And so, here it is....nearly a year since I filed for Chapter 13. It has not been an easy road, nor did I expect it to be. I am still paying on debt, just in a way that is more manageable. I am no longer working three jobs. However, in spite of the fact that the bankruptcy was due largely in part to my divorce and ex-husband's irresponsible ways, I am paying the price. What do I mean by that?
First of all, I have handed over all my freedoms regarding my financials to a trustee. I am deemed, too irresponsible to pay my own bills so they do it for me. Additionally, I should not work any second and certainly not third jobs or it will put me on an ugly treadmill of having to pay the trustee more and never being able to quit any of my jobs. I lived up to my promise of working summer school last year, a commitment I made before the bankruptcy and ended up paying a lot more than I could afford back to them. But for the fact I had a boyfriend, I would not have eaten.
I also give all of my tax refunds to them and let them know if I move to a place that is cheaper, presumably, so I can kick in more money. I cannot afford my rent and my 3 bedroom townhome is empty save for me, so I will be moving and take the hit-- even if it increases my payment. I also will not be getting married anytime soon, as it would drag my fiancé into a financial quagmire that I would not wish on anyone.
The good news is I checked my credit score the other day. I am 705 through one credit bureau and 640 through another. I was at ground zero last year when I filed bankruptcy. Prior to the bankruptcy, I worked the three jobs, paid my bills (on time) for 2 years and never got more than a 620 on my credit score. So, I have made some gains. I also have a five year respite on my student loan payments, although they will be accumulating interest over this period.
At the end of the day, bankruptcy is not for everyone. It is necessary for those who simply cannot get on their feet. I am thankful there are bankruptcy laws to help those of us in a bind. I am culpable in that, I made the assumption I would remain married and have help paying back any loans, credit cards, or any other financial decisions that were made during the course of my marriage. I am also culpable in that I checked out of the marriage probably ten years prior and allowed my ex to manipulate me into financial decisions that were not in either of our best interests ie: huge student loans. The last three years of our marriage, he had carte blanche over our finances, which is when everything went from bad to worse.
At the end of the day, I am responsible for my participation or lack thereof, in the financial portion of my life. When I left, I had $4,000 in credit card debt; $2700 which was interest. I did not use my credit cards much but certainly, take responsibility for where they ended up. I had one nearly paid off and the other was to be paid off in summer. However, I got hit with a $93,000 bill on our second mortgage. That tipped the scale. Between that and the student loans, I was nearly $300,000 in debt.
I am solely responsible for the student loans despite a court order otherwise telling my ex he has to pay half. At this point, I hear he simply does not respond to their calls or letters. He left me a four inch thick folder of bills -- an accumulation of months of juggling our finances. What he did with over $300,000 a year of earnings, I have no idea; nor am I interested at this point. After the divorce, I made decisions based on the best of my ability which included selling off all of my jewelry to pay bills, working three jobs and at the end of the day, filing for bankruptcy.
I am writing this to serve as a cautionary tale. First of all, if you are in a bad marriage, get counseling so that you can keep your wits about you. Except for getting through the day to day, I was not all there mentally. Checking out is not the answer and in the end, can cause you far more damage than you realize. Secondly, if you are left "holding the bag" do everything you can to get out of debt. However, at the end of the day, do not kill yourself getting out of debt. I was working myself into an early grave. The stigma of bankruptcy is far less painful than dying at a young age. Lastly, if bankruptcy is your only option, find a competent attorney. I have one of the best and he did not charge me an arm and leg.
This story is not pretty but it is reality. It is my reality. Don't let it be yours.
No comments:
Post a Comment