This blog is not about me. It is about my daughter. I have asked permission to share thoughts, feelings, etc regarding her transition from male to female. You see, she is transgender. I have written on another blog about my learning she is transgender. Today, I want to write about the day-to-day.
The other day, she posted a pic of herself on Instagram. She has only had hormone therapy so far -- surgery, at this point, is far too expensive. And so, she does what she needs to do. Her first order of business, she has told me, is to have laser work on her face. Again, a pricey proposition for a college student working two jobs to survive. I have no money to help and my credit stinks, so she will have to wait until she has her degree and a "real" job. I wish I had the money - I'd pay for it. I really would.
We meet a couple of times a week. As a college student, she comes here to do her laundry. I make sure she has a meal, if she wants to join us. She is a personal trainer, and so we (normally) workout together a couple of times a week. She has more energy than I can account for...I certainly wasn't in as good of shape as she is at that age. Her figure is changing due to the hormones. She has 10 pounds left to lose. As a male, she was short and somewhat muscular. As a female, her stature and body type are darned near perfect. Her hair is also very long...just past her shoulders.
So, how did we get to this point of not just acceptance but still loving one another through this time of transition? It's called, being supportive. She was indeed born with male genitalia but the truth of the matter is she never played rough like boys and she was always an extremely sensitive child. I put her in martial arts at a young age so that she could defend herself against bullies. Smart play...somehow, a mother senses these things. She is now in Aikido and working toward her black belt. She also teaches classes. AND, when the bullies on our street did try to bother her in middle school -- she did not kick their ass -- rather, she kicked our front door in and THAT scared the crap out of them. They never bothered her again!
I have to say, I did not accept her new life easily. Transgender was not "out there" in the 1990's like it is today. You can say all you want about Caitlyn Jenner, but she put this issue and acceptance on the radar. Kudos to her! Calling her by her now legal name and acknowledging that she was female at birth means the world to her. When I am tired, I slip up. The other night, after a long day at work, I said "Gentlemen, dinner is ready". I then added, "and ladies!" Yes, it is hard for a mother. But she understands that after being in a male body for 25 years and female for 2, I am going to make these mistakes. I try not to, but it happens.
How do I align my Christian beliefs with her transitioning? Just fine, thank you. You see, God looks at our hearts and not our bodies, IMHO. And she has a GREAT heart. She is closer to God than she has ever been. He has been there for her as she goes through her emotional, physical and financial struggles. I always tell her when something unexpected happens, for her to "Thank God!" You see, it doesn't matter if it's a good thing or a bad thing, "Thank God". You are strong enough to handle whatever He gives you.
And so, the other day on my Instagram account, after she posted her pic - I stole it and posted how proud I was of her. You see, it takes courage to be who you are -- to face people who hate you simply because of how you look. Being true to one's self is desired in this country. Don't we always say, "Live up to your potential!"? "Love yourself!" If loving yourself means physically changing your outside self to match your inside self, more power to you! It is not easy. It is not fun! It is necessary for some to not just survive, but thrive.
I have seen this caterpillar metamorphosis into a chrysalis. She is working toward becoming her complete self...the butterfly she was meant to be. One day, when she chooses to have surgery, she will. For now, she is happy with who she is. I am happy with who she is. I couldn't be more proud or love my daughter more. An easy life? No. A productive, stable life...yes! That is what being a mother to a transgender child is like.
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