Thursday, June 20, 2013

Guarding your Heart: Advice for Singles

It seems rather ironic to me that I should be giving relationship advice.  After all, I've been out of the dating scene since the dawn of the dinosaurs.  Okay, not really that long but it feels that long.  The truth is, I haven't been on a date since disco was  en vogue.  Some of you reading this, probably don't even know what disco was...that's okay -- google it -- it's out there somewhere.  

In any case, I am blogging about this topic because ever since I became single (not quite 4 months ago), I have been inundated by well-meaning people to get back on the dating scene.  I've heard such things as "Join a website!" or "Get out -- Go have fun!" or the sage advice, "Don't put one toe at a time in cold water -- You jump in all at once."  Oh, and the ever popular question, "It isn't against your religion is it?"   Definitely, each and every comment given with true affection for me and for my welfare.   (Well, maybe not the last question, but I digress...)   However, after coming out of a long term relationship, I find that I am simply not interested in dating again.  After all, if I wanted to invest time in a new relationship, then why not take that same time and invest it in the old relationship.  Of course, as we know, some relationships aren't salvageable -- mine being one of them.  But you see where I'm going here.  Sometimes being alone is not a bad thing.  I mean it!  At this stage in my life, I prefer it.  Sometimes, just spending time with God is like being in, well -- heaven.  And that's what I want to talk about today.

Last Christmas, I was preparing to go to the midwest to visit family.  I was in the midst of my marital crisis and my pastor said to me before I left, "Guard your heart".  Three simple words:  Guard.. Your ...Heart.  I liked it.  I knew where he was going with that advice -- "Keep your nose clean, kid.  Don't get into trouble."  It's solid advice and I have kept it in the forefront of my mind.  By the way, he didn't just make that up either.   It's in the Bible.  The complete verse reads, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."  Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

You see, frequently, we let our hearts determine the outcome of our lives.   We allow our emotions to dictate what we do, rather than God's Word.  Even as adults, there is "peer pressure" out there for singles.  I am a schoolteacher and am well aware of peer pressure that my students face;  and yet on a daily basis, adults are bombarded by the same type of peer pressure.  We go to the bars, we hang out with individuals who, Christian or not, may not make the best decisions or who influence the decisions we make.  Even in middle age, we want to "fit in".  Yes, we still want to be cool.  You think that you wouldn't do things that on the surface, are completely out of sync with your faith.  Yet, the truth is, when we do things incompatible with our beliefs, we will go so far as to rationalize it to ourselves.  "I work hard -- I deserve to have a drink and relax." Or, "Who cares if I go home with XYZ -- it's my life!"  Or, "I've been alone so long..."  Many times, we follow our own paths rather than following God's.  God knows our needs.  He created us.  He knows us inside and out; "13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know that full well...23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139: 13-14, 23-24 (NIV)

Be honest with yourself.  You are sitting here and reading a faith-based blog so obviously, you must follow some tenets of  faith.  Do you think that the words you read in the Bible are false?  Does God put out anything less than the Truth?  The Bible is filled with His Words!  If  the Bible is God-inspired, then there is some powerful Truth to those verses.

This next section may seem random, but hang with me.  I do have a point.  When I first approached my family with the news of divorce, I was met with outrage.  I was accused of having had an affair.  I had to be having an affair.  After all, why would I leave my husband of 30 years?  I had my reasons, all very valid.  But more importantly, here was my response to them.  "You obviously don't know who I am...if you did, you would know what my faith means to me! You would know who I am in Christ."  Frankly, I was the one who was outraged!  But more importantly, I wanted them to understand that I take God's Words seriously -- that the Bible is real to me.  It is not a piece of historical fiction.  Christ died on that cross for all of us -- so that we could live through Him!   No small sacrifice, I might add.  Could you do it?  For anyone -- let alone those who are unloveable?  Could you, in the midst of torture, look to God and ask for forgiveness for those who tormented you?  What does the Bible mean to you?  What does Christ mean to you?  

So, let's go back to guarding our hearts.   Since Christ's resurrection, our hearts have been filled with the Holy Spirit.  It is where God plants seeds of Truth.  Do we want to defile its holiness by following our own course?  Or do we want to allow God to fulfill His promises to us?  An evening of frivolity is not worth changing the course of your life He has set in motion for you.  Instead of going out, I challenge you to spend time with Him.  Read your Bible.  Journal.  Listen to music and really worship Him.  Listen to what the Holy Spirit has to say with regards to guarding your heart.  If you don't want to listen to me then listen to your Father in heaven. He loves you more than anyone else.  Guard your heart... it's sound advice.  I like it!  

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