Do you know what I see? I see the complete opposite. Quite simply, God has blessed me. He has moved me beyond a bad marriage. He has made me independent and strong. He has taught me to rely on His provision. He has shifted my priorities from one of self-centeredness to one of giving of self. He has put people in my life who build me up and encourage me, rather than tear me down. I have a roof over my head, food on the table and the love of family and friends. I am slowly paying back the debt that my ex-husband left me with by working two, sometimes three jobs. I am tired and yet, I still manage in my "spare" time to do volunteer work. How do I do it? Through God. He is my strength in times of weakness. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)
I love coming home everyday to my house. Yes, it is small but it is the first "real" home I've had. It is my place of refuge and quiet. It is my private sanctuary. It is here that I worship each and every evening. "...that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness." 1 Timothy 2:2 (NIV) It's something God wants for us -- to live in peace.
My "worship" starts with listening to music. Next, I read a devotional or two. Each one, no matter what it says, seems to be speaking to my heart for that very day. It's as though it was written for me! I also read my Bible. I try to hear what God is telling me. Sometimes I revisit the passages that were in a Sunday sermon or Bible study; other times, I go to favorites. Often, I look up things that are on my heart to see what God has to say about them. What does He tell me about brokenness? What does He say about marriage? What does He say about our work ethic? Tithing? Spiritual practices and gifts? Lastly, I pray. I pray for those who are in my life. I pray for those on my ever-growing prayer list. Believe it or not, there are a lot of people in need -- physical, mental and spiritual!
My spirit is frequently moved during this time of what I refer to as "worship". I tell you about this time, not because I am a perfect Christian - Trust me, I fall short everyday. I share with you because these daily spiritual practices are what complete my day. They revitalize me for the next day. I hope that perhaps they will give you ideas on ways to spend time with God, and receive a much-needed daily renewal.
There are also other ways to spend time with God. Sitting outside and having a cup of coffee in the sunshine -- that's spending time with God. Listening to music in the car -- that's spending time with God. Talking with my grandchildren on the phone -- that's spending time with God. Loving your job -- that's spending time with God. Praying in the car on the way to work -- that's spending time with God. God is everywhere. He created everything. Enjoy Him in the here and now!
So many times we get caught up in what the "world" says we need. We need a big house, a fancier car, more friends, more things...No, we don't. There is a point of satisfaction. It comes when you realize that those things are, well simply, stuff. Granted, they are nice to have but when they become the focus of your life and take your eyes off your Creator, then they are no longer of value. They have become a distraction; almost a nuisance. Jesus as much as said it. When he met a rich young man, Jesus said to him, "...Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." Mark 10:21 (NIV) When the young man could not bring himself to do it, Jesus said "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven." Mark 10:24 (NIV)
Now, I was far from rich but do you know how much stuff I gave away in order to fit into my new home? More than I care to admit. It was stuff that I thought I couldn't live without when I moved to Nevada. Guess what? They sat in a garage for 3 years! Some things, I had actually forgotten about! With the exception of some winter coats I had been looking for, books and photos most everything else went to charity. Instead of waiting for a crisis, maybe it's time to take stock and see if these things have become a distraction in your life. Is watching your 72" TV more important than reading the Word? If so, it may be time to prioritize. I'm not saying don't enjoy your TV. Heck, you can TIVO what you want to watch and then watch it whenever! Even in this day and age, God has made provisions and ways for us to put Him first.
I had to lose nearly everything to really see how God could work in my life. I lost my marriage, I lost my house, I lost my worldly possessions. I was so far down, I couldn't see my way up. Yet, I could feel his Hand reaching for me. He used every means possible to pull me out of that hole. He put people in my life who were instrumental to building me up and helping me. He put me in circumstances that I didn't want to be in, and yet, they were likewise necessary in order to increase my faith. This journey was a walk in faith. I had to trust Him -- and I did. Even though I was down, my faith never wavered. I knew this was God's Will for me. "...give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV)
He saw things in my marriage that I couldn't or wouldn't. Sometimes He needs to rock our world in order to get our attention. We always think the worst when something happens to another; we have to justify that somehow they deserved what they got. Why else would God allow such bad things to happen? Yet, I was not a "bad" person. I was living a Christian way of life by most peoples' standards. However, in looking back, I was more inwardly focused and in my will rather than His will. I trusted my husband more than I trusted Him. I tried to fix things, rather than hand them over to God. I did not fully embrace my spiritual beliefs and practices required by God because I knew my husband disapproved. I believe God put me through hell, in every sense of the word, because He wanted to make me into the person He knew I could become. Sometimes he puts us through fire in order to shape us. "See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10 (NIV)
He saw the potential that I didn't even know existed. During this time, my faith has grown, beyond what I could imagine. I am a new person in Him. I have shed many tears over the past year, but none so bittersweet as those that I shed over the last twelve hours. I didn't just read it -- I have lived it; "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13 (NLT)
As for the future. Well, all I can say is that I am still a work in progress. "...but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15 (NASB) God is hard at work to continue to help me fulfill my potential. As I sit in my quiet little home, I thank God for each and every blessing He has given me.
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