It's kind of amazing -- that God can truly heal us. I know, because I've been there. I have been down and at times, life does hit me hard. And yet, with God, I am strong.
Not too long ago, a male friend reminded me of how much healing I have to do. Yes, I have more healing to do but what he was missing is how much healing I've already done. I told him, you may have muscles on the outside but I have muscles on the inside. I have what he couldn't see...inner strength.
I have been through much in my life and continue to go through trials. God never promised us a life free of hardship. He does, however, promise to be there. He is there and He walks with me. He sends people my way to care for me. He has done more for me than any man I have met ever could.
This week I went through some particularly difficult challenges. I am not going to discuss them in order to protect this person's privacy. Suffice it to say, it caused everyone involved much pain. However, despite the situation, it taught me something new. It made me realize, I cannot be all things to all people. A valuable lesson for someone who has been a "giver" all of their life. There are sometimes when we just have to say, "I've done all that is humanly possible." It's difficult for someone like me to say that -- even harder to let go. But when life becomes such that it begins to interfere with your mental state, happiness, job, and family life, it is time to just let it go. I used to be annoyed when friends or family would suggest that to me. I think I am healing enough that I realize it's true. They told me to let go because they loved me; more than I loved myself. I couldn't see it because I chose to put another person before myself.
Healing is not easy. I don't believe seeing a counselor is the only way to heal; for me, it is part of the process. How has counseling helped me? I have learned there are various ways we attach to others based upon how much we trust and how much we feel we deserve to be loved. I do not have what would be considered healthy attachments. Whereas I used to be anxious about another person's feelings towards me, I am moving away from that. Currently, I am at the break it off fast stage but with some components of the anxiety stage. I want to move away from a person before I get hurt. I am learning that relationships should take time. They take effort. This is why Internet dating is a "dangerous" place for me. Men on the Internet move very quickly. It is not like the good "old" days where you have a drink and get to know a person. No, you are thrown into a social media situation where everything is instantaneous -- even romance, love and sex. So, I moved away from all of that; a good move, in my opinion.
But, there are also other ways to heal. For me, it is my faith in God that has healed me more than any counselor could. He has brought people in and out of my life that have all served a purpose. I personally believe if you have a deep and abiding faith, He will send you some incredible friends. They are there for a reason, and over time, you discover their purpose. This is part of God's plan for you. You know these people are from God if they have a positive message and are able to help you find yourself and heal. They will also serve to fill in the areas where you have deficits. For instance, I have met people who have helped me with life plans, budgets, spiritual, physical and other needs. As time goes on, I see where everyone has a place and a purpose in my life. I am also now wise enough to understand that not everyone deserves a place in my life. Sometimes we are blessed to have a mate and other times, we are equally blessed to have amazing friends. Right now, I am blessed with the latter.
And so, I am healing. I am learning that it's ok for my life to revolve around me--that I can be just a little bit selfish in order to be happy. I do not have to please everyone -- I will never be able to be all things to all people. This is a new concept and hard for me to wrap my brain around.
I have discovered, I am incredibly strong. It is one of my best qualities and I thank God for giving it to me. My inner muscles are flexing. One day I will have it all together or at least, be close. I am on this journey for the long haul and in a place of peace. Despite the challenges I have been through, I am grateful for they have all served a purpose in making me the person I am today.
If you are facing struggles, I encourage you to seek wise counsel; whether it be with clergy, a counselor or both. As you walk through life, you will find that it is not perfect but it can be amazing! At times, the road is rough, but you will eventually come to a place of peace. Hold tight to your faith. God is present. I am not healed completely but I am, in my opinion, well on my way. I know where I was and where I am. I no longer care what others think of me, except for those who matter in my life. As time goes on, you will find your inner circle of friends shrinking. That's a good thing. Those are the people who love you and accept you for who you are; they do not want anything from you other than your happiness. Those are the ones who love you.
I live with faith and that guides my footsteps. Love yourself as God loves you. You are worth it. More importantly, love God. He shines light in the darkness. Even under the proverbial blankets, where we all want to hide. It's time to get out of your hiding place and let His light shine in us and through us.
14 “You are like light for the whole world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. 15 No one lights a lamp and puts it under a bowl; instead it is put on the lampstand, where it gives light for everyone in the house. 16 In the same way your light must shine before people, so that they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16 (GNT)
"Light of the Earth" from Godspell:
http://youtu.be/ivBFmfvSTS8
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