A Day at a Time

Assessment.  Two years post-divorce.  Not pretty.  Still broke.  Living paycheck to paycheck and filing for bankruptcy.  There are days when I just want to shut down.  This would be one of them. I look at my checking account.  I do not have enough for my bills; they will all be late.   My second job does not carry over into summer.  My third job is all of July, but payday isn't until August.  Yet, I know despite these difficulties, I will get past them.  How can I be so sure?  Because there is a God and He is in the midst.  He is listening as my heart breaks at how hard I have worked and how few gains I have made.  The last 31 years were not without personal sacrifice on many levels.

And so, I forge on.  I have a man by my side who loves me no matter what...rich or poor, he is standing by me and helping me sort through this mess.  He loves me unconditionally as I do him.  I often wonder about the timing of our relationship but the truth is, God seems to keep pushing us closer and closer together.  What makes me scared?  Why do I want to run?  He absolutely is everything I have been looking for in a man and yet, in my heart, I'm scared.  Terrified.  Most certainly, the fallout of a very bad marriage.  He is not my ex.  I tell myself that everyday and he proves it everyday.  I pray that he will stay.  When we met, I told him I would not be easy; my life is one that has been written about and posted worldwide.  It is a study in courage, persistence and faith; which can only be explained by the presence of a very real God in my life. 

I work on my physical self during this time.  It feels good to have control in that one area of my life.  It is not easy but nothing worthwhile ever is -- be it health, relationships or finances.  For me, this is one helluva climb up what has been a never-ending mountain.  I crawl toward the peak, hanging tough by my fingertips but with sure footing.  I will do it.  I feel it with every fiber of my being.

And so, today is not unlike any other.  It is a day in my life.   I remind myself that God hears our cries of anguish.  I think about those who are so much worse off than myself and am grateful.  Grateful to believe in God.  Grateful to feel His presence calm my spirit.  Grateful for those people that talk me through my anxiety and assure me that this all will pass.  Grateful for the love I have from those in my life.  Grateful that although I do not have an abundance, if I just juggle things a little bit more, I am able to pay my bills; albeit not on time, but they will be paid.  Most of all, I am grateful for His presence and peace; the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Scripture Lullabies -- Peace of God
https://youtu.be/Q4Af1zhUPxs