Gray and white...for some reason, I am drawn to these colors of late. Right now, I have dark gray sheets on my bed and a white comforter. I just bought some artwork with a sepia background and black flowers. Often times, people think in terms of black and white but sometimes, they are actually gray and white.
Right now, I am in the middle of a divorce. It came completely out of the blue and not something I envisioned for my later years. Yet, here it is. In the hopes of saving my marriage, I offered several compromises that not even I was wholly comfortable with...and yet, this situation has not been black and white.
What do you do when your husband begins indulging in online affairs? Gives money to strangers. Or becomes a money mule? How do you handle that. Black and white, right? What if this complete reversal of personality happened overnight...What if instead of willfulness, it is the product of brain trauma from a stroke or a seizure? Is it suddenly so black and white? Now, we're in a gray and white situation. But you're caught in the middle. Your bank account is being drained, his credit card has reached a balance of over 47K, and it's because he is giving away personal information like his credit card number and/or bank account number. Suddenly, you're in a black and white situation again.
That's where I am...black and white...gray and white...does it matter anymore? The only one constant in my life this past year has been my faith. Although I am still in shock as to how our marriage got to this state, it is here. My reality has been to save me. Save my finances, my credit score, my mental and physical health. Does that sound selfish? We got married in sickness and in health. But, when your other half refuses to be seen by a doctor, I think that vow becomes a moot point. Let no man put asunder also became a moot point the day your spouse tells you in no uncertain terms and quite explicitly, what he wanted a 32-year-old Instagram model to do to him.
Here's the thing...he is in a world of gray and white. Although this woman exists, he is talking with scammers. They have, under the guise of being her, told him that she would take care of him. It's not true and he's about to find out very soon that what I have said all along is true. Do I gain some sort of twisted, "I told you so?" Not at all. He will find out soon enough that quitting his job, losing his home, his wife and his money was not worth it.
Black and white. He will no longer be in his world of, well it's okay to talk dirty with a stranger or put their picture on his phone as a screen saver. It's harmless, right? So what if they take old peoples' money "to invest"...I'm just turning it into bitcoin for them. A slippery slope. Gray and white becomes black and white.
God says we will know the end times. Isaiah 5:20 says, "Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness..."
Some may think I am writing this post to call out my husband. Not so. He will not read this. What I am doing is writing for those who think that the world is shades of gray. As Christians, we are going down that slippery slope. If you are walking that line, I hear God calling for us as Christians to reign it in. Don't do whatever you want and then go to church on Sunday saying, "Well God forgives me." God wants you to repent (turn away) from your sin. YOU are the example. YOU are to walk in Christ's footsteps. Is it hard? Yes. Is it impossible? No. Matthew 19:26 says, "But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
He's here. He's watching. He's listening. Are you?
If you are going through difficult times, you can rest assured God is with you. He goes before you. He has a plan for your life. Trust Him. Cry out to Him. He is holding you. Of that you can be assured.
Kari Jobe -- I am not alone
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