Moving Forward: Forgiveness



"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."  Matthew 6:14

March 21st marked the one year anniversary of my divorce.  I have sort of been a mess this week-end; crying intermittently.  I'm not sure why.  I am happy with my life.  According to people I know, I look better than I ever did.  So, why do I feel the way I do? 

Divorce is hard.  It is not for the faint of heart.  God sets out some very stringent guidelines for a divorce to take place.  Either one of the partners steps out in adultery or a non-believer walks away.   That's it.  My marriage met the criteria but still, there is a sense of loss. 

Most people who I saw and told about the anniversary "high-fived" me on Friday.  Congratulations were to be given.  I had survived that crucial first year.  I went on a date; didn't realize it was the anniversary of my divorce when I set it up but there it was.  It was an OK date.  Found myself shedding a tear or two during the movie, "God's not Dead".  Not sure if it was necessarily the movie or just me.  I tend to think it was me 

Part of this process of moving forward has been to forgive my ex.  It's hard to do.  I know that I have forgiven much but so hard to forget.  I overanalyze by nature.  I don't understand the things that went on in our marriage.  I want to.  I don't understand how I could have stayed so long.  I want to.  I don't understand how I even ended up where I am today.  I want to.

I do know that forgiveness is the key to a new life   Jesus tells us to forgive.  He forgave those who mocked and tortured him.  He is our example.  It took me a long time to figure out that in order to heal we have to forgive.  I came to this realization about 20 years ago.  Healing takes time.  Forgiveness takes time.  It is possible to survive but you have to read Scripture and understand the power of forgiveness.  We don't forgive the person who has done wrong for them; rather we forgive them for us.  The power of forgiveness sets us free. 

As I pray tonight and continue to ask for God's healing of my heart and forgiveness of others, I also will ask that they too will forgive me.  I know I am not blameless.  I accept responsibility for my part in the ending of this marriage.  I have been given a fresh start.  It is because of God's forgiveness that I am able to move forward.  I am not who I was 32 years ago.  Nowhere close to that person.  It is because of Christ that I am who I am today; forgiven and free.