Today was an interesting day. It was the first time in my life I said good-bye to not one man but two. God put on my heart that they were not the ones chosen for me. God is healing me. In my previous life, I would have just gone with the flow. I would have kept a boyfriend because it made me feel good to have someone calling me and I didn't want to be alone on a Saturday night. That was the "old" me. Today I am listening to God; what He lays on my heart. He knows best. Discernment. Being still enough to listen to what he wants for me. (Psalm 46:10)
Life as a single has been, at times, overwhelming. I don't do relationships well. I don't know what is expected on a date. I struggle with trusting another person. I think that happens if you've been in a relationship where someone pretends to care in order to get your money. I'd heard of such things but I never thought it would happen to me. I thought I was too smart and that I would see it coming. The truth is, I am smart. But I gave my trust to someone instead of something. That something is God.
We have to be willing to listen to our gut. If something doesn't sound or feel right, it probably isn't. The one man I broke it off with was incredibly attractive to me. I knew the possibility of us becoming closer was very real. Yet, I cut it off. Not because he was a bad person but because I knew that we were diametrically opposed on some very important issues regarding God. I thought we could work through those but I realized that would most likely not happen. Did I end it prematurely? Maybe. But I really don't want my heart broken again, and I will do whatever it takes to avoid it.
So now, there is no one in my life. No phone calls. No dates. And I have to be okay with that. I need to find other outside interests. I do have a class coming up on a survey of the Bible, and frankly, am looking incredibly forward to that. I am planning to sign up for a yoga class and yes, I have my usual extra job and Sunday morning ritual of Bible study and church. My Saturdays are sacrosanct and no one had better call me before 10 AM. I like to sleep late and have my home-brewed cappuccinos with, as a friend calls it, a little love (cinnamon) on top. I also enjoy writing -- what else? Blogs!
And so, there you have it. A great life plan. A single woman able to do exactly what she wants, when she wants to do it. My life is my own. My time is my own. I cannot guarantee that I will not have loneliness but as they said in Bible study the other day, a bad marriage does not assuage loneliness. In fact, being lonely in a marriage is worse than just being lonely and alone. That is, something I can attest to first-hand.
So ladies (and gentlemen), allow God to be first in your life. Allow Him to do a work in yours. For when we look to God, all other things fall into place. That is, an undeniable truth.
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