Friday I took the day off. A "mental health" day -- just so you know, teachers do take those every once in awhile. This past week was one that just felt long. Only six days until spring break, yet I needed time to just "chill". I had spent a lot of time crying throughout the week; always a sign of just being plain old tired. Working two jobs tends to take its toll, as does a long stretch between Christmas and spring break. Yes, I needed that day off. I had a flex day and if I didn't use it, I would lose it. We only have five weeks after spring break left in the year; very hectic and difficult to take time off. And so, with nary so much as a twinge of guilt, this teacher played "hooky".
This week was the first time since my divorce that I felt scared. I felt as if I had lost my footing. I have been self-analyzing and overthinking myself to death. I have been second-guessing myself because I have been listening to other people. People who really didn't matter in my life. I was trying to fit the mold of what I thought I should be, rather than just be me.
Truth is, there's nothing wrong with me. It's society's view that's the problem. No, I am not tall, lanky and all things that a super-model should be. I've always fallen into the trap of insecurity dictated by men's reactions to me. I refuse to do that anymore. I'm short, curvy and have curly hair. It's how God made me and I'm certain that I'm beautiful; maybe not by society's definition but by God's definition. And frankly, God means a whole lot more to me than society in general.
It's taken me a long time to get here. I am at a new place of confidence and peace. It is through the love of friends and family that have helped me get here. Most importantly, it is through the grace of God. He placed people in my life that made me realize I'm worth so much more than I've been made to believe over the years.
God taught me a lot this week. I learned that working too hard is not good. I also learned that playing too hard is not good. I learned to only listen to those who matter in my life. I learned to live life and let God take care of the rest; those things I don't understand. After all, sometimes we don't have to understand everything. It's called faith.
I encourage all of you that as you journey with the Lord, that you take some time and reflect on the obstacles in your life. Then, let God remove them. It requires reading your Bible, praying and most of all, let other Christians in your life know of your struggles. They are put in our path for a reason They are God's way of reaching down to us and letting us know that He is with us and that He cares. The good news is God is with us. He knows our hearts. He works all things out according to his plan and purpose -- if only we allow Him.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10 (NIV)
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