Well, after being divorced for nearly a year, I decided it was time to take my friends' advice and think about dating again. I have enjoyed my "alone" time but sometimes find myself craving the company of an adult; and not just of the female persuasion. Sometimes I would like coffee and conversation with a real, live man.
Living in Las Vegas, it is incredibly difficult to meet someone. My options are either hang out at casinos, nightclubs, bars or meet someone at work. None of these options are acceptable to me. First of all, I don't do casinos, nightclubs or bars. I tend to lead a very sedate life Meeting someone at work is a possibility but in thinking it through, it would be incredibly awkward if we actually had a romance and broke up. And so, I did the unthinkable. I signed up for online dating; at two sites, in fact. One is marketed for the 50+ set, and the other, a more mainstream site.
I have been on the 50+ site for three weeks and can I just say, it is the ultimate nightmare! So far, I have had offers from a man as old as 79 years of age, who apparently wants me to come help him with his 5-acre farm (I got news for him -- 5 acres isn't a farm!) to one who wrote me today just to tell me I had nothing to offer! Wow! That's going above and beyond. I have seen veterinarians who are looking for women who don't shave (sounds like they enjoy their profession just a little too much, and need to get a cat not a girlfriend; although the thought of not shaving was REALLY tempting!), and have talked to men who aren't "prejudiced" but took a gun down to the 'hood (their words) in an effort to defend their family. Nice.
I have chatted with several men I suspect are married (sometimes you have to trust your gut) and those that have met married women online; their trust issues are even worse than mine! I have also met a couple of men, who although seem reasonably normal, cannot be. I mean, after meeting all these characters, what are the chances that there is actually someone who is? All I can say is that after these three weeks, my ex is starting to look pretty darned good! I used to think Vegas was abnormal; that the strip was somehow unique with its, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" attitude. I am now learning that times have changed since 1979 and not for the better. Las Vegas is merely a microcosm of what is out there; and it is not pretty!
Granted, I am no prize by the world's standards. I have long standing trust issues and those may never be resolved. I do not fit the standard of beauty in this country by any stretch. I don't want a roll in the hay or to party. No, I am looking for someone who is willing to develop a friendship and see where it goes from there. That is not what the world wants. The world wants sex first and then get to know one another. That is one thing I am not willing to compromise.
According to my marriage counselor, when a woman has sex with a man, she releases oxytocin and bonds instantly. Men, this is for you, so listen carefully-- if you want a woman who wants to go from a coffee date to marriage almost immediately, go for the sex. Women, if you want to never see his flaws (until after you're married, that is), give in and have sex early on - because they will never become evident to you; at least, not until you're ready to sign those divorce papers.
God's plan for us is to refrain from sex outside of marriage. It is for a very good reason. It prevents hearts from being broken. Once sex enters into a relationship, you are bound together physically, emotionally and spiritually. However, if the relationship does not work out, then your heart is torn apart. In other words, a divorce of sorts. Trust me, that is not an experience I would wish on anyone; and is something I personally wish to never repeat.
So tonight, I cancelled my membership on the 50+ website. I revamped my criteria on the other one -- tightened my "wish list" up a bit. I decided that I deserve more; I sold myself short on the first go around; I am not so willing this time.
I do not expect to find "true love" that everyone is advertising they want on the website. I believe once you hit 50, your chances are probably slim to nil for finding love; however, I am the eternal dreamer and just once, would like to experience "real" love; the kind that I see in the eyes of people at my church who still have "that" look when they are with each other after 60 years of marriage. But if the truth be told I think if I find a friend to have coffee and conversation with, I will have hit the jackpot. For me, the next person I am with needs to be hand-picked by God. I no longer wish to take matters into my own hands. The last time turned out disastrously. I am willing to take small steps toward reaching out and finding a man; however, I will not enter into a relationship without first praying about it. If that sounds extreme, it is. However, I also came out of an extremely bad marital situation and refuse to find myself in that position again.
For now, I am going to live my life and if someone happens along that wants to go for coffee and does not appear to have any particular fetishes, I will be more than happy for the conversation. However, living my life means seeking God's will for my life, going to church and Bible study, going to work and writing. It means spending long hours teaching and tutoring and nurturing children; being a role model that I pray will leave a lasting impact on their lives. It is chasing after my dreams, sitting in front of the fireplace with my cat on my lap, and loving my kids and grandkids. It is all things good. If in the meantime, God sees fit to bless me with a man in my life, then great. If not, I am just as happy to be alone and enjoy the simple pleasures that God has afforded me.
A little advice -- from the heart. You see, the bottom line is you don't need a man to make you happy or to define who you are. You are a child of God. He has given you the peace and happiness that comes from within; from knowing that He loves you first and foremost. Anything else, is a gift from above; a treasure handpicked by Him.
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