Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.    Proverbs 3:5-6


And so, summer has begun.  It was a year, not unlike any other as far as school goes.  I spent much of my year wondering, is this where I need to be?  I am in a Title 1 school and a lot of our students come from impoverished families, single parent homes, homelessness -- you name it, we have it.  We are a very diverse school, which is one of the reasons I love it so much.  This whole idea of a "white bread" sort of society just is not something I embrace...instead of squelching diversity, let's celebrate it.  But there is one thing that has plagued me for 11 years now...11 long, whole years...and that is, that God told me (quite literally) that I would go into ministry.  And frankly, I am bothered by that...I mean, what if I am missing the plan God intended for me?  What if I'm supposed to be a vocational pastor, or a children's minister or some other type of minister...what we normally think of when we hear the word minister.  What if I am wrong?  What if teaching is not what He meant?

And so, another year, came and went with my overthinking everything.  In fact, while overthinking, I actually came up with a beautiful plan to change the system -- overhaul the educational flaws that I see.  So, I applied to and was accepted into grad school for educational leadership. And it fell into place beautifully.  Within days...much like my applying for college in teaching did.  And then, I got scared.  I looked over the books, became filled with self-doubt and wondered once again...is this where God wants me?  In short, I freaked out and took a pass for the spring semester.

I continued along throughout the school year and found that if I just quit overthinking God's plans for me,  things went much easier.  If I laughed more and worried less, life became better.  Yes, there are moments when I get completely devastated by the educational system we are in and when I see our students refuse to turn in work in a timely manner or skip class.  Yet, at the end of the day, an 80% + passing rate is not bad.  This includes over 200 students, a good third who have Individual Education Plans (special needs) and another roughly 5% ELL students who walk in the door speaking zero English.  It is those who refuse to come to class or turn in their work who actually fail.  And it saddens me that they have a free education and choose to do other things.  In ten years, Snapchat will be gone but where will they be?

And so, after taking some time, I have decided to move forward with the Master's degree in Educational Leadership.  I don't know whether or not I will actually have the opportunity to work as a dean, assistant principal or principal but I do know, that I am feeling that tug in my gut.  That perhaps this is the plan God has for my life.  Maybe I can be instrumental in changing the system.  Perhaps as I work through that school law class, I will have an epiphany as to what I can or cannot do to help the students who just don't recognize the value of education.  With Him, nothing is impossible.

Perhaps...again, I'm overthinking.  I dream.  I hope.  I pray.  I embrace God's plans for me.