My Oola Journey: Fun? What’s That?

"He fills my life with good things." Psalm 103:5

As we go through this series about Oola, keep in mind that Oola is all about balance in your life.   For those of us who have trouble imagining what that looks like, the authors of the book, “Oola: Finding Balance in an Unbalanced World”, Drs. Dave Braun and Troy Amdahl, liken Oola to a wheel.  There is a hub, which is the center and your greatest strength.  It is what keeps you balanced; centered.  The remainder of the wheel is made up of “spokes”.  Each area of your life is represented by a spoke.  There are now six "spokes" left for me to talk about; family, friends, fitness, finance, field and fun. 

Today, I’m going to talk about fun.  I am not moving in any particular order of preference.  I say this, because anyone who knows me well, knows that family clearly comes before fun.  However, I was at a point in my life where fun had taken a backseat to the day-to-day.  And so, I want to talk about my journey back to learning how to have fun.

Many of you are probably thinking, “Why would ANYONE need to learn how to have fun?”   The truth of the matter is that after going through a devastating divorce, it is hard to want to do anything.  However, God clearly wants us to have fun.  1 Peter 1:6 states, "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials."  Yes, that definitely describes my former circumstances.  You see, even though God puts us through trials, he wants us to recover -- even move past that pain.  However, it does take work -- hard work-- to function again; even the mundane, such as going to the grocery store or work is a struggle.  Not only is it physically hard to motivate yourself to get out and do anything but mentally, having fun is quite difficult, as well.

About a month after my divorce, people started talking to me about having fun.  They suggested I join Match.com or just jump back in the saddle i.e.: go have sex with someone – anyone!  Clearly, these people did not know me very well.  First of all, my religious beliefs preclude me from having sex just for the sake of having sex.  Also, I was not interested in meeting anyone.  Not because I regretted my divorce or because I still had feelings for my ex.  It was merely because I did and still don’t feel like dating anyone.  I feel like I need time to recover and heal, as do our boys who are still living with me.  I do not need nor want emotional ties at this juncture.  It would take too much energy.  And what if I did meet someone and had a relationship with them and it didn’t work out?  That would mean another emotional upheaval.  Again, something I am not prepared for at this time in my life.  So what does one do?

A group of people from my old school suggested that we go out for happy hour.  I did that – once, twice.  Didn’t quite do it for me though – I’m not one who particularly likes drinking and eating crappy bar food.  But it was getting out  and I did enjoy meeting up with my friends!   Perhaps there was something to getting out again and mingling with others?

Next, I tried having coffee with a friend.  I did that for a few Fridays after work.  It was better.  I enjoyed the one on one time with a friend and also, much prefer coffee to alcohol and bar food.  I had a great time and no worries about getting home safely. 

Yet, despite all these valiant efforts, people were still suggesting I go out and have fun...date...get back into the saddle.  I’ve got to be honest.  The thought of meeting someone, even nine months post-divorce, makes me nauseous; let alone having a “real” date.  So, what is a single gal to do?   Although I love church, I certainly don’t want that to become my entire focus.  Yet, I know I have to be a better-rounded individual.

Well one evening, a friend who likewise prescribes to Oola, suggested I turn on a movie, pop some popcorn and throw some M & M’s in it.  Thought provoking.  Could a Redbox movie actually be fun?  I decided to give it a try.  So, I rented one and watched it with my kids.  We had the popcorn, too sans M & M’s.  Guess what?  It WAS fun!  It was nondescript yet just the medicine I needed.   So, for the next few Saturdays, that’s what I did…I rented a movie or two, popped some popcorn and watched it.  Hmmm, who would’ve thought sitting home and watching a movie could be fun?

A few weeks later, this same friend suggested I go see a movie at the theater.  Again, anyone who knows me well, knows that once the weather gets a little chilly, I am holed up in my house.  But this friend was adamant that this was a great movie.  I decided I could do it.  It was 45 degrees out – scarcely a chill in the air.  So, I took my 18-year-old son and went to see the movie.  Guess what?  It was a fantastic film…you know, the kind that you don’t even want to talk to anyone after you’ve seen it because it is so thought- provoking. 

The following week-end, a friend that I hadn’t seen in seventeen years came to town.  Now, we had FUN!  We ate out, went shopping and most importantly, laughed ALL week-end long.  It was EXACTLY what I needed.  When I returned to work the following Monday, I felt “normal” for the first time in over a year.  I did not feel like I was walking through sludge or that even the slightest thing was difficult to get through.  No, I felt like my old self again.  I had reached a turning point – a big one.  You see, I did not need a new man; rather, I needed some old-fashioned fun!    

I still experiment to discover,"What is fun to me?"   As I continue my Oola journey, I am learning so much about myself.  I am learning that fun can be many things, depending on my mood.  It can be something as simple as making a snow angel, taking a walk, or even watching a Redbox movie.  It can be travelling and visiting out of state children and grandchildren.  Yes, one day I may be ready to have fun as the world defines it – dating.  But even if I’m not, I continue on this journey called Oola to find myself and find balance in my life.  I am grateful for everything that this journey has to offer; my faith, family, friends, financial security, success in my field, getting physically fit and having fun.  Truth is, half the fun IS the journey!  So, go out and find your OolaFun.  You’ll find that every day’s an adventure to your new life!