On Marriage

The last year has been a rocky one for me.  It was spent getting a divorce after 31 years of marriage.  The unique thing about my marriage is that when I got married, I did not know what marriage was or meant.  I take responsibility for that; for that is the true heart of the problems within my marriage.  And it was not a one-sided problem.  I do not believe my husband had that understanding either.  I did not recognize that this was a marriage doomed from the start.  You see, my definition of marriage included words like love and passion and friendship.  However, marriage is more than being in love.  It is more than having passion.  It is more than being friends.  Although those are definitely parts of it, those things alone do not sustain a marriage.  It is more than sharing a house, having children and a white picket fence.  Marriage is a giving up of self.  In Ephesians 5: 22-33, God talks in depth about the marriage covenant.

22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  24 Now as the church submits to Christ,  so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body , but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church --30 for we are members of his body.  31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh."  32  This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church.  33 However each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

However, what exactly does this mean?  Ephesians 4:1-6 gives us a little more background into what our relationship with the Lord should look like.  Paul writes, "1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.  2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.  4 There is one body and one Spirit --just as you were called to one hope when you were called -- 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."

Note in verses 4-6, the reiteration of the word "one" -- we are one with God and the body of Christ.  Then let's look at 5:31 "...the two will become one flesh".  Notice a recurring theme?  In our relationship with God, Paul asks us to give ourselves up completely to God.  It is an obliteration of self -- for the greater good, so to speak.  Likewise, in marriage, we are to be so selfless, that we are willing to give our self up -- one to the other -- again, for the greater good.  It is the sum of the parts that make the whole.

Obviously, I am not the poster child for marriage, as my own marriage ended.  However, as I try to discover why my marriage failed, I am brought back to God and what He says about marriage.  Just as He has a covenant with us, so we are to have a covenant with our spouses.  So what do I take away from this?  What is a definition of marriage that even I can understand?  Marriage is the obliteration of one's self in order that the "two can become one flesh".   I like that definition.  It is deep and complex, yet simple to understand.  It is complete. Would you expect anything less from God?