Happy Valentine's Day!

Well, I know it's not quite Valentine's Day but when I saw this, it made me think of it.  Two hearts intertwined...coffee...the saying, "A Shared Journey..."  All very sweet, but what's the reality?
How many of you actually have plans for Valentine's Day?  I don't.  Shocking, I know!  But as I think about it, am I really bothered by the prospect of not having a special date with a very special man this Valentine's Day?

Honestly, no.  I know that sounds harsh, but the truth is, I've spent the last year dating and meeting men; all kinds!  I've thought about marriage and relationships and I've found, that I'm not really ready for marriage or anything close to it.  I'd like to think I am but when I think of the reality of sharing my life with someone again?  No way! 

I guess many might be asking, "Why wouldn't you want someone in your life?"  Ah, that's not what I said.  I said I wasn't ready for marriage.  I might be able to handle a relationship but it has come to my attention, that I break them off very quickly.  The reason?  Not because the man is necessarily at fault but because I'm scared.  It's the anxiety of finding "Mr. Wrong" combined with trust issues.  Folks, getting hitched is way easier than getting un-hitched.  Divorce is not something I ever wish to repeat.  And so, even as the years pass -- rather quickly, I might add -- I have no desire to rush into a serious relationship.

Now, in theory, that all sounds well and good.  The reality is a little harder.  You see, with being alone comes loneliness.  I'm ok with being alone as long as I'm busy; writing, cleaning, doing the day-to-day, work...but if I am bored -- watch out!  I find myself hating the quiet and stillness.  As a result, I work until I can barely move.  I haven't learned how to be single and just "be". 

I love the Bible verse Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I AM God..."  I love it because it speaks to my heart.  Because for me, it is very hard to be still.  It is incredibly difficult to just read the Bible and listen for His voice.  Why is that?  I don't know.  I believe it is the way I am hard-wired in my brain.  Not that I don't want to be nearer to God but sitting still, reading and listening ...waiting for His voice.  I'm sure it's a spiritual practice but it is hard to do!

On the other hand, I am not someone who does things just for the sake of doing them.  For instance, I will not shop unless there is an absolute necessity for my doing so.  I have to actually have a "need" for something.  Someone asked me the other day if I invite girlfriends to go shopping.  I don't think I've done that since high school.  And then I started wondering, why is that?  I used to enjoy it...why don't I do it anymore?  Probably because I don't shop!  And when I do, I keep it to a minimum as I do not really like milling around shopping malls; and I hate it even more during the holiday season!  So, what I deem as frivolous and unimportant, is merely a time-waster.  Is there anything in-between work-to-exhaustion and shop-til-you-drop?   For me, I'm not sure.

So getting back to Valentine's Day --- if you have a honey, I commend you.  Enjoy yourself!  It's all about the love.  If you don't, don't sweat it.  Rent a "chick flick", pop some popcorn and enjoy the evening.  I personally think it's one of those holidays that are overrated but then again, I never had a "real" valentine.  Perhaps one day, I'll be blessed and have a change of heart.

A gift for all you lovers out there.. Happy Valentine's Day!

Adele "Lovesong"

http://youtu.be/buG0HCAFy3s