Humility

I'm in a challenge, and today's challenge is about humility.  I checked Bible verses and lo and behold, there are many.  So today, I'm here to tell you about one of the most humbling experiences of my life.

Three years ago, I went through a divorce.  But, here's the caveat.  I was left without any money.  This may seem like the story of so many.  However, I was a trust fund baby.  My father left me a substantial amount of money, as did my mother.  So, how did I end up selling jewelry to make ends meet post-divorce?

This experience was indeed humbling.  First of all, I could not bring myself to tell my sister that I was getting divorced, let alone that I was broke.  I couldn't bear to hear about how foolish I'd been.  It took me many months for me to "cop" to what had happened.

Truth is, my foolishness lay in the fact that I buried my head in the sand.   I knew that I was using the money to live on; my spouse was unable to keep a job and I never made enough to feed a family of six.   I also willingly helped my now ex-husband get set up in business.  I wanted to keep the marriage together so that his idealizations of taking our children overseas would not come to fruition.  I also stayed because my youngest, at the age of 14, announced  how terrible it is for parents to divorce.  Perhaps, he had an inkling.

The truth is, despite all my ex had done to me, I likewise had my own faults.  I had no idea what a relationship involved, nor did I have an understanding of love.  You see, at 21, I don't believe I was capable of love.  My own parents went through a bitter divorce after a lifetime of fighting.  Love was never modeled at my house.

When we were engaged, there was a time I wanted to call off the engagement.  My soon-to-be- husband insisted that he loved me. The "people pleaser" in me agreed to put my ring back on.  Then, a day or so before the marriage, as people were arriving from out of town, I got cold feet.  I went through with the wedding because I knew my father had spent a lot of money, shelling out deposits.  Again, the "people pleaser" came out.  I walked down that aisle and said, "I do".

At the end of the day, I don't regret my marriage.  We had four amazing children, and now have seven grandchildren, who are the apples of my eye.  I definitely regret the fallout of the divorce but not the divorce itself.   If you want to be humbled, go from being a trust fund baby to bankrupt.  Now THAT is humbling.  However, I also believe in God and his grace.  He had me go through all of this for a reason.  I am sorry for the hurt and animosity between my ex and myself.  I have extended the olive branch but he does not want it.

I continue to live with nightmares about my past life however, they are lessening.  I hope one day I can sleep without reliving the past.  For now, I live everyday with renewed joy.  God has humbled me in a mighty way.  I thank Him for allowing me to learn how to love and to become whole.  Humility.  A lesson we can all learn.