For years, my self-esteem and self-worth have been pretty low. I could give all sorts of psychobabble as to why that is but the bottom line is, I do not feel great about myself. As a result, unless I am really pressed into the Word, I find myself doing things that contradict my faith. And to be honest, I want to be all that I can be as a Christian. It’s not worth feeling guilty for a week just to feel good for a brief moment. So, how does one break the pattern of self-destructive behavior? First of all, we have to love ourselves. The only way, I can see, to love ourselves is to look beyond ourselves and see what God sees. First, we need to understand the distinction between the two words. Self-esteem refers to feeling good about yourself or self-respect. Self-worth, on the other hand, refers to your own sense of value, dignity and how deserving you are.
Surprisingly, God speaks a lot on the subject. Song of Solomon 4:7 says, “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” (ESV) How powerful is that verse? You are altogether -- completely -- beautiful. Not partially but WHOLLY beautiful. My love. You are not His friend, spouse or significant other. God calls us His love. There is no flaw in you. We are perfect in His eyes. Have you ever told yourself those words? Has anyone? If you’ve heard them from someone else, you are completely lucky because first of all, it is poetically striking. But also, it is deep, meaningful expression of complete love. I certainly have never heard that or experienced such a wonderful love in my life. Let’s examine some more verses.
1 Samuel 16:17 (ESV) says “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord look on the heart. So, God sees us differently. People often look at the outward appearance. Why do you think so many people are scarred? Because of some inane and thoughtless thing someone has said about his or her appearance. But, God looks deeper. He looks at your heart. What is it about you that God loves? It’s our inward self. And let’s face it -- in time, all beauty fades. But it is the inner beauty that survives the test of time.
1 John 4:19 (ESV) says “We love because he first loved us.” We are incapable of love without knowing the love of our Father. Who teaches us how to live according to His plans and purpose? It is the Holy Spirit that dwells within us. God is love -- and if God dwells within us, how can we not love ourselves?
Psalm 139:13-14 (ESV) says “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows very well.” Wow! I love this verse because when we look at a child in its mother’s womb, it IS quite literally knitted together -- in an incredibly intricate manner and with loving care. How can we not praise our Creator? He loves us so much, that we are His handiwork. He has not only created our physical but our spiritual selves. Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, our spiritual side does know our Father and Creator. It is who we were before our physical cells split infinite times to create our physical bodies.
Mark 12:31 (ESV) You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.” Jesus tells us this is the greatest commandment. You must love others as much as yourself. If you don’t love yourself, then how can you love someone else? Think about that. If Jesus lays it out that clearly, it’s obvious that it needs to be a high priority for us.
Ephesians 4:1-6 (ESV) I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit--just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call--one Lord, one faith, one baptism...” Let’s face it -- if we do not live a Christian life, then how can we witness to others? We are Christ’s disciples. We are called to be the Church -- loving others and as one body. If we do not love ourselves or think of ourselves as worthy, how can we serve others or show them how they can overcome the obstacles in their lives? Everyone has baggage -- it’s how we carry it that matters.
Matthew 26:41 (ESV) Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Yes, we have all made mistakes in life. The question is, are you going to continue to sin or live a life that is worthy of the sacrifice Christ made on the cross? His death does not mean we’re saved and yeah, it’s okay to go out and do whatever. We need to honor Him by living a Christian lifestyle.
Colossians 3:5-10 (ESV) Put to death therefore, what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices...” Okay folks, what this is saying is that we all need to grow up. If you suffer from self-loathing, most likely it is because you are doing something that you regret. Well, I know it sounds simplistic but DON’T DO IT! Look, our actions often speak louder than our words. We are the example of Christ to the outside world. Therefore, we need to be disciplined in ALL areas of our lives. We need to practice daily discipline both spiritually and in the flesh. If you are in the Word, reading devotionals, praying and are spiritually disciplined, it is really hard to not be disciplined in the world. Therefore, take time out of your life and do these daily practices. They will help you move through life with a greater sense of self-worth and self respect. And isn’t that what all of us want -- to be loved and accepted? We may not be perfect but it doesn’t mean we can’t strive for it. Go ahead -- love yourself the way you deserve to be loved. God does it on a daily basis; so can you.
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