So here it is -- barely 24 hours since I have returned from vacation and feeling terrible. Yes, I know I swore I was closing down this blog. I thought I'd said all I have to say...and yet, here is another situation that I am trying to deal with; and if I'm trying to deal with it, well, there is someone else who probably is too.
I have, in fact, gone to a place I had hoped I could never be pushed into .... the ex-wife place. You know -- that side where the bitter ex posts something public on social media against the other. I couldn't help myself -- really, I tried. But, it has been three years of continued hell, manipulation and control. I'm divorced, yet it continues. I am, at the end of my rope!
So, what happens when Christians fall into that dark abyss? How do you pull yourself out? And trust me, it is a dark and ugly place. I wish I had answers. I only know that right now, I see injustice upon injustice heaped upon my head and I am powerless to stop it. Do I just say, "Ok God -- it's all yours!" and hope for the best? How do I take an unwilling person who flaunts, and I mean, FLAUNTS his willful disobedience in my face nearly daily to court when I have absolutely no money or assets? And for those wondering, legal aid won't help because I "earn" too much. I don't get it. I wish I did...and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Today, I see only darkness.
The quote I posted above may explain it. I know God has plans for me. Plans and purpose for ministry. It is at a time like this that the Enemy will work against us. He will pull out no stops to make us feel disappointed, sad, depressed, lonely -- you name it. Oh, life is starting to look just a tad brighter? Let me stop you in your tracks with this...an unexpected bill you can't pay. Oh, you just took a lovely vacation? Let me turn the heat up in Las Vegas to 120 degrees. That should take ALL joy out of your life and put the vacation memory into the dust. You see where I'm going with this.
And so today, I did probably one of the most un-Christianlike things I have done post-divorce. I actually put something on Instagram about my ex -- oh and if that wasn't enough? Facebook and Twitter. There! Take that! But the problem is this...I can hurt him with words but I also hurt my children. I cannot take him down legally and so I resorted to the only thing I know how to do...write. Not cool. Not Christlike. Not good.
So, at the end of the day, for what it's worth, I apologize not just to him and my kids but to my Creator for doing something so incredibly childish and stupid. Yeah, it made me feel good for maybe 5 minutes and then, I started to feel funny...bad...worse than I do now. So I took down the posts.
At the end of the day, even people with goodness in their hearts can be taken to a bad place. It's not fun to be the one who is pushed to that limit. However, it is human. It is why, Christ died on the cross for us. So, I do ask for God publicly for forgiveness. And I will pray an extra prayer tonight for the ex that continues to wear me down. I know in the end, God will take care of this situation as He sees fit. I just have to give it to Him.
Matthew 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin aginst you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Luke 6:27
But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you
1 Peter 5:8
Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
Joshua 10:25
Joshua said to them, “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. This is what the LORD will do to all the enemies you are going to fight.”
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
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