I did it -- the social experiment of a lifetime; I joined a dating website. The bigger question is, "Why did I sign up?" I promised myself, my sister and my children that I never would. Yet, I did so. Was I desperate? Not really. I was happy to be alone. Was I looking for the love of my life? Again, no. Far too soon after my divorce to want to be in a heavy relationship. What did I think I would gain? I figured at best, I would meet someone to call to go out for coffee or go check out the latest movie; a friend, confidante and/or someone to just "hang with". I ended up with way more than I bargained for.
My whole reason for signing on with a dating website was that it was on my bucket list. Yes, I decided I would get out of my comfort zone. That's it. I've heard of friends of friends who had done it, found the man of their dreams, married and lived happily ever after. It's not gone quite that smoothly for me. I've pretty much decided that either those folks were extremely lucky or they went through so many profiles that eventually they found someone; sort of like looking for a needle in a haystack. I personally, do not have that particular drive. Several dates later, I find that is just not the case.
First and foremost, I waited until I could hear the word "date" and not feel like throwing up before even thinking of signing on. That finally happened in January of this year. Yes, I thought perhaps I was indeed ready to date. And I did go on several dates. The problem is, many men are looking for more than conversation and coffee. And therein lies the problem; conflict between their views and mine. Or they want the perfect look, body, whatever. I am 54 years old. Perfect doesn't exist in my world. In fact, it never did. I have many fine qualities, but I am not loaded up with silicone or botox. I happen to think that's a plus -- but apparently not in the LVNV!
So ladies, just in case you are thinking of getting on a dating site, let me just offer you a little food for thought. First of all, if it sounds too good to be true, it is. Rarely, does a man fall hard for a woman just by a picture. Any picture that looks like it was done in front of a green screen is probably not legit. If a man says he's a widower and asks for your e-mail and phone number, beware. I'm not sure what is the connection but apparently, it's a bad sign. Do not talk via instant messenger only. You need a real phone conversation prior to meeting. Much can be gleaned from hearing how a person speaks. If it is a long distance relationship, be sure to Skype to make sure you are not involved in a catfishing scam. Don't be afraid to tell a man you are going to run a background check and that you are going to need a picture of his driver's license. Yes, it sounds like a lot. However, just go on your registered sex offender website and see how many "normal" looking men are on there. It's a little frightening, actually.
When meeting someone, be sure to do so in a public place. Let someone know who you are with. Either text them his driver's license or print off the profile from the website. And make sure the gentleman you are with knows that your friends have this information. This is for your own protection. Yes, we live in a very scary world.
Having said all that and at the risk of sounding like your mother, I will say this. I think there are some really genuine men out there. And the men who are, will patiently put up with your demands. Most men, particularly in my age group, have their fair share of baggage. Let's be honest; we all do. It's a matter of what you can or cannot live with. I know people who have been married over my "two time" limit and found that the third, fourth or even fifth time's the charm. I still believe in love and all that goes with it. God made us as people who desire to be in relationships. However, I personally, do not find I have to be in one to be happy. It is okay to be single and hang out with girlfriends.
Will I continue looking on the Internet for that one true love? I'm on the fence. One part of me says, "Sure, why not?" The other part of me says, "Are you serious?" Yet, I live in Las Vegas, don't do clubs or bars, which makes it really hard to meet people of the opposite sex. I'm not sure how this "social experiment" will end. I do know that if I put God first, everything else will fall very nicely into place.
No comments:
Post a Comment