Some days, I feel like I have been pigeon-holed into the role of victim. Divorce, bankruptcy, dysfunctional life in general; need I go on? And yet, my life today is so much different than it was just three years ago. I have become an accomplished teacher and writer. I am a mother, grandmother and part of a couple. I am loved; not just by God but by my children and grandchildren and now, fiancé. They are all sources of my happiness.
So, how do I get past this role? It's a little hard because it is all these experiences who made me who I am. Yet, they don't define me. They are merely conduits that led me to reinvent myself; to become a better version of me. Sometimes you need a defining moment. Mine was when my husband of thirty-one years told me our relationship was "superficial". It was the impetus I needed to move on and ultimately, change who I had become; a depressed 50-something who could not see the forest for the trees.
Many people are of the thought that you can't change when you are older. WRONG! People CAN change. However, it takes a LOT of work. Not just self-analysis but sometimes, the help of a counselor. For me, it has taken every bit of the past three years. I have had to learn who I am, why I had such poor self-esteem, zero self-love, what attachment/relationships look like to me, et cetera. Many people are simply not interested in going through the process. They are okay with who they are. But for me, I knew that I could never be the best I could become unless I went through some sort of counseling.
But this story is not all about me. It's also about the people you meet on the journey. For me, some of my heroes were people I met along the way. Colleagues, pastors, friends, people I met on Twitter and even, men I dated. You never know who is going to be on this journey with you. Their part in your story may be very short or long-term. I never, ever expected my life would turn out the way it has but am thankful for all the people that have been a part of it.
For those interested in change, listen to others very carefully. Sometimes they see things in you that you cannot see; they say things without even thinking of the impact it will have on you. Visit with a counselor, friend or spiritual advisor. Even people you casually meet. They all have something to say and trust me, they will share. These words may be coming from them but who is the real source? For me, I found that it was often-times, God. He was speaking to me through them. Once I allowed myself to actually hear what they were saying? I could embrace changing.
And so, now I see myself with new eyes. I thank God for all those people who were in my past. Good, bad or otherwise, they forced me to change and to become the best I could be. I am still a work in progress but I'm getting there. For those of you contemplating change but don't think it's possible...think again. It takes courage, an open heart and lots of chutzpah. It also takes a belief in one's self. Sometimes, it's that change you never thought possible or even wanted to make, that makes living the life you dreamed of, possible. Move forward...dream your dreams...and live your best life!
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