So today I had a good reminder of how easy it is to slip into old habits. To look into the "rear-view" mirror of my life, if you will. One of the thing that Oola teaches is don't look back. Sometimes you hear things and it "clicks" right away; sounds good. However, putting it into practice can often times be so much more difficult.
Today, I did something that was pretty "un-Oola". I looked in that rear-view mirror. Now, rear-view mirrors have a saying on them -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear" -- the car manufacturers got that right! I looked in that mirror and you know what I saw? Lack of trust. Yes, that's a biggie for me and that is something that has been looming large for a long time. You see, my experiences in life have led me to a place of distrust. Something that is there but not reasonable to continue to look at -- Why? It's behind me. It looms large and is close to me. Yet, it is in my rear-view mirror.
Let's face it, if I'm a Christian, I have chosen to trust God. Yet, today my trust went flying out the window. What happened? I looked back. I didn't look ahead. If I looked forward you know what I'd see? A new view! Something wonderful -- exciting -- fun! Hills and curves -- things that I can't even comprehend that are waiting around the bend. And yet, I made a decision -- consciously or not -- to look behind. To see what I saw for years; those skeletons that were waving and saying, "Hey there....it's me! Where've you been, old friend?"
Truth is, those skeletons aren't my friends. They're scary and dirty and a shell of who I am now. I am so not what those skeletons represent. Yet, I allowed them to take over my thinking for just long enough to trip me up. I allowed them to creep back into my mind.
So, today I have vowed to look forward. I know on this journey I will take "missteps." It's bound to happen. I wouldn't be human if it didn't. But the best thing about looking back? I can see how far I've come. I am moving forward. I am working hard to become a different person. I may not be there yet, but I am getting there. Thank you, Oola for giving me something tangible that I can relate to -- that rearview mirror. When I look in it, I see a past that needs to stay behind me. My future is what lies ahead. If I stare in that mirror too long, I'm bound to crash. So, with the sun shining brightly in the window, it's God I choose to let be in that driver's seat. He will guide me; safely and on a road with far less bumps than I could ever hope to navigate by myself.
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