Courage

So have you ever had that twenty seconds of insane courage?  I have.  The first time it ever happened, I was on my knees praying to God.  I had been having trouble securing employment as a teacher out here.  I applied in June and here it was November with no job.  I remember saying, "Please God, just get me a job that will glorify You."  Ten minutes later the call came in -- it was from a school principal asking me to come in for a job interview.  It was for teaching children who had autism.  Was I interested?  Before I could say no, I heard the words "yes" come out of my mouth.  Doing something not because I wanted to but because I was called to it...insane courage!

When I wrote my first blog it was on a pretty safe topic; marriage.  However, as time went on, my blogs became more personal.  Each time I write a blog, I reread it several times.  I think about it.  Do I really want to post this?  Often times, the answer is "no."  I cringe when I think, "This is my life."  However, I also know that my writing is inspired by the Holy Spirit.  Why do I post such personal stuff?  Who are these addressed to?  The truth is, I never really know.  I believe they are being used to empower others through faith.  And so, I continue to write on intensely personal topics.  And when I push that "publish" button -- each and every time, it takes that insane courage.  Trusting God to know that everything is according to His plan and purpose.  Saying "yes" to Him!

What about my divorce?  Did that take courage?  Absolutely!  It is hard (and I cannot say this enough) to take your life and turn it upside down and inside out!  I remember standing outside the attorney's office and my knees were so weak, I did not think I could walk inside.  But, I knew I had to do it, and it was something only I could do.  Walking ten feet inside the building took that twenty seconds of insane courage.  That same day, when I told my husband I was filing for divorce and I wanted him to leave, it took another twenty seconds of insane courage.  I didn't know what my future held; only that it would be tough.  I was right.  But for me, it was also the right decision; one that I had prayed about for months.

Life after divorce?  That is twenty seconds of insane courage over and over again.  Making decisions alone.  Working long hours.   New friends, new relationships.  All of it -- twenty seconds of insane courage.   My walk with God.  Insane courage.  Saying "yes" to change -- over and over again.  Wanting to say "no" but hearing the words, "yes" come out of my mouth.  That is insane courage.

And so, as you go through your own journey in life, don't be afraid.  Call on God and ask Him.  Do you feel His presence?  Is He calling you?  If so, muster all you have and go for it.  Saying "yes" to Him.  It takes twenty seconds of insane courage.  Twenty seconds to change your life in ways you can't even imagine.