Men and Wine

I have to admit -- when I met my husband, I did not know he was as old as he was.   I seemed to recall writing in a maximum age of 63 on the online dating site profile; turns out, he was 67.  Twelve years older than myself.  Not what I had envisioned.  Yet, he was a youthful-looking man, and I swore he didn't look a day over 60.  I was scared, but continued to date him.  He was fun and charming.  What was the harm?  After all, I wasn't looking for a lifetime partner. We had a series of ups and downs that first summer.  The first of many break-ups.  I was not ready for him.

Fast forward 10 months.  Things were getting serious.  He bought a ring for me.  Not just that, he went back to work so he could buy a ring for me.  I still didn't really want to get married but said "Yes" to the proposal.  Why?  I'm not even sure why...I just knew that I couldn't say "No."

Three months later, I moved in with him.  He said it would save me money.  Besides, I was over so often, "Why not?"  Why not, indeed.  I could save money by moving in but it was a rocky time.  We had many fights.  I was scared.  I didn't want to be here.  Too little space -- he owned a one-story home while I had never lived in anything but a two-story for most of my life.  His home was bigger, yet I felt claustrophobic at times.

A year passed.  Then, one day, while driving home, I saw the garbage cans sitting outside.  It was a familiar sight and one that signaled home.  It showed me love.  I felt love; something that I hadn't ever really felt before -- and suddenly, I knew.  He was the man for me.

A few weeks later, I thought about our relationship.  Where were we going?  Did I really just want to be a live-in?  Is it possible that I could want to really marry this man?  I had said I would but would I really do it?  In the past two years, I had looked for a thousand excuses to leave.  I decided that I didn't want that kind of relationship.  I loved him and wanted to marry him.  We set a date.  We planned.  And then, things went horribly awry.

Shortly before the wedding he became ill; seriously ill.  And I again, questioned the age difference.  Did I really want to marry someone who could be chronically ill or die?  I played this question over and over in my mind.  And then he went to the hospital a second time, and I thought he was going to die.  And I started crying.  I didn't want to lose him.

So, how does one go from casual dating to this is the man I will love and cherish forever, even when he is ill?  I'll tell you how.  This is the secret of marrying an older man.

An older man opens car doors for you.  He takes the extra time to walk around the car for you.  An older man will tell you how gorgeous you are; he appreciates every stretch mark, wrinkle and gray hair you may have.  Whereas I dated men in their 50's, they seemed to be hypercritical -- apparently, I was not thin enough for their taste.  On the other hand, this man describes me as comfortable.  He loves my body and is not shy about showing or telling me such things.  During 

the summer months, he fixes my coffee.  He does not look like an Adonis, nor does he need to.  He has sparkling blue eyes, gray hair and wrinkles.  He is real.  He has lived a lifetime and is willing to let me live mine as I see fit.   He loves an independent woman. He snuggles and recognizes that life is short, having lost his last wife at my age.  He is a consummate gentleman and yet, he can be bawdy and funny -- making me laugh until I cry!  

Yet, most women pine for a younger man.  A young man may look better but they do not have the experience or wisdom to understand what a woman longs for.  A woman longs for a mate -- one who will cherish her as she is...and not look for younger, thinner or better looking.  A woman longs for a man who will provide for her and make her feel safe.  A woman longs for a man to look at her in a way that shows he loves her -- you can see it in the eyes.  A woman wants a man who is thrilled to have her and does not look any further.  I have that man.

I almost missed it.  I almost missed seeing that an older gentleman is a treasure and not a liability.  I almost missed having the love I always dreamed of, thinking about all the "what-ifs?"  I almost missed being with an incredible smile, who makes me laugh at ourselves and our silly, stupid love.  I almost missed out...

It's often been said that women and wine get better with age.  Truth be told, I think it's the same with men.  An older man (or a very mature younger man) can make the difference between "coffee and a movie" kind of relationship or someone who remains in your heart forever.  I chose  the path less traveled...I chose the latter.