Today marks a day in my personal history. That is, the day that all Internet dating has ceased once and for all. Yeah, it's over. I've given up on my quest for love. The fallout from internet dating far surpasses the benefits at this point. And so, the last of my accounts are closed. It's safe to say, I won't go back. Ladies, this is for you. If I can save you a lot of time, headache and trouble, then this last year will have been worth it. By the way, this is a gross over-generalization and written tongue-in-cheek. In other words, keep your shorts on, fellas!
You see, I'm from the past. I'm from the era where you actually meet someone face-to-face, strike up a conversation, exchange phone numbers and talk. You may meet up at a later time for that first date or maybe not. It is slow and simple. In the old days, it was much easier to catch what we called a "Casanova". In today's lingo -- a player.
The world of Internet dating is from the future. It is this sort of hurry-up kind of place where you meet someone, learn the most basic of information about them and go from there. Except, they could live out of state or cross-country. Let's face it -- they could say they have three kids but do you know that to be true? Have you seen them? Have you even heard the sound of their voice or seen those subtle body language cues that are oh-so-important, such as looking in your eyes instead of at another girl's bum when talking to you. Think I am joking? How I wish I were...
Some people have had a lot of luck meeting the love of their life online; and I'm not being facetious. I don't think I understand it; perhaps I am naïve but I don't how to get from point A to point B, let alone get married. Part of it is luck. Part of it is understanding the nuances of Internet dating. Part of it is just understanding men. I don't think I understand any of these.
I know I share too much of myself. It is, unfortunately, who I am. I want whoever is involved with me to understand that I am one hell of a complex person. BUT, if they can get past that, they are going to get the golden ring -- most can't stomach it. They want easy not forever. And I don't mean easy as in s*e*x but rather, a more superficial relationship. Hmmm, maybe I do mean sex?
Many men thought I was crazy -- I wasn't. I was something that is rare in this day and age -- truthful and painfully honest about myself. Unfortunately, no one wants to hear that. Men want the sugar-coated version. At 50-something, I find there is no way to sugar-coat your past, and you shouldn't have to; you are who you are -- and it's not bad! It is just a culmination of different experiences. Remember that!
I also find, I'm young at heart and the 57-60+ age group is too old for me. Yes, it's true. I am a crazy, fun person and yet, I'm meeting guys who have poor health, fallen arches or a perpetual scowl. Sorry but, that just won't do. I am a highly intelligent and witty woman who loves to smile. If men in my age group can't keep up with me, I have to ratchet it up a notch and move down an age group. However, that poses yet another problem. Because, what 40-something wants to be with a 50-something -- with the exception of Hugh Jackman, who in my eyes is a hero. To them, I'm like their aunt Lottie. Date a 50-something? Not on your life -- they're looking for the 20-something!
Another problem? Pictures. Yes, I tried very hard to put my most recent pictures on my profile. I think those within the last year is fair. Yet, guys wanted more. A full body view. Meanwhile, men are posting 10-15 year old pics. A word here, if I may-- faded pics are a sure sign they are old! And way more than 5 years. Just sayin'....
I have also been straight up and told men, if you don't like curvy women, you don't want me. I have even gone so far as to use words like "Rubenesque" and "plus-sized". However, for those that needed more than the verbal and visual cues, I was quick to point out I need to lose 50 pounds. Now, I don't know about you but to me, telling someone I need to lose 50 pounds is exceedingly straight-forward. Honest. And really? I think, says it all! So, why did they act surprised when they saw me? It's not like I didn't forewarn them! Furthermore, these were the very men who assured me they didn't care about the physical...until they saw me...and then, it became an issue. And it put one more chink in my already, somewhat banged-up armor. Fortunately, I am a tough-old-broad and have learned to develop a thick skin. But today I am saying it -- enough is enough!
You see, when a man smiles at me and looks like a jack-o-lantern or has the physique of one whose middle-aged paunch and bald head screams, "too little testosterone", please don't proceed to tell me how "hot" I need to look. Ladies, if he could get the "hot" chick, I guarantee you, he would be with her! What men are getting with me is quality. A class act. Educated, funny, faith-filled and fun to be with -- more fun than the "hottie". And do I dare say it? One whose age and experience can be a definite plus. Trust me -- if a man is looking at her while being with me-- other men are going to be looking at her while she's with him. So, a word to the wise --be careful what you wish for...you might just get it!
Furthermore, when I say to a man you are not getting sex on a first date then I would hope he would hear that because it is the truth! I don't expect to have to fight a man off after he has spent the evening telling me how he wants someone else...a "hot" chick. I may be fat but my self-esteem is quite intact, no thanks to him-- and I definitely don't need sex or a man to affirm the person I know I am. So ladies, a word of caution. Don't let a man define who you are...you define who you are first, then seek a man who fits your definition of someone who is worth having.
So ladies, there it is...the hard truth about Internet dating. I wish I had something more positive to report. How about this? It has been a crazy, whirlwind year but now, it is time for a return to sanity and normalcy that real life provides. If you're looking for some excitement and meeting lots of new people, do it. But do so with the knowledge that the chances of meeting "Mr. Right" are about the same as meeting "Mr. Cheapskate", "Mr. Serial-Cheater", "Mr. Married Man", and "Mr. Psycho". I live in Las Vegas, and not even I like those odds!
"Let's Do It" by Kim Basinger
http://youtu.be/hQdnPxWu7zQ
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