I usually spend the first part of the year reflecting on the previous year. After all, how can I improve myself if I have no goals or direction? I have to say, in terms of personal growth, this past year was crazy amazing! There were, of course, many ups and downs.
Most of you know the "downs" which were the pitfalls of dating -- especially for one who hasn't dated since 1979. Yes, it was a difficult transition to move into the 21st century -- especially with the advent of online dating. But I managed to get over the humps; and frankly, although my ego took a bruising the first couple of months, managed not to take myself and others so seriously. After all, I was not looking for that forever partner -- at least, not yet. And he, by no stretch, appeared. So, I would say, that chapter is closed for now.
The ups were the strides I have made personally. I have spent the last year with a Christian counselor. He has helped me work through some critical issues; self-worth being one of them. I also met a gentleman through the online dating that was also instrumental in understanding myself. One of the things we talked about was how we are to love one another from a Christian perspective. He pointed out this Bible verse as an example. " The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Mark 12:31. Jesus says this is one of the most important commandments.
I never really understood this verse until this gentleman and I had a conversation about it. He asked me, "How can you love others if you don't love yourself?" Good question. Could I? Although I am a Christian, I never really thought much about this verse. Love others as you love yourself; pretty simple and straight-forward. But what if you don't love yourself? Are you capable of loving others? And therein began my journey toward more self-discovery.
By the way, my answer to the question? No. In fact, it made me realize that I could never love anyone in a deep relationship until I was able to love myself. AND that too, contributed to the downfall of my marriage. The truth is, I was not marriage material at the time I got married. I did not love my husband the way a wife is supposed to love her spouse. There were other contributing factors but this was definitely a huge one. And so, I take responsibility for that painful truth.
I also learned that we cannot change the way others feel about a situation; nor should we try. Everyone is allowed their own opinions and feelings. I've always wanted to have others agree with me. Why? I have no idea. The truth, as I now see it, we can co-exist with differing opinions. Perhaps I just like to have that storybook ending where we are all on the same page and it says, "The End." I'll have to take it up with my counselor (or Walt Disney). Bottom line, we can agree to disagree -- the end.
Another newsflash? Not everyone has to like me! Yes, the people pleaser in me is dissipating. Early in the dating game, I struggled with others not liking how I looked or even my personality. That was hard. How can someone not like me? I'm a decent person; even willing to go that extra mile. Yet, there are folks that are looking for someone different...not me! Guess what? I am still an okay person in spite of it! Yes, at the end of the day, if someone doesn't like me for how I look or act? I'd rather know early on than try to fit a square peg into a round hole. And it is not a reflection of who I am; rather, it is just a different preference.
So, here I am -- nearly 2 years post-divorce -- and making really great strides. It has taken time, effort and yes, some money invested in myself. But I believe it has been well worth it. For those of you that are struggling with self-worth issues and coming out of a relationship, take the time to understand yourself better. Get to know God and who He is in your life. Is He in your life? I encourage reaching out to the One who created you. I also advise getting a good counselor. It may not be the first counselor you meet with, either. I have met with a couple of different ones. The one I am seeing now has helped me understand myself better but more importantly, learn more about relationships and what a good one looks like-- after all, it is hard to be in one if you don't even know how to define it or what your role is within it. And even if you are dating, whoever you meet was put in your life for a reason. It may not be marriage but rather, just one more step in your journey to finding yourself. I have met many men who have offered incredible advice and insight into who I am on my life journey. They are here for a reason and a season.
I encourage each of you to take an inventory of your life. Where are you? Where do you want to be? If those two things are not congruent, it is time to take action and move toward the person God created you to be. Give yourself that opportunity to grow and become the best you can be. Here's to 2015 -- may it be your best year yet!
Note: So my granddaughter and every other girl of 2014, loved this song...I decided to really listen to it one day - and said, "Thank you , Disney for finally creating a world of princesses who didn't wait for their prince to complete them!" For those who grew up in the 1960's and earlier -- you'll understand what I'm saying!
"Let it Go" by Idina Menzel
http://youtu.be/L0MK7qz13bU
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