parents seem to think it's fair game to blame the ills of their children on us.

 

I am a new teacher - this is my fifth year of teaching.  They told us in graduate school the burnout rate was between 5-8 years for a teacher.  If you could last that long, you would probably be there until retirement.  I am not anywhere near burnout.  I love my job!  I teach special education in high school -- prior to that, I taught special education in elementary.  I like high school better because we can actually watch the kids grow and develop.  We will see them, often times, throughout the entire four years.  They look to us for guidance, mentoring and as role models.  It is a job I take very seriously.  Every kid who walks through my classroom door, hears me tell them that "My goal for you is to be as successful out of school, as in school -- whatever that success means to you."  It could mean attending college, community college, trade school or a job.  Each child is special and unique.  There is no "right" way for them to transition from high school to the "real" world.  Everyone has a different skillset.  I try to help them develop their strengths in order to overcome their weaknesses.

Today's teenager has a much more "worldly" viewpoint than we ever did as kids.  Their education comes not from the schools but rather from the media; television, the Internet, Twitter, Facebook and other social media outlets.  They have a portable computer in their hands with a cell phone and it is a no-holds barred entertainment center. 

Teenagers also dress considerably different than we ever did -- the girls wear short, tight skirts and plunging necklines -- ones so low that even I am uncomfortable.  I cannot imagine how the male teachers feel, especially young ones.  As for the boys, ever hear the song "Pants on the Ground"?  Yup, there's plenty of that.  Today's term for looking good is, I believe, swag.  One thing they all possess is that they look much older than they are; that's more than a little scary!

However, today's teenager deals with much more drama than we ever did.  Their lives are much more complex.  I'm not sure how they deal with it all; school, work, extracurricular activities and yes, the social aspect.  Today's teenagers don't just work harder, I believe they party harder than we could even imagine. 

But, here's the caveat; today's teenagers are also just teenagers.  Their brains will not fully develop before the age of 23.  Yet, they are expected to behave as adults at 18.  Something, they simply are incapable of doing since their brains are underdeveloped.   I don't have statistics but I dare say there is a higher rate of depression and behaviors associated with it, such as cutting.  Today's children do not live in a very forgiving world.  And yes, even though they are in high school, they still need nurturing to some degree. 

I guess my problem with teaching is not the students but rather, the parents.  You see, parents have shifted the ills of their child onto the school system.  My child didn't pass because the teacher did not ____________________________.  You can fill in the blank.  Not every teacher is perfect, but I do believe a lot of us care.  We receive subpar salaries for the level of education we have, and many of us have 2nd and 3rd jobs just to keep up with the cost of living.  We don't sit on our laurels.  We often times work well into the evening and on the week-ends.  I tutor two times a week, just to help any student in my classes that need extra help, and it is unpaid.  And I am not the only teacher who does this.   I don't care if they are special needs or not.  I am willing to put forth the extra effort to make sure that child will be successful.  I also offer them a listening ear and support when they need it.

I would ask all parents to really consider this.  It is not the job of your children's teachers to raise them.  That has been given to you by their birthright.    We have them just a few short hours a day and they are with 5-6 different individuals, all with different backgrounds and philosophies.  Our goal is to offer your child an education.  It is not our job to teach them how to dress, what to eat, who to hang out with, or supervise them other than if it is a school activity.  Although we offer afterschool tutoring, it is ultimately your job to make sure your child studies or turns in their schoolwork in a timely manner.  I am teaching children who have an incredible high degree of learned helplessness -- they expect everything to be handed to them.  That is not how the world works!  But it appears from the shows that they watch that it is.  You see, even that reality show that is wasting your child's time, impacts their thought process. They are unable to distinguish the "reality" of television with the "reality" of life.  Everything looks easy; too easy! They are truly unable to distinguish right from wrong many times unless they experience it; a tough lesson to learn.

What I am proposing today, is that parents take back the responsibility that they signed on for when they decided to have children.  That they have dinner with their children, supervise who they hang out with and actually know where they are, make sure they do their homework and if they don't understand it, help them with it! And most importantly, spend time with them and talk to them! In other words, do your job!

This is not intended as a rant.  It is intended as a plea.  I look at these children everyday and wonder what the world will look like in twenty years.  Will they have acquired your inattention that you used to parent with?  Or will they be strong, responsible adults who raise their children with the same convictions you did, even though you went against society?  I propose you read the following.  It was given to me by my father when I had my first child.  It served me well.  My children are productive, happy and reasonably well-adjusted members of society, despite the advent of the Internet and social media.  I hope and pray that yours are as well.

I

 



My Oola Journey: From Fat to Fabulous

 

 

 I wrote my Oola plan this year and one area I chose to focus on was fitness. Awesome!  Except there's one little problem...life!  You see, sometimes life just gets in the way; out of town visitors, stress, working overtime -- they all contribute to our procrastination or lack of motivation or the excuse of the day.  I am ready to lose weight; it's just actually doing it that is the problem.

 

At church, a few of us began a new program called The Daniel Plan.  We are meeting weekly (accountability -- always good) and Bible study (a plus!).  I must confess upon starting the book I found it a little rigid.  I love the Scripture within but I know I would have difficulty with the plan.  It requires something I am clearly short of --time.  The food is delicious, as we sampled a hummus recipe, but I have not had time to cook as of late; another problem and more excuses. 

 

Last week, I decided to take things into my own hands; quite literally. Making excuses is easy.  However, I was feeling truly convicted in my spirit that God wants me to get healthier, and it's incredibly difficult for me to say "no" to Him -- in fact, for me, it's impossible.

 

 

 

You see, the Scripture verse 1 Corinthians 6:19 kept playing over and over in my head.  Our body is not our own and we need to take extremely good care of it if we are to be good stewards.    And so, I decided to just make some very small changes to see what would happen.

 

The first thing I did was to remove caffeine and sugar from my diet.  That was a tough one.  Working two jobs and running from 6:30 AM until sometimes 8:00 PM is difficult.  But, I felt that conviction.  So I began my detox from something that I dearly love -- coffee.  I've been a coffee drinker for over 35 years -- that's a long time for any mere mortal.  I easily drank 6-8 cups per day (if not more).  It was not even Starbucks fare; no, we're talking regular, old Folger's. 

 

I began last Friday, figuring I would have the week-end to get through the hardest part.  I had no side effects whatsoever.  Strange, since I have gotten off caffeine in the past and usually had a massive headache.  I slept easily for the first time in months and didn't wake up during the night AT ALL!  Here's the caveat -- I woke up with a massive headache.  Yes, I believe I was so saturated in caffeine (and sugar) that it took more than 24 hours to get out of my system.  I did not do much on Saturday, due to the migraine.  However, I knew it would not be easy and again, had that spirit of  renewed conviction and motivation.

 

Sunday, I felt great until I started to walk into my Bible study class.  I started to have back pain. By the time class was over, I was aching everywhere.  Flu?  It is rampant at our school but I took the flu shot.  I texted a friend I work with who had done a similar detox a few weeks before.  I asked if she had body aches while getting off caffeine -- she was a hardcore Starbucks drinker -- her answer?  YES!  I had never experienced body aches like that from caffeine withdrawal and although painful, felt even more convicted I was doing the right thing.

 

By Monday, the body aches were better but still there.  But now, I had to avoid the mailroom as there are frequently goodies in there.  I believe it was birthday cake.  So, there were two big sheet cakes to get past.  Let me tell you, cakes that size easily take ALL day to be eaten.  So while trying to dodge the food on the way to the Keurig to get hot water for my decaffeinated tea, I pretty much just had to use sheer willpower not to go for the cake.

 

Tuesday and Wednesday were great.  But then came Thursday -- you got it-- the Valentine's Day treats.  There in the mailroom was the biggest box of little pastries I have ever seen.  They did indeed look quite yummy but I knew that to get past the sugar, I had to just walk out.  They sat there all day too.

 

Yesterday was professional development day -- our breakfast?  Donuts -- my favorite!  Yet, I was not craving them and even took home a couple to my boys.   It also marked my first full week of being off caffeine and sugar.  I have not had any diet soft drinks either.  The results?  I am sleeping better, calmer, feel awesome, have more energy (some days are still tough), looser-fitting clothes (which is a great motivator) and have lost 6 pounds in the process.  Yes, it is almost hard to admit that I could consume so many calories just from those few items.  I am also eating several small meals/snacks per day.  I have either fruit, a 100 calorie bag of almonds for a snack or if I'm really craving sugar,a fruit bar which is pure fruit (45 calories).  I drink unsweetened vanilla almond milk, which I use for fruit smoothies in the morning.  I am not hungry nor am I craving the sweets.  I also drink lots of decaffeinated tea, water and water with Crystal Light.  Yes, one day I will try to get off artificial sweeteners but I can only do so much in a week! 

 

Now that I am off the caffeine and sugar,  I realize it is a place I don't want to go back to.  Some people ascribe to a "cheat" day but for me, my cheat would consist of something very sugary and I know what path that takes me down.  It is not one I wish to be on any longer.

 

As I continue this journey, I keep God in my heart and know that I am doing this not just for me, but for Him.  As you continue your own personal journey toward Oola, may you find that even with little ups and downs, it does not necessarily mean that we cannot achieve our dreams.  We just have to believe we can do it, step out in faith and take those first steps.  What we cannot handle, God surely will.

 



 

 

 



 

 



A Little Advice

 

Well, after being divorced for nearly a year, I decided it was time to take my friends' advice and think about dating again.   I have enjoyed my "alone" time but sometimes find myself craving the company of an adult; and not just of the female persuasion.  Sometimes I would like coffee and conversation with a real, live man.

Living in Las Vegas, it is incredibly difficult to meet someone.  My options are either hang out at casinos, nightclubs, bars or meet someone at work.  None of these options are acceptable to me.  First of all, I don't do casinos, nightclubs or bars.  I tend to lead a very sedate life  Meeting someone at work is a possibility but in thinking it through, it would be incredibly awkward if we actually had a romance and broke up.  And so, I did the unthinkable.  I signed up for online dating; at two sites, in fact.  One is marketed for the 50+ set, and the other, a more mainstream site.

I have been on the 50+ site for three weeks and can I just say, it is the ultimate nightmare!  So far, I have had offers from a man as old as 79 years of age, who apparently wants me to come help him with his 5-acre farm (I got news for him -- 5 acres isn't a farm!) to one who wrote me today just to tell me I had nothing to offer!  Wow! That's going above and beyond.  I have seen veterinarians who are looking for women who don't shave (sounds like they enjoy their profession just a little too much, and need to get a cat not a girlfriend; although the thought of not shaving was REALLY tempting!), and have talked to men who aren't "prejudiced" but took a gun down to the 'hood (their words) in an effort to defend their family.  Nice.

 I have chatted with several men I suspect are married (sometimes you have to trust your gut)  and those that have met married women online; their trust issues are even worse than mine!   I have also met a couple of men, who although seem reasonably normal, cannot be.  I mean, after meeting all these characters, what are the chances that there is actually someone who is?  All I can say is that after these three weeks, my ex is starting to look pretty darned good!  I used to think Vegas was abnormal; that the strip was somehow unique with its, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" attitude.  I am now learning that times have changed since 1979 and not for the better.  Las Vegas is merely a microcosm of what is out there; and it is not pretty!

Granted, I am no prize by the world's standards.  I have long standing trust issues and those may never be resolved.  I do not fit the standard of beauty in this country by any stretch.  I don't want a roll in the hay or to party.  No, I am looking for someone who is willing to develop a friendship and see where it goes from there.  That is not what the world wants.  The world wants sex first and then get to know one another.  That is one thing I am not willing to compromise. 

According to my marriage counselor, when a woman has sex with a man, she releases oxytocin and bonds instantly.  Men, this is for you, so listen carefully-- if you want a woman who wants to go from a coffee date to marriage almost immediately, go for the sex.  Women, if you want to never see his flaws (until after you're married, that is), give in and have sex early on - because they will never become evident to you; at least, not until you're ready to sign those divorce papers. 

God's plan for us is to refrain from sex outside of marriage.  It is for a very good reason.  It prevents hearts from being broken.  Once sex enters into a relationship, you are bound together physically, emotionally and spiritually.  However, if  the relationship does not work out, then your heart is torn apart.  In other words, a divorce of sorts.  Trust me, that is not an experience I would wish on anyone;  and is something I personally wish to never repeat. 

So tonight, I cancelled my membership on the 50+ website.  I revamped my criteria on the other one -- tightened my "wish list" up a bit.  I decided that I deserve more; I sold myself short on the first go around;  I am not so willing this time. 

I do not expect to find "true love" that everyone is advertising they want on the website.  I believe once you hit 50, your chances are probably slim to nil for finding love; however, I am the eternal dreamer and just once, would like to experience "real" love; the kind that I see in the eyes of people at my church who still have "that" look when they are with each other after 60 years of marriage.  But if the truth be told  I think if I find a friend to have coffee and conversation with, I will have hit the jackpot.  For me, the next person I am with needs to be hand-picked by God.  I no longer wish  to take matters into my own hands.  The last time turned out disastrously.   I am willing to take small steps toward reaching out and finding a man; however, I will not enter into a relationship without first praying about it.  If that sounds extreme, it is.  However, I also came out of an extremely bad marital situation and  refuse to find myself in that position again. 

For now, I am going to live my life and if someone happens along that wants to go for coffee and does not appear to have any particular fetishes, I will be more than happy for the conversation.  However, living my life means seeking God's will for my life, going to church and Bible study, going to work and writing.  It means spending long hours teaching and tutoring and nurturing children; being a role model that I pray will leave a lasting impact on their lives.  It is chasing after my dreams, sitting in front of the fireplace with my cat on my lap, and loving my kids and grandkids.  It is all things good.  If in the meantime, God sees fit to bless me with a man in my life, then great.  If not, I am just as happy to be alone and enjoy the simple pleasures that God has afforded me. 

 

A little advice -- from the heart.  You see, the bottom line is you don't need a man to make you happy or to define who you are.  You are a child of God.  He has given you the peace and happiness that comes from within; from knowing that He loves you first and foremost.  Anything else, is a gift from above; a treasure handpicked by Him. 

Blessings in Disguise

 

 

 

Yesterday, our pastor talked about blessings and in particular, the sermon on the Mount.  He quoted Matthew 5:3-- "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven"(NIV).  I don't know about you, but I've often read through this section of the Bible.  I've thought about it, pondered it, yet never could quite grasp what Jesus was saying; no surprise, since Jesus was God and of course, God's ways are not ours.  However, in the sermon, our pastor was able to sort out this passage like I never could.

 

How many of you have ever been in despair?  You suffered trials that you were certain you could never get through?   And yet, at the end of the day, not only did you survive but you thrived?  I'm certain we all have -- and if you're in the midst of a trial now, listen up for this is a message of hope for you!

 

"Blessed are the poor in spirit" is Jesus saying, "Hey you -- I know you are going through tough times!"  Perhaps, you're depressed,  a divorce, financial problems, family problems, health, addiction -- a situation that you just can't seem to handle.  I guess in a way, that's the bad news.  The good news is, "...theirs is the kingdom of heaven."   This is quite literally, the Good News.  You see, when you are broken in spirit, God is there.  He is in the midst.  I write of this often because I have been there.  I have been so broken I have been on my knees, praying for God to take away my pain.  I never EVER imagined being in a circumstance that was too great for me to handle; nor at the time,  did I ever imagine getting past the hurt I was feeling.  And yet, God WAS there.  He offered me hope and healing; through friends, church family, pastors, the Bible, Jesus -- all of these things and so much more.  Not a church kind of person?   There was a time when I wasn't either.  And yet, having a church family is crucial.  Many people think they can get by on the day to day. Yes, having Christ in your life is about relationship with Him but he also wants us to be in relationship with other believers.  We need to be unified as the Body of Christ.  Without unity, how can we be effective to help others?  How can we pray with them, lend a hand, or guide them to resources they may need, if we can't see beyond ourselves? 

 

And for those who think that God isn't there or that He doesn't care, think again.  In Genesis 32:22-30, Jacob quite literally wrestles with God.  He is with God and yet, he doesn't even recognize Him.  God was there and Jacob didn't even know it.  I think that's a perfect description of us when we are in the midst of a problem.  We are so focused on ourselves, that we fail to see God.  He has plans for us and yes, blessings will come as a result.  This is why we need to be grateful in all circumstances.  We also need patience and perseverance.  Trials make us stronger.  They should be viewed as gifts from God.  Why?  Because our Heavenly Father  is there.  How often can we say we are in the presence of the Holy One?  Even in death -- when a loved one is passing into the next life, don't think of it as the end, think of it as being on holy ground.  You are experiencing the holiest of situations; the transition from this life to the next. 

 

So, how do we know that God cares?  That He is with us?  That these trials are not just for His folly?  Jesus assures us of that..."Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven".  We are blessed even when we are broken because we are in the presence of our Abba-- He is there.  And yes, even during our darkest hours, we are in the kingdom of heaven.  He is with us.  Rest assured, beloved --there's no disguise in that.

Take a listen -- my gift to you today!  God bless you as you go through these trials in life....

http://youtu.be/PmcKWvOQZqY