You know, it's interesting. God can surprise us in ways we cannot even comprehend. For well over a year, I had decided that when the time had come for me to meet someone that God would place them in my life. Sort of a movie scenario -- turn around and some amazing man and I would lock eyes. There he'd be to whisk me off my feet. Or a friend would introduce us and I'd be just bowled over by this incredible stranger. Even, maybe it was someone I knew and we both just realized that we had more than a friendship and the start of something great. I really am ever the romantic.
Instead, I find myself on a crazy dating site. Meeting men that were nice enough but certainly not "the one" for me. Frankly, I was looking for the casual--coffee and conversation; yet, even that seemed to be more than I could find. The men I met seemed so judgmental. As a result, I made a decision to close out all my accounts. As I was pulling the plug, I happened to get a note -- a "flirt", if you will. It said, "Let's chat." And so we did. That was a month ago, and we've been chatting ever since.
I have preached and preached about how important it is to guard your heart. And the truth is, I have been guarding mine. Keeping it hidden in a box and locked away. I didn't want the sting of rejection; I'd already had that. I didn't want anything more than a very casual date -- without sex -- from what I could tell, not what "the world" is seeking. I didn't want to like someone and then have them move on. The pain was still raw from my divorce; palpable. The memory of going through the process was too fresh.
Yet, there is a man. One who makes me laugh so hard, I can't breathe. A man who sends me texts every morning just to let me know he is thinking about me. A man with an incredible smile -- something I cannot resist. Pearly whites that light up a room? That will do it for me every time! And as an added bonus? Incredibly handsome. A man who has put up with my prying questions, demands and yes, even background checks. And yet, he's still there. He wants to meet me.
I had been resisting this romance. Yet, I found myself caring for him more and more with each phone call, which by the way, lasted for hours. Still, I was scared; scared to allow myself to care, scared to trust myself, scared to let my heart out of the box. What if I was hurt again? What if this person was not who he represented himself to be? "What if's" ran over and over in my head.
Monday and Tuesday, I was home sick. While sitting under a blanket in my 1980's mauve rocker -- a garage sale find -- I found myself mulling over this romance. I went so far as to write a friend about it. He told me (none too subtly) that, at first I was afraid of being alone -- and now that I had someone, I was on the road to a major self-sabotage. I thought about that analysis long and hard. Much as I hated to admit it, I knew he was right. I was so busy overthinking that I missed something very important. Do you know what it was? God had indeed placed this man in my life. You know what's even crazier? "My" scenario for how God would put this man in my life was right! You see, I did, in a proverbial sense, turn around and see him -- really see him for who he is; a kind, compassionate person -- romantic, spiritual and extremely funny. Oh, and he's a collections manager -- a little je ne sais quoi -- thank you, God! Yes, everything that I could possibly be looking for in a man and more.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is we do not think the way God thinks. Our imagination is very limited, while His is unlimited. Don't have expectations for anything -- because we don't know God's plans for us -- which are often times so much more wonderful than we can dare dream. We can guard our heart--but don't close it off, for in doing so, we can extinguish the flame. Most of all, we have to trust God. In other words, don't lean on our own understanding -- but rather, allow Him to make our paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-7) And as for the man in my life? All I know is that indeed, "God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 That's His promise to me, and for now -- all I need to know.
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