Of late, I am feeling like time is getting away from me. Already three years have passed since my divorce and nine years, since my mother passed away. I remember sitting at her hospital bedside and hearing a voice telling me to go into ministry. But what IS the ministry? I never got an answer.
I hear a voice today saying, "your testimony...you have to share your testimony." What is so special about MY testimony? Clearly, it must mean something to some people. I have it written down but it is long. I have had a life like many and yet, like no others. I have been a part of the world of Judaism, Christianity and Islam. I have gone through trials like many. I have questioned my faith a thousand times. What is it God wants me to share?
I have written many blogs and truly, the readership has surpassed my expectations. Clearly God's hand has been on it. He has found a way for it to circulate throughout the world. Him. Not me.
And so today, I heard a voice say, "Be still." I am, to rest. To listen to His words. I have read the Bible, listened to worship music and read a devotional for the day. I have also taken to working through a workbook to determine whether or not it is ordained ministry he wants me to go into; the pieces still are not quite fitting together but I feel like I am close. Very close.
I am 56 years old. How much time does it take to discern where I am to minister? It has been YEARS. Daily prayer. I see people around me getting sick while others die. They are not much older than me. How much time does this take? God? I need an answer! I don't want to fail YOU!
So for those out there that read this blog, please lift your prayers to Him. What does HE want for my life? How can I serve HIM? Yes, this blog is a little on the selfish side -- okay, a lot. But at the same time, I watch the clock ticking. Will I live to 100? 75? 60? Only He knows. But I do know this. I will work to fulfill His life's calling; I accept. I am here. I am ready.
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