Sometimes you wonder, "What was I thinking?" The problem is, you weren't. Or maybe you were thinking with something other than your brain. Hence, you are stuck. Or so it seems.
I married badly the first time around. I had an inkling beforehand that I should call off the wedding. I didn't. I was aghast at how my wedding night played out. I thought, I shouldn't have done this. And then, I let myself forget. Until 7 years. 10 years. And it all came back to bite me in the ass. I hung in there for 31 years. The lowest point was when my now ex told me that we had a superficial relationship. His words exactly. Four children, 30 years, and that's how you describe our relationship?
Peace out, dude. Life on my own can't be this bad. I was right -- to some degree. I worked three jobs. He paid spousal support as he saw fit, not as court ordered. He defaulted on two student loans in my name and decided he no longer needed to pay half on our joint consolidation loans. He then sold the business I gave him 200k to start --from my inheritance--and kept the proceeds. Then he said, peace out and left the country.
Last week, I received a summons on the defaulted student loans. Some would say, "Well, it's your fault for not paying the creditors." Well, let's see. I'm a teacher who has not had a raise in 5 years. I also cannot continue to work 3 jobs at the age of 59. Emotionally, I am maxed out. The reason I took so many loans for my degree is this clown kept saying, "Take the max, take the max." He was not working for much of the time and we had four kids. I worked during school but it was for $10/hour. He worked at a hospital for a period for the same. Truthfully, I was at a place in my life where I could mentally process little. I woke up too late.
I should have used my inheritance to pay off the loans and our house. Instead, he wheeled and dealed as he always did and convinced me that he could run a profitable business. For us...for our retirement. He knew what to say. He had done it for nearly 30 years.
I have spent the week-end crying. Crying because I am still cleaning up the mess of a marriage and financial shit he left me with for the last six years. It's not enough I declared bankruptcy or have worked my ass off. It's not enough I continue to work my ass off. He is a U.S. citizen in another world (another perk of our marriage for him) without a care and I continue to work to stay afloat.
I have since remarried a man who did not see me as a financial liability. He looked beyond that. A 50-something with around 200K in debt is not your typical "trophy" wife. I was not looking for marriage, as I did not want him to get caught up in this financial quagmire. But he knew what he wanted and pursued me. Yesterday, as we celebrated Mother's Day and I had tears in my eyes, he said, "I love you. We'll get through this."
And so, divorce is not easy. Life is not easy. I am resolved to clean up this financial mess. I have a book I have written. I will polish it up this summer and get it ready for Christmas sales. My goal is to get speaking gigs as well in addition to my "real" job. I think I can help those that are hopeless. I have been there.
From the mud, blooms the lotus. So do I.
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