I must confess, starting out a marriage with a husband who is ill is not ideal. Although he is older than me, I walked right through that open door. I figured we'd have AT LEAST ten years or more before we started suffering ill health. Not so -- one of the reasons I say, "Live each day to the fullest!" You are not guaranteed a year, a month, a day.
So as we were comparing notes yesterday, we were both saying, "I'm tired." Unusual since we are getting a great rest without work and lots of playtime. Yet, we are both exhausted. And then it hit us...emotional stress. It is the toll of the uncertainty of his illness.
So, we did what most people with stress would do...we exercised. Worked the shit out of ourselves. You see, exercise releases those endorphins that make you smile again. In fact, we had a great day. After exercise, I floated in the pool and read for an hour or so. It's almost like being in the womb again for me...incredibly calming.
Today was a typical day -- lots of errands to run. Except when your husband can't drive (and hates the way you drive) it can become a much dreaded chore. In fact, some of our worst fights have been after car trips. And so, today we drove across Vegas -- Henderson to Summerlin, and then some. On a good day, it would take us 20 minutes. Today was construction traffic on all the major freeways. On the way home, I had a doctor appointment, which I was running late for -- thanks to the traffic. So we went there next. Spent a little over an hour to inquire about surgery on my left foot. The podiatrist prefers a more cautious approach and decided orthotics and cortisone rather than surgery for something that may or may not help my foot. On the other hand, my husband wants me to have the surgery -- a quick fix. I asked my sister (a physician) for her advice and she agreed with the podiatrist. My husband wants me pain-free and playing tennis -- also my goal. But neither of us was in a good mood --especially after the car trip.
At the end of the day, we went to exercise. Again! And yes, I was too exhausted when we returned to worry about any trivialities that we were "discussing"...I hurt too much from lifting weights. I have to say -- it felt good. I personally think we need a boxing bag to kick in the garage -- but that blog's for another day. In any case, we both felt satiated by our exercise. The good news is his blood sugars are great when he exercises and he can pretty much eat what he wants. As for me, I am beginning to wonder about this extra fifty pounds I'm carrying. I honestly don't eat much to begin with and it doesn't MOVE! Again, for another day -- another blog.
So, how IS married life? Aside from the ups and downs of worrying about my husband, it is good. I think he might agree. He hates not driving but this is something we both need to get used to. I am looking at Plan B's in case he is unable to return to work in the fall. How can we save 30K a year if that eventuality happens? I hope it doesn't, as he has an amazing brain for science and loves his job. But if it does, then we need to be prepared for it. Again, I figured in sickness and health gave us time to catch our breath and maybe be closer to retirement and Medicare age. Not always the case.
And so, we take each day as it comes. I don't worry too much about tomorrow because you never know what tomorrow will hold. I pray for renewed health for my husband and for patience when he loses his. I pray that we will grow together in our Christian faith and continue to grow closer as a couple. And most importantly, I pray for God's hand to hold us through all of this. How's married life? Certainly not what I expected -- it's better than I thought...full of love, laughter and surprises!
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